Several years ago, my family decided to boycott large family Thanksgivings. The hassle of remembering which side of the family to visit, arranging eating around kids nap times, and dragging potty training kids to grandma's, lost all the festive, holiday spirit that was supposed to be involved in Thanksgiving. We instead made a turkey and all the trimmings with just our family of 5 (now 6).
We start our Thanksgiving day by watching the parade on T.V., then we go see a movie, then come home and start cooking. We started this about fifteen years ago. As the kids grew, sometimes we skipped the movie in favor of playing board games. Or sleeping, when they hit the teenage years. This year though, we went back to going out to a movie.
I heavily rallied to go see The Muppet Movie. I am a BIG fan of the Muppets, specifically, Miss Piggy. Fourteen years ago, my family went to Disney World and I saw Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog and had my photo taken with them. I cried. Real tears streamed down my face. I love Miss Piggy. I was the mother of three children, crying because I got to see Miss Piggy.
The movie today brought back a flood of memories; watching the Muppet Show with my dad (the John Denver "Grandma's Feather Bed" is a favorite), going to the premier of the first Muppet Movie, which happened when I was in 7th grade. I got all dressed up, including my first pair of pantyhose. I remember the excitement seeing Kermit ride that bike.
The new movie has all the regular cast of Muppets. It is about adult brothers who are the Muppets biggest fans. It could have starred me. I could have been the inspiration behind the movie. The one character passed out when Kermit said he was a personal friend. I understand that.
I watched the movie with a smile on my face. I danced to the music. I have to go get the soundtrack. I loved that the movie featured a song from the first movie (I got goosebumps when it started) and music from the 80's. It even had a rendition of a current chart topping song that made my 6 year old boogie in his seat.
I embarrassed my kids by laughing out loud (very loud) several times. Sometimes I was the only one laughing in the theatre. I wish I had gone to see the movie with my dad. I am sure he also laughed out loud. I thought the movie was delightful. I can't wait for it to come out on DVD.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
A Man Walks Into A Bar...
You learn many things from your siblings. My brothers taught me how to swear (they just made me SO mad!) and to hide my bras (they showed all the neighbor kids). You learn how to take turns, be patient and how to collaborate in making your parents crazy. As adults, my brothers have become friends to me and my children. They have willing ears and sound advice.
I am anxious to see the relationships my kids will have as adults. I hope they will enjoy each others company. I hope they are important to each others spouses and children. I hope they come visit their mother all at the same time.
While I wait for them all to reach adulthood, which will be a LONG wait as I have a nearly six year old, I observe things they have learned from each other. My daughters talk fashion, accessorizing, hair and makeup. They argue often. They share a room so are learning valuable lessons in time management and personal space.
Some lessons are not so positive. For instance, once one kid decides they don't like potatoes, suddenly, no kids like potatoes. Well, until one smart kid realizes how they get props from mom for eating potatoes.
Siblings are also your first taste of competition. Kid #1 was not good at spelling, so kid #2 became an awesome speller. Kids #1 and 2 are not good at math, so kid #3 works very hard to be stellar in math. Good healthy sibling competition, good for the report card!
This all brings me to child #4. His siblings were 14, 12 and 9 years old when he was born. They have been singing and reading to him since he came home from the hospital. They play board games with him, so he understands rules, waiting your turn and sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. OK, he needs some work on that last one. Because his siblings are so much older, he also knows how to cheat. Because he watches "Survivor" with his sister, he knows about alliances. He understands strategy and choosing the best teammate.
From his siblings, my youngest has learned lyrics to songs, jokes, pick up lines (His favorite is "Good thing I have a library card because I am checking you out.") and dance moves. He dresses and talks like a teenager. Sometimes it is so preciously cute. Other times it is rather scary. When he was three, he went to his well appointment at the doctor wearing jeans, a sweatshirt and flip-flops. Even the doctor laughed about his teenage influence. He cracks us up singing Justin Bieber, Maroon 5 and Katy Perry. He has learned incredible wit and comedic timing. He is not afraid to stand up for himself and throw a few insults your way. (Isn't that how we all deal with siblings?) It's just funny to see a (now) 6 year old and a near 20 year old arguing. For the record, the six year old usually throws such zingers at his older brother that the older brother concedes.
The most recent influence of older siblings came in this exchange:
Doug (the six year old) came home from school and said "Mr. Jones (the principal, whose name I changed for privacy) came into our class today and said 'You are my favorite afternoon kindergarten class.' I laughed because we are the ONLY afternoon kindergarten class. Mr. Jones said 'See, he gets it!' and it was funny."
After retelling the story a few times, Doug's older sibling influence is blatantly obvious. If he tells you the story now it goes like this:
"So, Mr. Jones walked into our class (dramatic pause) and said 'You are my favorite afternoon kindergarten class.' And it was funny because we are the only afternoon kindergarten class. Ba-dump-chhh"
Seriously, the kid is hilarious and every time he talks, or moves I see the influences of his siblings. It makes my heart so happy and makes me look forward to watching their growing relationships from siblings to (hopefully) friends.
By the way, the joke goes like this:
A man walks into a bar...and says "OW!" ba-dump-chhh!
I am anxious to see the relationships my kids will have as adults. I hope they will enjoy each others company. I hope they are important to each others spouses and children. I hope they come visit their mother all at the same time.
While I wait for them all to reach adulthood, which will be a LONG wait as I have a nearly six year old, I observe things they have learned from each other. My daughters talk fashion, accessorizing, hair and makeup. They argue often. They share a room so are learning valuable lessons in time management and personal space.
Some lessons are not so positive. For instance, once one kid decides they don't like potatoes, suddenly, no kids like potatoes. Well, until one smart kid realizes how they get props from mom for eating potatoes.
Siblings are also your first taste of competition. Kid #1 was not good at spelling, so kid #2 became an awesome speller. Kids #1 and 2 are not good at math, so kid #3 works very hard to be stellar in math. Good healthy sibling competition, good for the report card!
This all brings me to child #4. His siblings were 14, 12 and 9 years old when he was born. They have been singing and reading to him since he came home from the hospital. They play board games with him, so he understands rules, waiting your turn and sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. OK, he needs some work on that last one. Because his siblings are so much older, he also knows how to cheat. Because he watches "Survivor" with his sister, he knows about alliances. He understands strategy and choosing the best teammate.
From his siblings, my youngest has learned lyrics to songs, jokes, pick up lines (His favorite is "Good thing I have a library card because I am checking you out.") and dance moves. He dresses and talks like a teenager. Sometimes it is so preciously cute. Other times it is rather scary. When he was three, he went to his well appointment at the doctor wearing jeans, a sweatshirt and flip-flops. Even the doctor laughed about his teenage influence. He cracks us up singing Justin Bieber, Maroon 5 and Katy Perry. He has learned incredible wit and comedic timing. He is not afraid to stand up for himself and throw a few insults your way. (Isn't that how we all deal with siblings?) It's just funny to see a (now) 6 year old and a near 20 year old arguing. For the record, the six year old usually throws such zingers at his older brother that the older brother concedes.
The most recent influence of older siblings came in this exchange:
Doug (the six year old) came home from school and said "Mr. Jones (the principal, whose name I changed for privacy) came into our class today and said 'You are my favorite afternoon kindergarten class.' I laughed because we are the ONLY afternoon kindergarten class. Mr. Jones said 'See, he gets it!' and it was funny."
After retelling the story a few times, Doug's older sibling influence is blatantly obvious. If he tells you the story now it goes like this:
"So, Mr. Jones walked into our class (dramatic pause) and said 'You are my favorite afternoon kindergarten class.' And it was funny because we are the only afternoon kindergarten class. Ba-dump-chhh"
Seriously, the kid is hilarious and every time he talks, or moves I see the influences of his siblings. It makes my heart so happy and makes me look forward to watching their growing relationships from siblings to (hopefully) friends.
By the way, the joke goes like this:
A man walks into a bar...and says "OW!" ba-dump-chhh!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
An Hour With Doug
My youngest son, Doug, is nearly 6 years old. The time has sped by. He has three teenaged siblings who spend a great deal of time with him, so he has much more exposure to music, words, and other 'teenage' stuff than most six year olds. I have often said that I wished I videoed a day with him because he says such funny things. Things you would not expect a nearly six year old to say. Things that when I relate stories about him, I think are hard to believe actually happened.
Our house is up for sale. We had a showing today and needed to leave the house for an hour. Doug and I headed to Target. (Who can't waste an hour in Target?) This was how our hour went...
We passed a mom with a new baby in the cart. Doug oohed and ahhed. He LOVES babies. He said "We should have another baby. I know Dad said 'No', but we should have another baby. They are so cute and babies like me!" I tell him that we aren't having any more babies, that Dad doesn't want more and that I am getting too old. A few aisles later he says "How about when Dad dies, then you can have another baby because Dad won't be able to control what you do."
He rode on the bottom of the cart. I mean the underneath bottom, like where you put the pop cases. He laid down flat on his tummy and rode around the store. He said it was like a rollercoaster. I would normally never allow this, but I am stressed, and I just wanted to get through the store. People gave us a variety of looks. Some smiled, some scowled. Yeah, I know, my parenting skills are questionable. Now, imagine him riding like that in the cart, talking about when his dad dies we can have another baby. Did I mention yet that he only knows how to speak in a very loud voice?
As we get ready to leave, he wants to be the leader. Then we have to wait to leave without anybody else by us. I couldn't figure this out...UNTIL he puts his hands up, in a fashion similar to Yoda, and says "Open Sesame" and then the (automatic) doors open. He was so proud of himself. All the way to the car he explains how he just opened the doors with his powers. I ask him "How did you do that?" He says "A magician never reveals his secrets." Once we are in the car he asks "Do you really think I opened the doors? You know they open for everyone, right?" So I tell him that yes, I know the doors open for everyone, but that I thought the "Open Sesame" was fun. He says " You'd be pretty dumb if you thought I opened them by magic." To this I chuckle and say "Doug, I wish everyone could spend one day with you to see how funny you are." He answers with "Don't forget how smart and handsome I am too."
The CD in the car starts playing "Fat Bottom Girls". We both start singing along. Doug says "When they say 'Fat Bottom Girls' I point to you because you're a girl and you have a fat bottom. Do you think that's rude to say? 'Cause you really are a girl and your bottom is kinda fat."
He then switched topics to Halloween costumes. Thankfully we live close to Target, the conversation had definitely turned 'boyish'. He thinks he should be a rabbit for Halloween and leave a pile of raisins on people's porches. "Because rabbit poop looks like round raisins."
As he was reaching for the door handle to get out of the car he says "Hmm, I'm either becoming a real man, or there's dirt on my hand." WHAT? Apparently there was something on his hand that was either dirt, or "man hair" on his knuckles. It was probably grease from the wheels of the cart.
That was my hour with Doug. His conversations jump around. He makes many observations. He makes my heart happy and my head spin. In case you want to know, he isn't going to be a rabbit for Halloween. He is going to be a skunk. He wants me to look for 'fart perfume' to go with his costume.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
You Can't Stop the Beat
My very first concert was The Osmonds. I was crazy for Donny and Marie. I saved my babysitting money and bought tickets. My best friend and both our moms also went. We had floor seats. My friend and I had bought matching outfits to wear to the concert and we went to Magic Pan before hand for delicious crepes. Maybe I am mixing some of those events...maybe the matching outfits was for something else...I am old and my memories are getting condensed. Anyway, the concert was great! It was right after Donny Osmond's first child was born and they would flash random baby photos up on the big screen. I stood on my chair and screamed. That was seventh grade. I probably would behave pretty much the same if I saw the Osmonds in concert now.
I haven't been to many concerts. I love to go to them, they have great people watching. But, they are loud and crowded and expensive. I am thinking about the concerts I have been to and realize that the people I have seen live, didn't make the 30 Day Song Challenge. Interesting. I guess that is not entirely true...I have seen Garth Brooks, and Sugarland, and they made the Challenge cut. Now that I am sitting here thinking about concerts, I have been to more than I thought...I just haven't been for quite a long time! The Jets, Kool and the Gang, Janet Jackson, Starship, Night Ranger...Can you guess what decade I went to concerts? Then I started listening to country music...Randy Travis, George Strait, Garth Brooks, Lorrie Morgan. Then I had kids. I have seen Barney and Sesame Street Live! We also went to the Country Music Festival in Nashville a few years ago and saw loads of great acts. I can't wait to go to that again! I have managed to squeeze in a few Jimmy Buffet concerts too.
My son wanted to go to a Family Values Concert a few years ago. I told him to call my younger brother and ask him to go. I didn't think I could handle that. Way too much head banging music. So, my son and my brother went. They had a good time. They saw things that would have made the mom in me cringe. My son is now 19, he doesn't need an adult to drive him to concerts anymore. Of course, he doesn't listen to as much head banging stuff anymore either.
I ended the last blog with Day 16 of the 30 Day Challenge. I imagine you all had sleepless nights wondering how the remainder of the challenge was answered. The thing is, Day 17 is a song you hear often on the radio and I listen to so many different stations regularly that I don't have a good answer. I even asked my daughter "What song do I hear on the radio?" Seems silly for me not to know, but the truth is, aside from listening to a big variety of stations, I also typically have a very chatty 5 year old in the car with me so the music is background music. Or, I have teenage daughters in the car who have their ipods plugged into the car radio. Or, on the rare occasion I am in the car alone, I turn the radio off. As much as I love music, sometimes I just need to have silence. When I listen to music in the house, it is rarely the radio, usually I listen to a cd or my ipod.
Day 18- a song that you wish you heard on the radio. I love the soundtrack to Chicago. My favorite song is Roxie. So, that is my final answer. I wish I heard Roxie on the radio.
Day 19- a song from your favorite album- This Love by Maroon 5. The album is Songs About Jane. I saw a thing on T.V. about Maroon 5 once and how they were this up and coming band. A few days later I was at a friends house and her younger brother said "You have to hear this" and it was Maroon 5. I went out and bought the cd the next day. It's best listened to loud.
Day 20-a song you listen to when you're angry. Well, I guess when I'm angry I would want to listen to something fun to make me un-angry. Something that would make me smile. Raise Your Glass by P!nk, Pray for You by Jaron and the Long Road and Good to Mama by Queen Latifah (from Chicago) are all songs that I like to sing and make me smile. They also all make the cut for my running soundtrack.
I think we have pretty much established that I like music. The next couple days cover songs you listen to when you're happy, when you're sad. When I'm happy I can listen to about any song. When I'm sad, and I want to stay sad, I would listen to Feel My Love by Garth Brooks or Woman's Work by Kate Bush. They are mellow songs that could keep you down if you're down. Woman's Work was in the movie She's Having a Baby with Kevin Bacon. The scene they use the song in makes my husband cry...and he rarely cries. Good use of music in a movie.
When I got married my husband and I danced to I believe in Love by Don Williams for our first dance. I swear the dj used the extended version and that the song played for 10 minutes. I would encourage all engaged people to take dance lessons before their first dance. It will make extended songs much more bearable. Day 23's challenge is a song you want(ed) played at your wedding. I married someone with the last name Green. I really, REALLY wanted to dance to Kermit the Frog singing It's Not East Being Green, but the dj said he couldn't find it. Pfffttt! It would have been awesome.
Day 24- a song you want played at your funeral. How about this...songs I DON'T want played at my funeral...Ding Dong the Witch is Dead. Or Celebration by Kool and the Gang.
I don't know about songs at my funeral...do I want something upbeat, to celebrate my life? Do I want something like Holes in the Floor of Heaven by Steve Wariner or Lorrie Morgan's If You Came Back from Heaven? Or, do I want to stick with my families traditional Silent Night? No really, for some reason, at my uncle's funeral, the family all belted out Silent Night. It was beautiful really, but I can't hear the song at Midnight Mass without crying.
Day 25- a song that makes you laugh. My son does a pretty good rendition of Baby by Justin Beiber. His new song is Moves like Jagger by Maroon 5. His performances make me laugh. I also find Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off by Joe Nichols and You Don't Have To Take Your Clothes Off by Jermaine Stewart
kind of funny. Again, if a psychologist reviewed my choices in songs I am probably sending some pretty strong messages. This time it must be that to me nudity is funny.
For this next song, I wish I had prepared an audio clip. A song you can play on an instrument. I can play Heart and Soul on the piano, and The Saints Go Marching In and The Entertainer on the clarinet. I really wish I had prepared a performance for you. The next challenge is a song you WISH you could play. Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's would be awesome if I could play it on the guitar. Actually, I would love to play any song on the guitar. I imagine sitting around a campfire playing and singing. Or maybe in a classroom filled with little kids playing Skip To My Lou. I would love to play the guitar. I would also love to be able to sing (well) And I am Telling You ala Jennifer Hudson. My family wishes that too. In the meantime, I'll just keep practicing.
Day 28- a song that makes you feel guilty. Martina McBride's This Ones for the Girls. There is a line about the laugh lines on your face making you who you are...blah, blah, blah. The laugh lines on my face make me feel old. They make me look old. I don't like them. I do suppose that laugh lines are better to have than frown lines though.
Day 29-a song from your childhood. I love the song Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head by B.J. Thomas. I don't know why I like it or when it was introduced to me, but I remember the song. I even had a wind up music box with the song playing in it. I still sing it if I go outside on a rainy day, which happens much more frequently here in Pittsburgh than it did in Denver.
Day 30-your favorite song from this time last year. I suspect someone young wrote this challenge. I don't remember what I had a few nights ago for dinner. I sometimes forget to cook dinner until the kids complain. A song from a year ago? Ha! I googled 'Top songs of 2010'. Out of the top 10, I recognized two songs as being ones I liked and sang. California Girls by Katy Perry and Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. My 5 year old sings both of these well.
This concludes the 30 day song challenge. Hooray! It would be interesting to take some of the days challenges and repeat them every few years to see how much your taste in music grows and changes. I am clearly stuck pretty solidly in the 80's , or in country music. I already realize I didn't mention Carrie Underwood at all. Too bad. Her songs Last Name and Before He Cheats are fun. More of those tough broad songs.
As you drive around town with the girl/guy you love, look for love in all the wrong places, go 'round the cobbler's bench, or whatever else you do today, make it a good day. And turn up the radio!
I haven't been to many concerts. I love to go to them, they have great people watching. But, they are loud and crowded and expensive. I am thinking about the concerts I have been to and realize that the people I have seen live, didn't make the 30 Day Song Challenge. Interesting. I guess that is not entirely true...I have seen Garth Brooks, and Sugarland, and they made the Challenge cut. Now that I am sitting here thinking about concerts, I have been to more than I thought...I just haven't been for quite a long time! The Jets, Kool and the Gang, Janet Jackson, Starship, Night Ranger...Can you guess what decade I went to concerts? Then I started listening to country music...Randy Travis, George Strait, Garth Brooks, Lorrie Morgan. Then I had kids. I have seen Barney and Sesame Street Live! We also went to the Country Music Festival in Nashville a few years ago and saw loads of great acts. I can't wait to go to that again! I have managed to squeeze in a few Jimmy Buffet concerts too.
My son wanted to go to a Family Values Concert a few years ago. I told him to call my younger brother and ask him to go. I didn't think I could handle that. Way too much head banging music. So, my son and my brother went. They had a good time. They saw things that would have made the mom in me cringe. My son is now 19, he doesn't need an adult to drive him to concerts anymore. Of course, he doesn't listen to as much head banging stuff anymore either.
I ended the last blog with Day 16 of the 30 Day Challenge. I imagine you all had sleepless nights wondering how the remainder of the challenge was answered. The thing is, Day 17 is a song you hear often on the radio and I listen to so many different stations regularly that I don't have a good answer. I even asked my daughter "What song do I hear on the radio?" Seems silly for me not to know, but the truth is, aside from listening to a big variety of stations, I also typically have a very chatty 5 year old in the car with me so the music is background music. Or, I have teenage daughters in the car who have their ipods plugged into the car radio. Or, on the rare occasion I am in the car alone, I turn the radio off. As much as I love music, sometimes I just need to have silence. When I listen to music in the house, it is rarely the radio, usually I listen to a cd or my ipod.
Day 18- a song that you wish you heard on the radio. I love the soundtrack to Chicago. My favorite song is Roxie. So, that is my final answer. I wish I heard Roxie on the radio.
Day 19- a song from your favorite album- This Love by Maroon 5. The album is Songs About Jane. I saw a thing on T.V. about Maroon 5 once and how they were this up and coming band. A few days later I was at a friends house and her younger brother said "You have to hear this" and it was Maroon 5. I went out and bought the cd the next day. It's best listened to loud.
Day 20-a song you listen to when you're angry. Well, I guess when I'm angry I would want to listen to something fun to make me un-angry. Something that would make me smile. Raise Your Glass by P!nk, Pray for You by Jaron and the Long Road and Good to Mama by Queen Latifah (from Chicago) are all songs that I like to sing and make me smile. They also all make the cut for my running soundtrack.
I think we have pretty much established that I like music. The next couple days cover songs you listen to when you're happy, when you're sad. When I'm happy I can listen to about any song. When I'm sad, and I want to stay sad, I would listen to Feel My Love by Garth Brooks or Woman's Work by Kate Bush. They are mellow songs that could keep you down if you're down. Woman's Work was in the movie She's Having a Baby with Kevin Bacon. The scene they use the song in makes my husband cry...and he rarely cries. Good use of music in a movie.
When I got married my husband and I danced to I believe in Love by Don Williams for our first dance. I swear the dj used the extended version and that the song played for 10 minutes. I would encourage all engaged people to take dance lessons before their first dance. It will make extended songs much more bearable. Day 23's challenge is a song you want(ed) played at your wedding. I married someone with the last name Green. I really, REALLY wanted to dance to Kermit the Frog singing It's Not East Being Green, but the dj said he couldn't find it. Pfffttt! It would have been awesome.
Day 24- a song you want played at your funeral. How about this...songs I DON'T want played at my funeral...Ding Dong the Witch is Dead. Or Celebration by Kool and the Gang.
I don't know about songs at my funeral...do I want something upbeat, to celebrate my life? Do I want something like Holes in the Floor of Heaven by Steve Wariner or Lorrie Morgan's If You Came Back from Heaven? Or, do I want to stick with my families traditional Silent Night? No really, for some reason, at my uncle's funeral, the family all belted out Silent Night. It was beautiful really, but I can't hear the song at Midnight Mass without crying.
Day 25- a song that makes you laugh. My son does a pretty good rendition of Baby by Justin Beiber. His new song is Moves like Jagger by Maroon 5. His performances make me laugh. I also find Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off by Joe Nichols and You Don't Have To Take Your Clothes Off by Jermaine Stewart
kind of funny. Again, if a psychologist reviewed my choices in songs I am probably sending some pretty strong messages. This time it must be that to me nudity is funny.
For this next song, I wish I had prepared an audio clip. A song you can play on an instrument. I can play Heart and Soul on the piano, and The Saints Go Marching In and The Entertainer on the clarinet. I really wish I had prepared a performance for you. The next challenge is a song you WISH you could play. Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's would be awesome if I could play it on the guitar. Actually, I would love to play any song on the guitar. I imagine sitting around a campfire playing and singing. Or maybe in a classroom filled with little kids playing Skip To My Lou. I would love to play the guitar. I would also love to be able to sing (well) And I am Telling You ala Jennifer Hudson. My family wishes that too. In the meantime, I'll just keep practicing.
Day 28- a song that makes you feel guilty. Martina McBride's This Ones for the Girls. There is a line about the laugh lines on your face making you who you are...blah, blah, blah. The laugh lines on my face make me feel old. They make me look old. I don't like them. I do suppose that laugh lines are better to have than frown lines though.
Day 29-a song from your childhood. I love the song Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head by B.J. Thomas. I don't know why I like it or when it was introduced to me, but I remember the song. I even had a wind up music box with the song playing in it. I still sing it if I go outside on a rainy day, which happens much more frequently here in Pittsburgh than it did in Denver.
Day 30-your favorite song from this time last year. I suspect someone young wrote this challenge. I don't remember what I had a few nights ago for dinner. I sometimes forget to cook dinner until the kids complain. A song from a year ago? Ha! I googled 'Top songs of 2010'. Out of the top 10, I recognized two songs as being ones I liked and sang. California Girls by Katy Perry and Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. My 5 year old sings both of these well.
This concludes the 30 day song challenge. Hooray! It would be interesting to take some of the days challenges and repeat them every few years to see how much your taste in music grows and changes. I am clearly stuck pretty solidly in the 80's , or in country music. I already realize I didn't mention Carrie Underwood at all. Too bad. Her songs Last Name and Before He Cheats are fun. More of those tough broad songs.
As you drive around town with the girl/guy you love, look for love in all the wrong places, go 'round the cobbler's bench, or whatever else you do today, make it a good day. And turn up the radio!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Music Makes the World Go 'Round
There is always music playing at our house.The older kids have ipods, and stereos. We have a thing-a-ma-jig in the car to hook your ipod into so that you can listen to it in the car. We even have radios in the bathrooms. Sometimes, the music just plays in my head and nobody else can hear it. Often, someone in the house is singing. Always, there is singing in the car...unless my husband is also in the car.
My ipod is full. It has 6500 songs on it. When I want to put new music on it, I have to delete songs. I have a huge variety of music on my ipod. I have oldies, country, 80's (It really is it's own genre isn't it?). I have children's music like Barney, Backyardigans and Laurie Berkner. I have enough Christmas music to listen to a different song for 3 entire days. I even have some rap/crap thanks to my daughters. Those are usually my 'go-to' songs when I need to delete something to make room for something new...usually from GLEE.
Someone on facebook passed around this 30 Day Song Challenge. The idea was to post a different song every day for 30 days. Each day there was a different category, or topic, or question to answer. I started doing the challenge, but burned out quickly because I figured it was quite dull for others to read my boring, fairly mainstream taste in music. Actually, it was just too hard for me to post a song without some background. Some songs just carry loads of memories, or at least a story. Anyway, I gave up on the 30 day challenge. But, I thought it would make a nice blog. I mean who doesn't want to read all about why I like certain songs? It will make such riveting reading!
Day One of the challenge was a toughy. "Your favorite song". How do you pick your favorite? I have several favorites. I actually think one song is my favorite, then hear another one and think, "Oh yeah, that's my favorite!" Favorite is tough. I settled on Respect by Aretha Franklin or I will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. If a psychologist evaluated that, I think it probably says something about me. Perhaps I yearn to be a tough broad.
Day Two is easy...least favorite song...If I Die Young by The Band Perry. It may have a beautiful melody, but I do not want to think about people dying young. It creeps me out. The lyrics say"If I die young, bury me in silence, lay me down on a bed of roses." When my daughters sing the song, I change the lyrics and sing loudly to "If you die young, your mama would cry so hard, she'll lie down and cry for da-ays". Someone said I should think about how you can be viewed young at any age. I don't buy that. The song is creepy.
Day Three. A song that makes you happy. Mostly, listening to music makes me happy. Especially listening to GOOD music, loud, while dancing. Even happier if you are cooking or cleaning or with friends and family. So, if I had to pick a song that makes me happy, I would pick What If I Loved You by Joey Gian. It's kind of big band type music.
A song that makes you sad is Day Four's challenge. Another easy one...Trace Adkins' song you're Gonna Miss This. I was not really a Trace Adkins fan. I find him too raunchy for my taste. I am also not a long hair on men fan. But, Trace Adkins was on Celebrity Apprentice and he appears to have a good heart. Then he sang this song. I honestly teared up. I will miss all the chaos kids bring. Even the bad days, the ones you are up all night with pukey kids. I will miss it.
Day Five is when I stopped the challenge on facebook. A song that reminds you of someone. For me that song is Hello by Lionel Ritchie. It reminds me of the guy I dated in high school. For my birthday, he gave me flowers with a card that said "Hello, is it me you're looking for?" To this day I think that is still the most romantic thing a guy has ever given me. Of course, I messed this up. He had purchased tickets to see Lionel Ritchie on my birthday, but I broke up with him to date someone else, who later dumped me. Isn't high school fun? The romantic guy and I did get back together for awhile...then he went away to college and I moved far, far away. It's amazing how many times your heart can break and heal.
It's a Small World is the answer. What was the question? A song that reminds you of somewhere. My second answer would be Old Time Rock and Roll by Bob Seger. I love that song. (Not enough to be my favorite). I ripped off a toe nail dancing to that song once. I had on white Keds and was dancing like crazy and next thing I know, blood is soaking through my shoe. Still, a great time.
A song that reminds you of a certain event is the challenge for Day 7. Aren't there several songs that can place you back to a certain event? I chose three songs. I just couldn't pick one over the other. They are all fantastic memories. You Make My Dreams Come True by Hall and Oates was the song for senior kick line on pom pom in high school. I can remember practicing. I can remember performing. I can remember people saying they couldn't believe how high I kicked. (It was the adrenaline.) I can remember it all with fondness.
At my closest high school friends wedding I got up on stage and sang Friends In Low Places (by Garth Brooks) acapella. The band at her wedding didn't play any country music the whole night. So I made my own...with the microphone...on stage. That was one fun night. I mean a REALLY fun night.
The other song that takes me to a certain moment is 1999 by Prince. During the musicals in high school, we would all be back in the makeup room with that song blaring. 1999 seemed so far away at that time (1985!). I was surrounded by people I adored. Also, it was due to a Prince concert and a bet that I even got back together with romantic boyfriend. Yep, good memories that launch me back in time with that song!
Gretchen Wilson may end up as a one hit wonder, but she is the singer of Redneck Woman...a song I know all the words to. If I ever get to go sing karaoke, that is the song I want to sing. I have even practiced my dance moves. Am I a redneck woman? No. But I would say I have certain redneck tendencies... I also know all the words to Patsy Cline's Crazy. I love to sing it at the top of my lungs in the car. Or the shower. But I would NOT sing that for karaoke. You are welcome.
Day Nine is a song you can dance to. Wait. You mean there are songs you can't dance to? Interesting. The Hokey Pokey? Cotton Eyed Joe? Electric Slide? Macarena? I don't know...I dance to everything. Just don't look when I try to dance to rap...I am a white girl and while I have moves, they are not rap dance moves. I have junk in my trunk, but not rap suitable junk. I have the rhythm, but not the blues. I could be in the movie, "White Girls Can't Dance." But, I do get an 'A' for effort, and joy received from dancing.
Day Ten..wow, this is long. Perhaps this will be a three part blog. Keeping readers attention, that is the challenge! Appropriately, the song is one that makes you fall asleep. Hmm. Could we put this blog to music? I chose Louis Armstrong's Wonderful World. I also find Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole quite soothing and relaxing.
Day 11- a song from your favorite band. Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5. Day 12- a song from a band you hate. Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy by Big and Rich. Yuck to the song and the band. Day 13- a song that is a guilty pleasure. Younger Men by K.T. Oslin and Hillbilly Bone by Trace Adkins and Blake Shelton. Oh how I enjoy those songs! I sing, and dance and have a big old smile on my face. If those songs pop up on my ipod I repeat them several times. They are also on my playlists when I run. Good songs.OK, they probably aren't good songs, but they are fun to listen to.
I enjoy My Chemical Romance's song Teenagers and Reliant K's song Sadie Hawkins Dance. (Day 14- a song that no one would expect you to love) Their songs are a surprise even to me. I think they pop up in the alternative genre, but I do like them. Surprise!
Day 15- a song that describes you. Short People (Randy Newman), Good Golly Miss Molly (Little Richard) and Goody Two Shoes (Adam Ant). Was that too obvious? Should I have looked for a deeper meaning?
I used to listen to Soak up the Sun by Sheryl Crow all the time. We had even changed the lyrics to use for our answering machine for a while. Now, the song irritates me. (Day 16, a song that you used to love but now hate)
OK, I will finish this later. The dryer is beckoning me. The good news is it's time to crank up the music, and dance while I fold.
My ipod is full. It has 6500 songs on it. When I want to put new music on it, I have to delete songs. I have a huge variety of music on my ipod. I have oldies, country, 80's (It really is it's own genre isn't it?). I have children's music like Barney, Backyardigans and Laurie Berkner. I have enough Christmas music to listen to a different song for 3 entire days. I even have some rap/crap thanks to my daughters. Those are usually my 'go-to' songs when I need to delete something to make room for something new...usually from GLEE.
Someone on facebook passed around this 30 Day Song Challenge. The idea was to post a different song every day for 30 days. Each day there was a different category, or topic, or question to answer. I started doing the challenge, but burned out quickly because I figured it was quite dull for others to read my boring, fairly mainstream taste in music. Actually, it was just too hard for me to post a song without some background. Some songs just carry loads of memories, or at least a story. Anyway, I gave up on the 30 day challenge. But, I thought it would make a nice blog. I mean who doesn't want to read all about why I like certain songs? It will make such riveting reading!
Day One of the challenge was a toughy. "Your favorite song". How do you pick your favorite? I have several favorites. I actually think one song is my favorite, then hear another one and think, "Oh yeah, that's my favorite!" Favorite is tough. I settled on Respect by Aretha Franklin or I will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. If a psychologist evaluated that, I think it probably says something about me. Perhaps I yearn to be a tough broad.
Day Two is easy...least favorite song...If I Die Young by The Band Perry. It may have a beautiful melody, but I do not want to think about people dying young. It creeps me out. The lyrics say"If I die young, bury me in silence, lay me down on a bed of roses." When my daughters sing the song, I change the lyrics and sing loudly to "If you die young, your mama would cry so hard, she'll lie down and cry for da-ays". Someone said I should think about how you can be viewed young at any age. I don't buy that. The song is creepy.
Day Three. A song that makes you happy. Mostly, listening to music makes me happy. Especially listening to GOOD music, loud, while dancing. Even happier if you are cooking or cleaning or with friends and family. So, if I had to pick a song that makes me happy, I would pick What If I Loved You by Joey Gian. It's kind of big band type music.
A song that makes you sad is Day Four's challenge. Another easy one...Trace Adkins' song you're Gonna Miss This. I was not really a Trace Adkins fan. I find him too raunchy for my taste. I am also not a long hair on men fan. But, Trace Adkins was on Celebrity Apprentice and he appears to have a good heart. Then he sang this song. I honestly teared up. I will miss all the chaos kids bring. Even the bad days, the ones you are up all night with pukey kids. I will miss it.
Day Five is when I stopped the challenge on facebook. A song that reminds you of someone. For me that song is Hello by Lionel Ritchie. It reminds me of the guy I dated in high school. For my birthday, he gave me flowers with a card that said "Hello, is it me you're looking for?" To this day I think that is still the most romantic thing a guy has ever given me. Of course, I messed this up. He had purchased tickets to see Lionel Ritchie on my birthday, but I broke up with him to date someone else, who later dumped me. Isn't high school fun? The romantic guy and I did get back together for awhile...then he went away to college and I moved far, far away. It's amazing how many times your heart can break and heal.
It's a Small World is the answer. What was the question? A song that reminds you of somewhere. My second answer would be Old Time Rock and Roll by Bob Seger. I love that song. (Not enough to be my favorite). I ripped off a toe nail dancing to that song once. I had on white Keds and was dancing like crazy and next thing I know, blood is soaking through my shoe. Still, a great time.
A song that reminds you of a certain event is the challenge for Day 7. Aren't there several songs that can place you back to a certain event? I chose three songs. I just couldn't pick one over the other. They are all fantastic memories. You Make My Dreams Come True by Hall and Oates was the song for senior kick line on pom pom in high school. I can remember practicing. I can remember performing. I can remember people saying they couldn't believe how high I kicked. (It was the adrenaline.) I can remember it all with fondness.
At my closest high school friends wedding I got up on stage and sang Friends In Low Places (by Garth Brooks) acapella. The band at her wedding didn't play any country music the whole night. So I made my own...with the microphone...on stage. That was one fun night. I mean a REALLY fun night.
The other song that takes me to a certain moment is 1999 by Prince. During the musicals in high school, we would all be back in the makeup room with that song blaring. 1999 seemed so far away at that time (1985!). I was surrounded by people I adored. Also, it was due to a Prince concert and a bet that I even got back together with romantic boyfriend. Yep, good memories that launch me back in time with that song!
Gretchen Wilson may end up as a one hit wonder, but she is the singer of Redneck Woman...a song I know all the words to. If I ever get to go sing karaoke, that is the song I want to sing. I have even practiced my dance moves. Am I a redneck woman? No. But I would say I have certain redneck tendencies... I also know all the words to Patsy Cline's Crazy. I love to sing it at the top of my lungs in the car. Or the shower. But I would NOT sing that for karaoke. You are welcome.
Day Nine is a song you can dance to. Wait. You mean there are songs you can't dance to? Interesting. The Hokey Pokey? Cotton Eyed Joe? Electric Slide? Macarena? I don't know...I dance to everything. Just don't look when I try to dance to rap...I am a white girl and while I have moves, they are not rap dance moves. I have junk in my trunk, but not rap suitable junk. I have the rhythm, but not the blues. I could be in the movie, "White Girls Can't Dance." But, I do get an 'A' for effort, and joy received from dancing.
Day Ten..wow, this is long. Perhaps this will be a three part blog. Keeping readers attention, that is the challenge! Appropriately, the song is one that makes you fall asleep. Hmm. Could we put this blog to music? I chose Louis Armstrong's Wonderful World. I also find Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole quite soothing and relaxing.
Day 11- a song from your favorite band. Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5. Day 12- a song from a band you hate. Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy by Big and Rich. Yuck to the song and the band. Day 13- a song that is a guilty pleasure. Younger Men by K.T. Oslin and Hillbilly Bone by Trace Adkins and Blake Shelton. Oh how I enjoy those songs! I sing, and dance and have a big old smile on my face. If those songs pop up on my ipod I repeat them several times. They are also on my playlists when I run. Good songs.OK, they probably aren't good songs, but they are fun to listen to.
I enjoy My Chemical Romance's song Teenagers and Reliant K's song Sadie Hawkins Dance. (Day 14- a song that no one would expect you to love) Their songs are a surprise even to me. I think they pop up in the alternative genre, but I do like them. Surprise!
Day 15- a song that describes you. Short People (Randy Newman), Good Golly Miss Molly (Little Richard) and Goody Two Shoes (Adam Ant). Was that too obvious? Should I have looked for a deeper meaning?
I used to listen to Soak up the Sun by Sheryl Crow all the time. We had even changed the lyrics to use for our answering machine for a while. Now, the song irritates me. (Day 16, a song that you used to love but now hate)
OK, I will finish this later. The dryer is beckoning me. The good news is it's time to crank up the music, and dance while I fold.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
What's On My Mind Right Now
It's Thursday afternoon. The kids are all in school. My husband is out of town working. The house is peaceful, and it's actually clean too. I could be reading a good book, catching up on all the new T.V. shows via the DVR or taking a nap. Instead, my mind is racing. The things that are clamoring for the "front, center, only" space of attention are varied and some are silly, but they are there. I thought maybe if I wrote about them, they would go away, happy for a few minutes of the spotlight.
I am thinking about how it's Thursday and my to-do lists from Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday are untouched, actually, they have not even been glanced at all week. Yet, the house is clean and tidy. This morning I did gather all my to-do lists and scraps of paper with random bits of notes and stacked them on the kitchen counter. I also placed an orange piece of construction paper and a marker there. I have decided that since it's already Thursday, I will just make up a master to-do list that encompasses today through Sunday. The pretty orange paper will make the list harder to ignore. I have to remember to add to the list the things the inspector thinks we need to do. Ah, yes,the inspection...we had to have a pre-inspection of the house per our new realtor. I can think of nothing I would rather do but spend MORE money on the house I am selling, or attempting to sell.
This reminds me, I need to pay the activity fee at the high school for both my daughters. It's a new fee this year because the budget is tight. Guess what? My budget is tight too and I don't want to pay the fee. But rarely do the want and the need go hand in hand, (doesn't Janet Jackson, A.K.A. Ms. Jackson if you're nasty have as song with a similar lyric in it? I will have to investigate. I will add it to the master list. ) so I will pay the fee. Our car insurance is due too, I should pay that. Have to tell child #1 and child #2 they owe me money for car insurance. That should make their days as well.
I picked up a cd at the library...Billboard #1's from the 70's. Good stuff! Reminded me about the 30 day song challenge I started on facebook. Everyday for 30 days you post a song. Someone created this challenge and one day the song was one you disliked, one day a song you loved, one day a song that reminds you of someone...etc. Anyway, I lasted about 4 days. I figured nobody really cares. OK, really it was just too hard for me to post a song without a lavish explanation. Being of little words is not my forte'. I decided today that I will write a blog about my 30 day song challenge. I mean, why spread the pain of reading my wordiness over 30 days? Best to be taken in at a single sitting. The other thing was others who were doing the 'challenge' had interesting, obscure bands or songs. I am pretty main-stream/pop. Yes, I know you read that as boring. But, when you read my explanations you'll be like "Wow, I really get her. She really IS boring!"
Maybe I'll go for a walk to clear my head. Of course, I need a jacket, and some good shoes. Wait! Those things are packed. Half my life is packed waiting for the house to sell. We 'decluttered' the house in Februaury. About 100 boxes worth of decluttering. Why did I think shoes and jackets were clutter? I need to unpack some stuff. I hope I marked the boxes clearly enough to find what I need.
My youngest guy has two loose teeth. Not so wiggly that they wiggle with his tongue, just wiggly enough that they kinda hurt when he eats. I looked in his mouth and the new teeth are growing in behind the baby teeth. The new teeth are BIG. The two new teeth will take up the space of four baby teeth. Then I worry because that happened to my oldest boy too. The dentist pulled his baby teeth preemptively to prevent over crowding. It was a bit nerve-wracking when they pulled out his teeth. Now I know how it affects the child before, during and after, and the thought of having to watch another child go through it scares the bejeezes out of me. This parenting stuff is hard.
Which leads me to my freshly turned 18 year old daughter. Her and I have been at odds for three weeks. We have never battled before so this is new territory. OK, we have had a few minor clashes, but they clear up within a few hours or maybe a day. This has been a battle for three. entire. weeks. Is it being a high school senior that brings it out? Being 18? The overhanging gloom of moving across the country? That I am her mother? What is it? I really owe my mom another apology. I see so much of a teenage me in her behavior. It's a wonder my mom didn't kill me. It's another wonder she still talks to me. It's turning me into someone I don't know. Wait, maybe that part about turning into someone I don't know has to do more with aging, stress in general and the lack of exercise and proper eating habits.
Yes, definitely I should do something about my daily routine. The eating, sitting around, grouchiness, dishes in the sink...it's gotta change. Of course, facebook changed and people did a bunch of complaining. Why? Because who really likes changes? I mean besides changes into clean undies and fresh sheets? Facebook changed stuff up so that now facebook decides what is a top story and it most likely won't be in chronological order. I am much too OCD for that. I need stuff in proper time sequence. Plus, I feel like I am missing stuff. I like to be in the know. Facebook did put up this 'ticker' that is supposed to help keep me in the loop. However, I find it confusing. Not to mention that now when someone comments on someone else's status, it shows up on my wall. So much for privacy. Oh,I know, that stuff was always available, but you used to have to dig for it...now it's just there for the world to see. Well, if you can figure it all out. I find the change quite confusing. SO confusing in fact that I have barely been on facebook. That has lead to more 'free time' which leads to my mind wandering which leads to...well, to ramblings like this!
I am thinking about how it's Thursday and my to-do lists from Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday are untouched, actually, they have not even been glanced at all week. Yet, the house is clean and tidy. This morning I did gather all my to-do lists and scraps of paper with random bits of notes and stacked them on the kitchen counter. I also placed an orange piece of construction paper and a marker there. I have decided that since it's already Thursday, I will just make up a master to-do list that encompasses today through Sunday. The pretty orange paper will make the list harder to ignore. I have to remember to add to the list the things the inspector thinks we need to do. Ah, yes,the inspection...we had to have a pre-inspection of the house per our new realtor. I can think of nothing I would rather do but spend MORE money on the house I am selling, or attempting to sell.
This reminds me, I need to pay the activity fee at the high school for both my daughters. It's a new fee this year because the budget is tight. Guess what? My budget is tight too and I don't want to pay the fee. But rarely do the want and the need go hand in hand, (doesn't Janet Jackson, A.K.A. Ms. Jackson if you're nasty have as song with a similar lyric in it? I will have to investigate. I will add it to the master list. ) so I will pay the fee. Our car insurance is due too, I should pay that. Have to tell child #1 and child #2 they owe me money for car insurance. That should make their days as well.
I picked up a cd at the library...Billboard #1's from the 70's. Good stuff! Reminded me about the 30 day song challenge I started on facebook. Everyday for 30 days you post a song. Someone created this challenge and one day the song was one you disliked, one day a song you loved, one day a song that reminds you of someone...etc. Anyway, I lasted about 4 days. I figured nobody really cares. OK, really it was just too hard for me to post a song without a lavish explanation. Being of little words is not my forte'. I decided today that I will write a blog about my 30 day song challenge. I mean, why spread the pain of reading my wordiness over 30 days? Best to be taken in at a single sitting. The other thing was others who were doing the 'challenge' had interesting, obscure bands or songs. I am pretty main-stream/pop. Yes, I know you read that as boring. But, when you read my explanations you'll be like "Wow, I really get her. She really IS boring!"
Maybe I'll go for a walk to clear my head. Of course, I need a jacket, and some good shoes. Wait! Those things are packed. Half my life is packed waiting for the house to sell. We 'decluttered' the house in Februaury. About 100 boxes worth of decluttering. Why did I think shoes and jackets were clutter? I need to unpack some stuff. I hope I marked the boxes clearly enough to find what I need.
My youngest guy has two loose teeth. Not so wiggly that they wiggle with his tongue, just wiggly enough that they kinda hurt when he eats. I looked in his mouth and the new teeth are growing in behind the baby teeth. The new teeth are BIG. The two new teeth will take up the space of four baby teeth. Then I worry because that happened to my oldest boy too. The dentist pulled his baby teeth preemptively to prevent over crowding. It was a bit nerve-wracking when they pulled out his teeth. Now I know how it affects the child before, during and after, and the thought of having to watch another child go through it scares the bejeezes out of me. This parenting stuff is hard.
Which leads me to my freshly turned 18 year old daughter. Her and I have been at odds for three weeks. We have never battled before so this is new territory. OK, we have had a few minor clashes, but they clear up within a few hours or maybe a day. This has been a battle for three. entire. weeks. Is it being a high school senior that brings it out? Being 18? The overhanging gloom of moving across the country? That I am her mother? What is it? I really owe my mom another apology. I see so much of a teenage me in her behavior. It's a wonder my mom didn't kill me. It's another wonder she still talks to me. It's turning me into someone I don't know. Wait, maybe that part about turning into someone I don't know has to do more with aging, stress in general and the lack of exercise and proper eating habits.
Yes, definitely I should do something about my daily routine. The eating, sitting around, grouchiness, dishes in the sink...it's gotta change. Of course, facebook changed and people did a bunch of complaining. Why? Because who really likes changes? I mean besides changes into clean undies and fresh sheets? Facebook changed stuff up so that now facebook decides what is a top story and it most likely won't be in chronological order. I am much too OCD for that. I need stuff in proper time sequence. Plus, I feel like I am missing stuff. I like to be in the know. Facebook did put up this 'ticker' that is supposed to help keep me in the loop. However, I find it confusing. Not to mention that now when someone comments on someone else's status, it shows up on my wall. So much for privacy. Oh,I know, that stuff was always available, but you used to have to dig for it...now it's just there for the world to see. Well, if you can figure it all out. I find the change quite confusing. SO confusing in fact that I have barely been on facebook. That has lead to more 'free time' which leads to my mind wandering which leads to...well, to ramblings like this!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
This One Time in China...
This one time in China I was told that eight was a lucky number. Coincidentally, this is my eighth and final blog about my trip.
This one time in china I saw a sign in a public restroom over a toilet "Please don't stand on the WC". Funny how I had never considered that before.
This one time in China my brother said condoms in Chinese were called "jizbombs".
This one time in China I realized that even the Chinese think my brother is cool.
This one time in China J(my brother's friend) said he felt like we were in Oz. We followed a yellow brick road every where (A yellow stripe was on all the sidewalks, under them are the pipes, or so we were told). You were supposed to ignore the man behind the curtain which could either refer to all the cameras on lampposts, or all the men standing on the sides of the roads (or sidewalks)peeing. And lastly, we most certainly were not in Kansas anymore.
This one time in China my brother and I called our youngest brother in Buffalo, NY for his birthday. It was 1 am his time. We scored his first birthday wish of the day! This lead to a brief thought about paybacks. So, the following rule has been set...
*To make a birthday greeting call at an ungodly hour the following must occur;
- A minimum of two family members who reside in different homes must be in the same location, using one phone and can only call on the actual birthday of the other family member.
Violation of this may be punishable by noogies, wedgies, excessive teasing and unfair practices at the next penny scramble. These are, as of now actual posted rules, and must be adhered to. They are enforceable regardless of city, country or continent.
This one time in China I bought a 20 oz. Coke Light (version of Diet Coke, but not as "AHHH-licious") and a good size bucket of popcorn (almost tasted like kettle corn) for 14rmb...roughly $2. I had paid $2.69 for a 20 oz. Diet Coke at the Chicago airport.
This one time in China we had the funniest taxi driver. He spoke very little English, but just how you would imagine a Chinese person would talk with Americans. He had such a nice smile and such broken English and was so happy. "Hello, Where you going." Just thinking about it makes me smile. He also slapped away my sister in law's hands as she used them to give directions...very funny.
This one time in China my brother told me they have a half marathon on the Great Wall. I can't even imagine. Parts of it were so steep (see photo) and there were so many stairs.
This one time in China I went to the Forbidden City, the Ming Tombs, the Great Wall of China. I shopped the Pearl Market and Yoshow in Beijing. I went to the Beijing Zoo and saw panda bears and beluga whale. I went to IKEA for the first time.
This one time in China I drank a whole beer and ate a meal completely with chopsticks. I even had thirds of green beans, which I don't normally like.
This one time in China I had two wonderful foot massages. Actually these two times in China I had a wonderful foot massage.
This one time in China a girl moved on the subway to a different spot and I took her spot...she didn't call 'place back'.
This one time I went to China and didn't talk to my kids or husband for 6 entire days and the world didn't stop, we all survived, even though it was the longest I have gone without my kids in nearly 20 years.
This one time in China I remembered how truly fortunate I am to have a hard working, supportive husband, healthy, intelligent kids and a nice home overflowing with material stuff, electricity, soap, water, toilet paper and love.
This one time in China I had an incredible, delightful adventure with my generous brother and equally amazing sister in law, but there is no place like home.
*The previous series of blogs was brought to you courtesy of my observations during my trip to Beijing, China. I mean no harshness in my words, I do not mean to portray Chinese people as rude, they are simply Chinese and do things differently than most Americans. I had a great time sightseeing and people watching. If you want to read more about Chinese experiences, check out my brother and sister in law's blog http://www.roamingfryer.com/ . They are living in China for my brother's job and have made many observations. They really are about the coolest people I have ever met.
This one time in china I saw a sign in a public restroom over a toilet "Please don't stand on the WC". Funny how I had never considered that before.
This one time in China my brother said condoms in Chinese were called "jizbombs".
This one time in China I realized that even the Chinese think my brother is cool.
This one time in China J(my brother's friend) said he felt like we were in Oz. We followed a yellow brick road every where (A yellow stripe was on all the sidewalks, under them are the pipes, or so we were told). You were supposed to ignore the man behind the curtain which could either refer to all the cameras on lampposts, or all the men standing on the sides of the roads (or sidewalks)peeing. And lastly, we most certainly were not in Kansas anymore.
This one time in China my brother and I called our youngest brother in Buffalo, NY for his birthday. It was 1 am his time. We scored his first birthday wish of the day! This lead to a brief thought about paybacks. So, the following rule has been set...
*To make a birthday greeting call at an ungodly hour the following must occur;
- A minimum of two family members who reside in different homes must be in the same location, using one phone and can only call on the actual birthday of the other family member.
Violation of this may be punishable by noogies, wedgies, excessive teasing and unfair practices at the next penny scramble. These are, as of now actual posted rules, and must be adhered to. They are enforceable regardless of city, country or continent.
This one time in China I bought a 20 oz. Coke Light (version of Diet Coke, but not as "AHHH-licious") and a good size bucket of popcorn (almost tasted like kettle corn) for 14rmb...roughly $2. I had paid $2.69 for a 20 oz. Diet Coke at the Chicago airport.
This one time in China we had the funniest taxi driver. He spoke very little English, but just how you would imagine a Chinese person would talk with Americans. He had such a nice smile and such broken English and was so happy. "Hello, Where you going." Just thinking about it makes me smile. He also slapped away my sister in law's hands as she used them to give directions...very funny.
This one time in China my brother told me they have a half marathon on the Great Wall. I can't even imagine. Parts of it were so steep (see photo) and there were so many stairs.
This one time in China I went to the Forbidden City, the Ming Tombs, the Great Wall of China. I shopped the Pearl Market and Yoshow in Beijing. I went to the Beijing Zoo and saw panda bears and beluga whale. I went to IKEA for the first time.
This one time in China I drank a whole beer and ate a meal completely with chopsticks. I even had thirds of green beans, which I don't normally like.
This one time in China I had two wonderful foot massages. Actually these two times in China I had a wonderful foot massage.
This one time in China a girl moved on the subway to a different spot and I took her spot...she didn't call 'place back'.
This one time I went to China and didn't talk to my kids or husband for 6 entire days and the world didn't stop, we all survived, even though it was the longest I have gone without my kids in nearly 20 years.
This one time in China I remembered how truly fortunate I am to have a hard working, supportive husband, healthy, intelligent kids and a nice home overflowing with material stuff, electricity, soap, water, toilet paper and love.
This one time in China I had an incredible, delightful adventure with my generous brother and equally amazing sister in law, but there is no place like home.
*The previous series of blogs was brought to you courtesy of my observations during my trip to Beijing, China. I mean no harshness in my words, I do not mean to portray Chinese people as rude, they are simply Chinese and do things differently than most Americans. I had a great time sightseeing and people watching. If you want to read more about Chinese experiences, check out my brother and sister in law's blog http://www.roamingfryer.com/ . They are living in China for my brother's job and have made many observations. They really are about the coolest people I have ever met.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Dumb American
I wonder how often "Dumb American" was mumbled about me during my stay in China. I said it about myself three times, so I imagine the number would be high.
One morning I must have been heavily jet lag influenced as I pushed the button on the elevator to get to the lobby. The elevator arrived, the doors opened, I got on, the doors closed. Nothing. The elevator didn't move. Only I didn't notice.
At this hotel, you needed to slide your room key in the elevator to make the elevator move. I had gotten into the elevator and not only failed to slide my card, but didn't even attempt to push any buttons. I just stood there. It wouldn't have been as humiliating, but after several moments someone else pushed the 'down' button to request an elevator and I realized I was still on my floor. Dumb American.
The other thing your room key does, besides unlock your door, is it operates the electricity in your hotel room. Your key must be in the slot to make the lights work. My brother told me this the day I arrived, and since I had two keys, I just left one in the slot at all times (It allowed the air conditioning to stay on, otherwise I would walk into a warm room). Since I placed my extra key in the slot and left it there, I never thought about it again.
Night four of my stay as I climbed into bed I noticed that the bed was missing a top sheet. It as midnight though and I didn't want to call housekeeping (there would have been a language barrier anyway) and I had my pajamas on so walking to the English speaking concierge was out of the question. I just slept without the sheet...trying not to think about who slept in the bed before I arrived or when the last time that cover was washed.
In the morning I noticed a light bulb in the bathroom was burned out. Whatever. I got ready for the day and was gone until dinner time. When I came back to my room to freshen up for dinner I had no power. I figured it was just another thing gone wrong, you know how things seem to come in threes? Well, I figured no power was my number three. So, I went down to the concierge and said the lights weren't working in my room. She said "Is your key in the slot." DUH! I hadn't even thought about it. I wish I could've seen the look on my face. I must have looked so funny. I stumbled over my words..."I don't know, I have just been leaving the card there..." Anyway, the girl was so nice, she just went ahead and made me a new key. I went back to my room and sure enough, housekeeping had adjusted the (original) key so that it was hanging out of the slot. They also put the top sheet back on the bed. And changed the light bulb. Dumb American.
I needed more cash to shop with, so I headed down to the ATM. I do not travel internationally often. In fact, my passport had expired since my last international trip, which was also my first international trip. (And I didn't have an ATM card the last trip) So, I get to the ATM machine and push the "English" key. I follow the prompts, which includes strict warnings about looking for cameras, wiping the keys off before entering you PIN and making sure nobody is around you.
After several prompts, I get to the screen for withdrawal amounts. I punch in $100. In my mind, I had pushed "English" at the beginning of the session, so I expected to receive the equivalent of $100 US dollars, but in Renminbi (rmb). Nope. I received 100 rmb...about $16 US dollars. Dumb American.
In an effort to lessen the number of shoes I packed (which was 5) I did not pack tennis shoes. I did pack a pair of Croc mary janes (no jokes please, I find them very comfy). Anyway, I had developed a blister the day before heading to the Great Wall. My Crocs were my best walking shoes. I decided I would just wear socks with the Crocs. I was trying to say how Chinese I would look wearing the socks (all the Chinese women wear these ankle high socks with their shoes)but then decided I wanted to say how silly I would look. Well, it came how "I look chilly." My brother thought I said it perfectly...adding a 'ch' to the start of any word automatically makes it Chinese. (We are aware we need to have our hand baskets close at hand)I don't know if the lack of tennis shoes being packed, or the socks with Crocs qualifies for a Dumb American tag or not. The socks did help me blend in though. At least from the ankles down. I also learned a valuable lesson. Always pack more shoes.
Pictured below are my pink Crocs with socks and typical ankle socks the Chinese women wear with ALL types of shoes)
Photo of sign with Chinese spelling (of Taxi)
I have new respect for foreign travelers. I will be less harsh joking about their faux pas and their stereotypical photo taking behaviors. After all, I spent a week in their country being the "Dumb American" taking pictures of toilets, baby butts and footwear choices.
One morning I must have been heavily jet lag influenced as I pushed the button on the elevator to get to the lobby. The elevator arrived, the doors opened, I got on, the doors closed. Nothing. The elevator didn't move. Only I didn't notice.
At this hotel, you needed to slide your room key in the elevator to make the elevator move. I had gotten into the elevator and not only failed to slide my card, but didn't even attempt to push any buttons. I just stood there. It wouldn't have been as humiliating, but after several moments someone else pushed the 'down' button to request an elevator and I realized I was still on my floor. Dumb American.
The other thing your room key does, besides unlock your door, is it operates the electricity in your hotel room. Your key must be in the slot to make the lights work. My brother told me this the day I arrived, and since I had two keys, I just left one in the slot at all times (It allowed the air conditioning to stay on, otherwise I would walk into a warm room). Since I placed my extra key in the slot and left it there, I never thought about it again.
Night four of my stay as I climbed into bed I noticed that the bed was missing a top sheet. It as midnight though and I didn't want to call housekeeping (there would have been a language barrier anyway) and I had my pajamas on so walking to the English speaking concierge was out of the question. I just slept without the sheet...trying not to think about who slept in the bed before I arrived or when the last time that cover was washed.
In the morning I noticed a light bulb in the bathroom was burned out. Whatever. I got ready for the day and was gone until dinner time. When I came back to my room to freshen up for dinner I had no power. I figured it was just another thing gone wrong, you know how things seem to come in threes? Well, I figured no power was my number three. So, I went down to the concierge and said the lights weren't working in my room. She said "Is your key in the slot." DUH! I hadn't even thought about it. I wish I could've seen the look on my face. I must have looked so funny. I stumbled over my words..."I don't know, I have just been leaving the card there..." Anyway, the girl was so nice, she just went ahead and made me a new key. I went back to my room and sure enough, housekeeping had adjusted the (original) key so that it was hanging out of the slot. They also put the top sheet back on the bed. And changed the light bulb. Dumb American.
I needed more cash to shop with, so I headed down to the ATM. I do not travel internationally often. In fact, my passport had expired since my last international trip, which was also my first international trip. (And I didn't have an ATM card the last trip) So, I get to the ATM machine and push the "English" key. I follow the prompts, which includes strict warnings about looking for cameras, wiping the keys off before entering you PIN and making sure nobody is around you.
After several prompts, I get to the screen for withdrawal amounts. I punch in $100. In my mind, I had pushed "English" at the beginning of the session, so I expected to receive the equivalent of $100 US dollars, but in Renminbi (rmb). Nope. I received 100 rmb...about $16 US dollars. Dumb American.
In an effort to lessen the number of shoes I packed (which was 5) I did not pack tennis shoes. I did pack a pair of Croc mary janes (no jokes please, I find them very comfy). Anyway, I had developed a blister the day before heading to the Great Wall. My Crocs were my best walking shoes. I decided I would just wear socks with the Crocs. I was trying to say how Chinese I would look wearing the socks (all the Chinese women wear these ankle high socks with their shoes)but then decided I wanted to say how silly I would look. Well, it came how "I look chilly." My brother thought I said it perfectly...adding a 'ch' to the start of any word automatically makes it Chinese. (We are aware we need to have our hand baskets close at hand)I don't know if the lack of tennis shoes being packed, or the socks with Crocs qualifies for a Dumb American tag or not. The socks did help me blend in though. At least from the ankles down. I also learned a valuable lesson. Always pack more shoes.
Pictured below are my pink Crocs with socks and typical ankle socks the Chinese women wear with ALL types of shoes)
Photo of sign with Chinese spelling (of Taxi)
I have new respect for foreign travelers. I will be less harsh joking about their faux pas and their stereotypical photo taking behaviors. After all, I spent a week in their country being the "Dumb American" taking pictures of toilets, baby butts and footwear choices.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
I'm Ready for IKEA (and Other Things You Probably Have to See to Believe)
I have never been to IKEA. After flying for 15 hours due west, I hopped in a cab and had my first IKEA shopping experience. My brother and sister in law gave me the deluxe tour. IKEA, Beijing. I can't really tell you what they sell there. I can tell you what happens there.
It appears that the couches (1st stop) are very comfortable. Several must come with very high recommendations. How do I know this? At least 20 models had people, no, grown men, sleeping on them. Maybe they were just resting their eyes the way my dad sometimes watches t.v., but it appears they were sleeping, sitting straight up, head tilted back, eyes closed, mouth slightly ajar. I believe they rated the couches 3-4 snores.
IKEA is also apparently the perfect place to go on a date. I know, not your first thought for (an American)date night. But, in Beijing, it seems to be the place to be. Of course, your date needs to be during business hours. We saw several couples in separate family room settings cozied on the couches, having a personal, friendly chat. You can visualize it, can't you? Girl has a leg tucked under her, turned toward the boy who has a pillow on his lap, elbow resting on the back on couch, staring deeply into the girls eyes. Both have nervous smiles. They are oblivious to the rest of the world, or in this case, the throng of the IKEA shoppers.
The IKEA kitchens are the place to be for neighborhood coffee. Or maybe it was a book club? Maybe it was a Tupperware party. OK, I'm stretching what I saw a bit to embellish the story. I did see 4 or 5 women standing around the kitchen counter like they were filming a coffee commercial. Maybe they were just waiting for fresh coffee? I know! They were waiting for the husbands to choose a couch!
All of this IKEA stuff is new to me, and I was fascinated. I never thought about IKEA as anything more than a place to spend money! After my trip, I know there is so much more to do there!
I think IKEA'S main purpose, at least in Beijing, is to provide a nap area for small children. I wish I had photos of this. It was my first day and I had not yet mastered the "photo on the sly". I also was nervous about the guards and cameras everywhere. I also hadn't realized yet how blatant I could get with my photography. I'd go back to Beijing just to take pictures of this wonder of the world..."Naptime at IKEA". Unless...hmm...maybe this is how they display the children up for adoption. That thought hadn't crossed my mind until now... Yeah, I'll probably want to avoid lightening for a few days after that remark.
Anyway, I am not kidding, little children nap at IKEA. Not like American children nap at stores, in carts, or strollers, or in their parents arms. No, in Beijing's IKEA, little children nap IN THE BEDS. In nearly every bed, a small child was sleeping. Their shoes were placed neatly on the floor near the foot of the bed. They were carefully tucked in and a parent was sitting a short distance away engrossed in a book, magazine or perhaps the IKEA catalog. Maybe they were playing Angry Birds. The few empty beds we saw were unmade, sometimes still warm. A couple looked dirty, as if the sheets hadn't been changed for a few weeks.
The Chinese people at IKEA brought to mind The Three Little Bears and Goldilocks. At the end of the store, you would know which bed was just right and assume the empty beds were either too hard or too soft. The same for the couches. And kitchen cabinets. (Only they would be too small, too big, too tall...)
Other Beijing sights that probably need to be seen to believed are the family of three, or four on a single seat moped. It could really be a viral ad "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance." I saw nine people in a regular sedan size car, you know, the kind with like 5 seat belts? The windows of this car were all steamy. None of them had a clown nose on.
I asked my brother about car seats for children, as I saw nobody using them. Granted, on the moped it would be tricky. He laughed. It seems there is no Chinese word for car seat. Most car seats are probably manufactured in China, but there is no word for car seat. My brother has found this to be true of several common American products that are manufactured in China. Items are made there, but not used there, so have no word for them. Imagine the dinner conversation "What did you do at work today Dad?" "Well son, I spent the day putting dohickeys on thingamajigs for the white people to strap little children in so they can do something." Here's a concern...if they don't know what the item is, or what it's for, how do they know if they are building it correctly, or safely?
As we were riding to The Great Wall, I was writing notes for my blog. J (my brother's friend, goes by "Slappy") says "Looks like a fire drill." I expect to look up and see people filing out of a building. Instead, I looked up to see two men, on the highway, running around a parked car...on the highway. I saw an honest to goodness Chinese Fire Drill! How exciting! That wasn't even on our itinerary!
There are cameras everywhere in China. Not ones used for personal use, cameras hung in town, on light posts, monitored by security personnel. I think the government keeps very close tabs on it's people. Some folks believe my brother is also closely watched, that perhaps his driver and housekeeper go through random briefing sessions to make sure my brother is in China for the reasons he has said. Work. (In fact, since I've mentioned it...I'll interrupt this blog for a word from our sponsor. The next time you are in the market for a push mower, a tractor or perhaps a combine, consider John Deere. Nothing runs like a Deere. Now back to the regularly scheduled blog...)My brother provided a good laugh when after switching the subway line several times he said he imagined the guy trailing him on the phone saying "Boss, I need more nickles, he's on the subway again."
For the record, Howie Mandel would not like China. There is way too much touching.
We passed one area, by Worker's Stadium (which was used during Beijing's turn to host the Olympics) where all these men were standing looking at what appeared to be 10 or so large bulletin boards.The newspaper was posted on the boards and the men stood and read, moved down to the next board for the next section. I wonder if in the morning they wear their robes and drink coffee while doing this? A few feet from the public newspaper display were more men in groups. Most were hollering loudly. They were playing a game that looked like checkers, but they were slamming the tokens down and shouting. They also played cards in the same fashion, yelling and slamming the cards on the table. I have no idea what they were playing, or what the rules were, but it was fun to watch.
Many women in China wear lightweight fabric sleeves on their arms if they are wearing short sleeved shirts.Some have gloves built into the sleeves. I saw a few that looked like a bib with arms. Many other women carry parasols (not umbrellas, parasols are for sun, umbrellas for rain). Women I suspect wish their skin to stay pale, so they protect themselves from the sun. Men on the other hand must value a tanned belly (read a few blogs back about telling the temperature). An important message! Sunglasses are crucial when touring China! They protect your eye from coming into contact with parasols.
I found China and it's people fascinating. The people watching was the best I've ever witnessed! I saw things I've never seen before and learned so much. I can't wait to move to Denver and check out the new IKEA. I could use a nap.
It appears that the couches (1st stop) are very comfortable. Several must come with very high recommendations. How do I know this? At least 20 models had people, no, grown men, sleeping on them. Maybe they were just resting their eyes the way my dad sometimes watches t.v., but it appears they were sleeping, sitting straight up, head tilted back, eyes closed, mouth slightly ajar. I believe they rated the couches 3-4 snores.
IKEA is also apparently the perfect place to go on a date. I know, not your first thought for (an American)date night. But, in Beijing, it seems to be the place to be. Of course, your date needs to be during business hours. We saw several couples in separate family room settings cozied on the couches, having a personal, friendly chat. You can visualize it, can't you? Girl has a leg tucked under her, turned toward the boy who has a pillow on his lap, elbow resting on the back on couch, staring deeply into the girls eyes. Both have nervous smiles. They are oblivious to the rest of the world, or in this case, the throng of the IKEA shoppers.
The IKEA kitchens are the place to be for neighborhood coffee. Or maybe it was a book club? Maybe it was a Tupperware party. OK, I'm stretching what I saw a bit to embellish the story. I did see 4 or 5 women standing around the kitchen counter like they were filming a coffee commercial. Maybe they were just waiting for fresh coffee? I know! They were waiting for the husbands to choose a couch!
All of this IKEA stuff is new to me, and I was fascinated. I never thought about IKEA as anything more than a place to spend money! After my trip, I know there is so much more to do there!
I think IKEA'S main purpose, at least in Beijing, is to provide a nap area for small children. I wish I had photos of this. It was my first day and I had not yet mastered the "photo on the sly". I also was nervous about the guards and cameras everywhere. I also hadn't realized yet how blatant I could get with my photography. I'd go back to Beijing just to take pictures of this wonder of the world..."Naptime at IKEA". Unless...hmm...maybe this is how they display the children up for adoption. That thought hadn't crossed my mind until now... Yeah, I'll probably want to avoid lightening for a few days after that remark.
Anyway, I am not kidding, little children nap at IKEA. Not like American children nap at stores, in carts, or strollers, or in their parents arms. No, in Beijing's IKEA, little children nap IN THE BEDS. In nearly every bed, a small child was sleeping. Their shoes were placed neatly on the floor near the foot of the bed. They were carefully tucked in and a parent was sitting a short distance away engrossed in a book, magazine or perhaps the IKEA catalog. Maybe they were playing Angry Birds. The few empty beds we saw were unmade, sometimes still warm. A couple looked dirty, as if the sheets hadn't been changed for a few weeks.
The Chinese people at IKEA brought to mind The Three Little Bears and Goldilocks. At the end of the store, you would know which bed was just right and assume the empty beds were either too hard or too soft. The same for the couches. And kitchen cabinets. (Only they would be too small, too big, too tall...)
Other Beijing sights that probably need to be seen to believed are the family of three, or four on a single seat moped. It could really be a viral ad "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance." I saw nine people in a regular sedan size car, you know, the kind with like 5 seat belts? The windows of this car were all steamy. None of them had a clown nose on.
I asked my brother about car seats for children, as I saw nobody using them. Granted, on the moped it would be tricky. He laughed. It seems there is no Chinese word for car seat. Most car seats are probably manufactured in China, but there is no word for car seat. My brother has found this to be true of several common American products that are manufactured in China. Items are made there, but not used there, so have no word for them. Imagine the dinner conversation "What did you do at work today Dad?" "Well son, I spent the day putting dohickeys on thingamajigs for the white people to strap little children in so they can do something." Here's a concern...if they don't know what the item is, or what it's for, how do they know if they are building it correctly, or safely?
As we were riding to The Great Wall, I was writing notes for my blog. J (my brother's friend, goes by "Slappy") says "Looks like a fire drill." I expect to look up and see people filing out of a building. Instead, I looked up to see two men, on the highway, running around a parked car...on the highway. I saw an honest to goodness Chinese Fire Drill! How exciting! That wasn't even on our itinerary!
There are cameras everywhere in China. Not ones used for personal use, cameras hung in town, on light posts, monitored by security personnel. I think the government keeps very close tabs on it's people. Some folks believe my brother is also closely watched, that perhaps his driver and housekeeper go through random briefing sessions to make sure my brother is in China for the reasons he has said. Work. (In fact, since I've mentioned it...I'll interrupt this blog for a word from our sponsor. The next time you are in the market for a push mower, a tractor or perhaps a combine, consider John Deere. Nothing runs like a Deere. Now back to the regularly scheduled blog...)My brother provided a good laugh when after switching the subway line several times he said he imagined the guy trailing him on the phone saying "Boss, I need more nickles, he's on the subway again."
For the record, Howie Mandel would not like China. There is way too much touching.
We passed one area, by Worker's Stadium (which was used during Beijing's turn to host the Olympics) where all these men were standing looking at what appeared to be 10 or so large bulletin boards.The newspaper was posted on the boards and the men stood and read, moved down to the next board for the next section. I wonder if in the morning they wear their robes and drink coffee while doing this? A few feet from the public newspaper display were more men in groups. Most were hollering loudly. They were playing a game that looked like checkers, but they were slamming the tokens down and shouting. They also played cards in the same fashion, yelling and slamming the cards on the table. I have no idea what they were playing, or what the rules were, but it was fun to watch.
Many women in China wear lightweight fabric sleeves on their arms if they are wearing short sleeved shirts.Some have gloves built into the sleeves. I saw a few that looked like a bib with arms. Many other women carry parasols (not umbrellas, parasols are for sun, umbrellas for rain). Women I suspect wish their skin to stay pale, so they protect themselves from the sun. Men on the other hand must value a tanned belly (read a few blogs back about telling the temperature). An important message! Sunglasses are crucial when touring China! They protect your eye from coming into contact with parasols.
I found China and it's people fascinating. The people watching was the best I've ever witnessed! I saw things I've never seen before and learned so much. I can't wait to move to Denver and check out the new IKEA. I could use a nap.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tag Me on Facebook
Since my brother and SIL have been in China, they have experienced a paparazzi-esque type thing. Everywhere they go, they are stopped and asked to be in a photo with one of the locals.
When my brother turned 40 a few years ago, my whole family surprised him with a visit. We all wore shirts saying "Joe* is 40" and gave him a shirt saying "I am Joe". (*the name has been changed to protect the over 40) I am thinking perhaps he should wear that shirt around his town in China so the paparazzi can ask for him by name, or at least know who they are photographing. I mean besides the white guy.
During my stay in China I was asked twice to be in a photo. Once a very nervous young man (maybe 15) asked me in English "Do you speak Chinese?" I said "No, but he does" and pointed to my brother. My brother shook his head and the young man proceeded to ask (in English) "Could I take your picture." Of course I said, "Yes".
The second time, a little girl (about 7) came up to me, pointed to me, then to her camera. I nodded. She ran back to her mother and handed her the camera, then ran back to stand by me. I posed with 2 fingers up ('peace' to us, 'victory' to the Chinese). We saw nearly all the young people doing this particular pose.
Both of the requests happened while we were touring the Forbidden City. My brother and SIL were also requested to be in pictures there. For some reason, their tall, strawberry blond friend J (A.K.A. Slappy) was not asked. We were also not asked to pose as multiples, or as a group. It seemed the locals liked to separate us from our herd of four. Maybe they asked the slowest? The weakest? Maybe nobody would believe a photograph with more than one white person was real?
I toured China and took photos of all sorts of things. I took photos of people as sneaky as I could because I found their attire, or in the case of children, their lack of attire, interesting. I found the vehicles interesting. I found the sheer number of people intriguing. I took lots of photos, on the sly. When we were in the Forbidden City, it became quickly apparent that photos were being taken of us...on the sly. Once we caught on to this, we started being silly, flashing peace signs, smiling, letting the photographer know, that we knew. After we saw how blatant people were about taking our picture, I just started being blatant about my photo taking. Of course, I would be easier to spot in a crowd if the subject wasn't happy I took their picture...
J said "Sometimes you're the spectator, sometimes you're the show" (or something to that effect). We were the show an awful lot.
Little kids especially seemed in awe of the herd of white people. They would say "foreigner" (in Chinese) and tug on their parents sleeve. If my brother heard this, he would say "correct" (in Chinese) which really baffled the kids. Some school age kids thought it was funny to get real close to you (like close enough to lick you) and shout "Hello" (in English) then they would run away and giggle. I imagined a scavenger hunt... Photo with an American 5 points. Speak to an American 7 points. Photo with an American flashing the peace sign 6 points. Photo of American without them knowing 10 points.
If I ever go to China again, I think I'll wear a shirt that says (in Chinese) "photos available - 1 rmb". Or one that says "Tag me on facebook". If I had worn one this trip I think I would have 700 new tags.
We had loads of fun playing "Where's Waldo" China style. We would walk into a crowd, alone, and have another person from our herd take a photo of us. J was an easy spot because of his height and hair color. My SIL is a fairly easy spot as she is fair skinned and strawberry blondish hair. My brother is starting to blend a bit, but still is a white guy. I have brown hair and I'm short. I added a level of difficulty to the game. With the ever present "Great Wall of People" the game is tough, but makes for lots of laughs. (My brother is in first photo, I am in the next two)
Certainly the four of us were the talk-abouts at the dinner table (as in "Guess what I saw in town today"). We will also be featured in many "On my summer vacation" reports (as in "on my summer vacation I had my photo taken/said 'hello' to a white person!" They have the photos to prove it.
Now, if only China approved the use of facebook we could get on with the business of tagging.
When my brother turned 40 a few years ago, my whole family surprised him with a visit. We all wore shirts saying "Joe* is 40" and gave him a shirt saying "I am Joe". (*the name has been changed to protect the over 40) I am thinking perhaps he should wear that shirt around his town in China so the paparazzi can ask for him by name, or at least know who they are photographing. I mean besides the white guy.
During my stay in China I was asked twice to be in a photo. Once a very nervous young man (maybe 15) asked me in English "Do you speak Chinese?" I said "No, but he does" and pointed to my brother. My brother shook his head and the young man proceeded to ask (in English) "Could I take your picture." Of course I said, "Yes".
The second time, a little girl (about 7) came up to me, pointed to me, then to her camera. I nodded. She ran back to her mother and handed her the camera, then ran back to stand by me. I posed with 2 fingers up ('peace' to us, 'victory' to the Chinese). We saw nearly all the young people doing this particular pose.
Both of the requests happened while we were touring the Forbidden City. My brother and SIL were also requested to be in pictures there. For some reason, their tall, strawberry blond friend J (A.K.A. Slappy) was not asked. We were also not asked to pose as multiples, or as a group. It seemed the locals liked to separate us from our herd of four. Maybe they asked the slowest? The weakest? Maybe nobody would believe a photograph with more than one white person was real?
I toured China and took photos of all sorts of things. I took photos of people as sneaky as I could because I found their attire, or in the case of children, their lack of attire, interesting. I found the vehicles interesting. I found the sheer number of people intriguing. I took lots of photos, on the sly. When we were in the Forbidden City, it became quickly apparent that photos were being taken of us...on the sly. Once we caught on to this, we started being silly, flashing peace signs, smiling, letting the photographer know, that we knew. After we saw how blatant people were about taking our picture, I just started being blatant about my photo taking. Of course, I would be easier to spot in a crowd if the subject wasn't happy I took their picture...
J said "Sometimes you're the spectator, sometimes you're the show" (or something to that effect). We were the show an awful lot.
Little kids especially seemed in awe of the herd of white people. They would say "foreigner" (in Chinese) and tug on their parents sleeve. If my brother heard this, he would say "correct" (in Chinese) which really baffled the kids. Some school age kids thought it was funny to get real close to you (like close enough to lick you) and shout "Hello" (in English) then they would run away and giggle. I imagined a scavenger hunt... Photo with an American 5 points. Speak to an American 7 points. Photo with an American flashing the peace sign 6 points. Photo of American without them knowing 10 points.
If I ever go to China again, I think I'll wear a shirt that says (in Chinese) "photos available - 1 rmb". Or one that says "Tag me on facebook". If I had worn one this trip I think I would have 700 new tags.
We had loads of fun playing "Where's Waldo" China style. We would walk into a crowd, alone, and have another person from our herd take a photo of us. J was an easy spot because of his height and hair color. My SIL is a fairly easy spot as she is fair skinned and strawberry blondish hair. My brother is starting to blend a bit, but still is a white guy. I have brown hair and I'm short. I added a level of difficulty to the game. With the ever present "Great Wall of People" the game is tough, but makes for lots of laughs. (My brother is in first photo, I am in the next two)
Certainly the four of us were the talk-abouts at the dinner table (as in "Guess what I saw in town today"). We will also be featured in many "On my summer vacation" reports (as in "on my summer vacation I had my photo taken/said 'hello' to a white person!" They have the photos to prove it.
Now, if only China approved the use of facebook we could get on with the business of tagging.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Sights, Sounds and Sensations
During my six day stay in Beijing I experienced a plethora of sense sensations. My eyes could not devour the sights quickly enough. Everywhere I looked, I saw something you don't see everyday. Even my brother, who currently lives in China says "Every day in China you see something you don't see everyday."
I went to the Beijing Zoo and saw panda bears and beluga whales. I saw the Great Wall of China (both the structure and the wall of people). I saw the Forbidden city and Ming Tombs. I saw more traffic than I will see cumulatively for the next 12 years. I saw baby butts and toddlers squatting to pee...in public. I saw lots of men peeing on the sides of the roads, or off the main sidewalks at the touristy places.
I'm not sure how long it will take for my mind to digest all my eyes saw. It was visual stimulation to the nth degree. It was fabulous! I have been home for almost two weeks and I am still thinking of things I witnessed and haven't told anyone about. I haven't come off my high.
Not to be left out, my ears also were consistently stimulated. The constant sound of the Chinese language, often loud and angry sounding. The endless horn honking from vehicles. The banter from the vendors. My ears were on full alert.
I am amazed at the level of ability my brother and sister in law have for speaking and understanding Mandarin. They have only been in China since November. It was fun to hear them talk. It was really fun when a native took the time to converse with them (usually a taxi driver or shop keeper) as my brother and SIL would laugh and often learn something new. After a few days, I was starting to hear the same words over and over, so I too was learning, but on a much, MUCH, slower curve.
It seems a requirement to honk the horn every three to five feet when driving. Perhaps the horn was attached to the tires and automatically honked when the tire made a complete rotation. Yes, I know that isn't how it really worked, but if you heard all the honking, you would know why I think that. Horns blared in moving and unmoving vehicles alike. It was acceptable (or standard) to honk to alert the traffic in front of you that you are there. The honk was a vehicles way of saying "Stop. I dare you." If all the horns had been in different keys, it would have been a lovely symphony. However, it all sounded the same, so it was just loud, constant noise. After a few days, you tuned the horn noise out...at least during the day. The horns still blared when you went to bed and were usually the first thing you heard in the morning, even before your alarm clock.
We went to the Pearl Market and Yoshow for some full contact shopping. It is a sport filled with great fun and challenging scores. As you approach stalls,you are accosted by the vendors. They grab your arm shouting things like "Hey lady, wanna buy purse (t-shirt, jacket, scarf...)". When you do stop to inquire about an item, you ask "How much?". They respond with "I give you good price."(Other common phrases include "Special price for you.", "This handmade.", "We friends. For you this price...") Then they pull out a giant calculator and the punch in a number.
You negotiate back and forth using the giant calculator. I had asked for tips before trying this out myself. I had my brother and SIL do the first few rounds of negotiating, telling them how much $$ in US currency I was willing to spend, then we translated that to rmb (Chinese currency) and started negotiating. I was curious about if you tell them from the start how much you are offering and stand firm, or start low and go up to your comfort level. I tried both methods, 'cause I love a bargain! Always after your first offer, the vendor looks at the number and says "You joking! Give me serious price." Or sometimes "I make no money at this price." If you can't agree on a price and walk away, the vendor starts hollering "OK,OK, OK." and you go back and pay them...your price. It was fun! I came home with many treasures, all at a special, good price, 'cause they were all my friends and often their first customer of the day. Really, they told me!
My ears had one final treat in Beijing. The morning I left, at 6:15am I heard fireworks. Only in my sleep, I thought they were gunshots and I must have jumped a mile. My brother and SIL chuckled when I asked about the noise. They said it is common to hear fireworks in the morning. Probably a new store was opening, or possibly someone was celebrating the day. It was August 8th (8/8) and '8' is a lucky number in China. I still suspect my leaving was being celebrated.
You can't properly discuss the senses without mentioning smell. There are street vendors everywhere selling different types of food. I saw lots of fruits and lots of cooked sausages. The sausage was normally on a stick and sometimes cut so it looked like petals of a flower, or spikes of a cactus. There was also frequently something that looked like a pancake, or tortilla. I didn't try any street vendor food as I didn't get my Hepatitis C shot...and the cleanliness seemed concerning to me. I think I have already covered the smell of the public toilets...and after talking about food, well, not a good mix.
My favorite, very favorite part of the Beijing sense stimulation was a trip to Bohdi for a foot massage. The place was clean, and cool and fantastic. In fact, this overload of fabulous stimulation was so good, we went twice (in my six day stay!)There were four of us, my brother, my SIL, brother's friend Slappy (A.K.A. J) and myself. We were in a room with lovely purple recliners all in a line. During the first trip there, my SIL said "I am trying hard not to make any noises." It made me laugh because I was thinking, "If I keep biting my tongue, I won't recreate the scene from 'When Harry met Sally'." The experience was so good that at one time I am pretty sure I forgot my name.
Anyway, to call this experience a foot massage is completely unfair. To say my feet were massaged IS fair. But so were my back, arms, hands, neck and legs. The whole experience starts with your feet soaking in very hot tea, in an old wooden bucket (lined with a plastic liner). All I could think about during this part is when you are a young girl having slumber parties and how people would talk about dipping the first girl who falls asleep hand in water to make them wet the bed. Pretty sure hot water on the feet would have worked better. Thank God for kegels. What? TMI?
On our second visit, we all relaxed more as we knew what to expect and were all determined to get the most relaxation we could. We all closed our eyes, a few of us may have even fallen asleep. (Nobody who lives in the US...it's a China thing. I'll explain in a later blog.)We had four men do the first massages and four women do the second massages. They all work in unison for an hour and fifteen minutes. The two massages were very similar, although each therapists did seem to have a few special tricks. My second massage included a LOUD back cracking which felt excellent and lead to the first night in about 6 months with no back pain during my sleep. (This was later compromised by a 15 hour plane ride...but it still...it was AWESOME!)I may have let a small moan escape.
Yes, a foot massage at Bodhi was definitely a highlight of the sense-sational trip to Beijing. If you are ever traveling to Beijing, be sure to schedule your appointment. Check their website (they are located across from Worker's stadium). This blogger gives them 5 stars and 2 big toes up. Oh! And try the pear juice!
Speaking of pear juice makes my taste buds tingle. I had never heard of pear juice before. It tasted like cucumber and for some unknown reason (probably a good one) it was frothy.
Beijing is host to many visitors. Most of the places we ate were largely populated by non-Chinese. We had pizza and burgers. We did have two more traditional Chinese meals that included tofu skin, duck and green beans with some yummy sauce (I had three helpings, and I don't like green beans). Bless my brother and SIL souls, I didn't have any jellyfish, stinky tofu or any other things that I would have felt bad for rejecting. I did have to spit out a chunk of ginger. I thought it was a water chestnut. SURPRISE! The food was terrific. I even had a beer. My first in probably 20 years.
One sight my husband will be sorry he missed...the hotel room. More specifically the bathroom. The room was beautiful, and the wall dividing the sleeping portion from the bathing section was actually a full, floor to ceiling window. The shower was full, clear glass. You could bathe or pee and watch the tv in the other room. It was like being in a fish bowl while doing your most personal things. He would have loved it. I did love it...because I was alone. With company, it would have been painful. I don't care to be on display while naked. I was thankful I was in the room alone. (And that there was a closeable shade in case your husband does make the trip.)
My head is still spinning from the sensory overload. My brain will continue processing. I will continue smiling. I will forever be grateful for the invitation and hospitality from my brother and SIL . Keyi?
I went to the Beijing Zoo and saw panda bears and beluga whales. I saw the Great Wall of China (both the structure and the wall of people). I saw the Forbidden city and Ming Tombs. I saw more traffic than I will see cumulatively for the next 12 years. I saw baby butts and toddlers squatting to pee...in public. I saw lots of men peeing on the sides of the roads, or off the main sidewalks at the touristy places.
I'm not sure how long it will take for my mind to digest all my eyes saw. It was visual stimulation to the nth degree. It was fabulous! I have been home for almost two weeks and I am still thinking of things I witnessed and haven't told anyone about. I haven't come off my high.
Not to be left out, my ears also were consistently stimulated. The constant sound of the Chinese language, often loud and angry sounding. The endless horn honking from vehicles. The banter from the vendors. My ears were on full alert.
I am amazed at the level of ability my brother and sister in law have for speaking and understanding Mandarin. They have only been in China since November. It was fun to hear them talk. It was really fun when a native took the time to converse with them (usually a taxi driver or shop keeper) as my brother and SIL would laugh and often learn something new. After a few days, I was starting to hear the same words over and over, so I too was learning, but on a much, MUCH, slower curve.
It seems a requirement to honk the horn every three to five feet when driving. Perhaps the horn was attached to the tires and automatically honked when the tire made a complete rotation. Yes, I know that isn't how it really worked, but if you heard all the honking, you would know why I think that. Horns blared in moving and unmoving vehicles alike. It was acceptable (or standard) to honk to alert the traffic in front of you that you are there. The honk was a vehicles way of saying "Stop. I dare you." If all the horns had been in different keys, it would have been a lovely symphony. However, it all sounded the same, so it was just loud, constant noise. After a few days, you tuned the horn noise out...at least during the day. The horns still blared when you went to bed and were usually the first thing you heard in the morning, even before your alarm clock.
We went to the Pearl Market and Yoshow for some full contact shopping. It is a sport filled with great fun and challenging scores. As you approach stalls,you are accosted by the vendors. They grab your arm shouting things like "Hey lady, wanna buy purse (t-shirt, jacket, scarf...)". When you do stop to inquire about an item, you ask "How much?". They respond with "I give you good price."(Other common phrases include "Special price for you.", "This handmade.", "We friends. For you this price...") Then they pull out a giant calculator and the punch in a number.
You negotiate back and forth using the giant calculator. I had asked for tips before trying this out myself. I had my brother and SIL do the first few rounds of negotiating, telling them how much $$ in US currency I was willing to spend, then we translated that to rmb (Chinese currency) and started negotiating. I was curious about if you tell them from the start how much you are offering and stand firm, or start low and go up to your comfort level. I tried both methods, 'cause I love a bargain! Always after your first offer, the vendor looks at the number and says "You joking! Give me serious price." Or sometimes "I make no money at this price." If you can't agree on a price and walk away, the vendor starts hollering "OK,OK, OK." and you go back and pay them...your price. It was fun! I came home with many treasures, all at a special, good price, 'cause they were all my friends and often their first customer of the day. Really, they told me!
My ears had one final treat in Beijing. The morning I left, at 6:15am I heard fireworks. Only in my sleep, I thought they were gunshots and I must have jumped a mile. My brother and SIL chuckled when I asked about the noise. They said it is common to hear fireworks in the morning. Probably a new store was opening, or possibly someone was celebrating the day. It was August 8th (8/8) and '8' is a lucky number in China. I still suspect my leaving was being celebrated.
You can't properly discuss the senses without mentioning smell. There are street vendors everywhere selling different types of food. I saw lots of fruits and lots of cooked sausages. The sausage was normally on a stick and sometimes cut so it looked like petals of a flower, or spikes of a cactus. There was also frequently something that looked like a pancake, or tortilla. I didn't try any street vendor food as I didn't get my Hepatitis C shot...and the cleanliness seemed concerning to me. I think I have already covered the smell of the public toilets...and after talking about food, well, not a good mix.
My favorite, very favorite part of the Beijing sense stimulation was a trip to Bohdi for a foot massage. The place was clean, and cool and fantastic. In fact, this overload of fabulous stimulation was so good, we went twice (in my six day stay!)There were four of us, my brother, my SIL, brother's friend Slappy (A.K.A. J) and myself. We were in a room with lovely purple recliners all in a line. During the first trip there, my SIL said "I am trying hard not to make any noises." It made me laugh because I was thinking, "If I keep biting my tongue, I won't recreate the scene from 'When Harry met Sally'." The experience was so good that at one time I am pretty sure I forgot my name.
Anyway, to call this experience a foot massage is completely unfair. To say my feet were massaged IS fair. But so were my back, arms, hands, neck and legs. The whole experience starts with your feet soaking in very hot tea, in an old wooden bucket (lined with a plastic liner). All I could think about during this part is when you are a young girl having slumber parties and how people would talk about dipping the first girl who falls asleep hand in water to make them wet the bed. Pretty sure hot water on the feet would have worked better. Thank God for kegels. What? TMI?
On our second visit, we all relaxed more as we knew what to expect and were all determined to get the most relaxation we could. We all closed our eyes, a few of us may have even fallen asleep. (Nobody who lives in the US...it's a China thing. I'll explain in a later blog.)We had four men do the first massages and four women do the second massages. They all work in unison for an hour and fifteen minutes. The two massages were very similar, although each therapists did seem to have a few special tricks. My second massage included a LOUD back cracking which felt excellent and lead to the first night in about 6 months with no back pain during my sleep. (This was later compromised by a 15 hour plane ride...but it still...it was AWESOME!)I may have let a small moan escape.
Yes, a foot massage at Bodhi was definitely a highlight of the sense-sational trip to Beijing. If you are ever traveling to Beijing, be sure to schedule your appointment. Check their website (they are located across from Worker's stadium). This blogger gives them 5 stars and 2 big toes up. Oh! And try the pear juice!
Speaking of pear juice makes my taste buds tingle. I had never heard of pear juice before. It tasted like cucumber and for some unknown reason (probably a good one) it was frothy.
Beijing is host to many visitors. Most of the places we ate were largely populated by non-Chinese. We had pizza and burgers. We did have two more traditional Chinese meals that included tofu skin, duck and green beans with some yummy sauce (I had three helpings, and I don't like green beans). Bless my brother and SIL souls, I didn't have any jellyfish, stinky tofu or any other things that I would have felt bad for rejecting. I did have to spit out a chunk of ginger. I thought it was a water chestnut. SURPRISE! The food was terrific. I even had a beer. My first in probably 20 years.
One sight my husband will be sorry he missed...the hotel room. More specifically the bathroom. The room was beautiful, and the wall dividing the sleeping portion from the bathing section was actually a full, floor to ceiling window. The shower was full, clear glass. You could bathe or pee and watch the tv in the other room. It was like being in a fish bowl while doing your most personal things. He would have loved it. I did love it...because I was alone. With company, it would have been painful. I don't care to be on display while naked. I was thankful I was in the room alone. (And that there was a closeable shade in case your husband does make the trip.)
My head is still spinning from the sensory overload. My brain will continue processing. I will continue smiling. I will forever be grateful for the invitation and hospitality from my brother and SIL . Keyi?
Friday, August 19, 2011
Your American is Showing
I visited my brother and sister in law in Beijing, China for six days. Although my physical appearance and the fact that I spoke English was a pretty dead give away that I was American, there were other things that gave me away.
My brother had four coworkers and a friend there too, and amongst our group, you would heard exclamations of "Your American is Showing", normally from me, as I found the things we Americans do as funny when immersed in the Chinese culture.
When we would cross the street, and wait for traffic to clear, it was like a Bill Engvall moment "Here's your sign", only the sign said "Your American is Showing." Try to be polite when entering or exiting an elevator or subway? "Your American is Showing." If you said "Excuse me" or "Sorry" when bumping into someone, your American Flag was flapping loudly in the breeze. As I've previously mentioned, bumping into someone was just the way China worked. It was virtually impossible to NOT bump into people. For the record, the weather was hot and HUMID, so the breeze comment is just for literary effect, there was in fact no breeze.
The funniest example of "Your American is Showing" was during our second foot massage (more on that in my next blog) and one of the therapists sneezed. My SIL had already told me people in China don't say "Bless you", as sneezing is just a bodily function, no need to be blessed (yet in the Chinese temples they have something about 10 inches tall in the doorway to step over to trick the evil spirits, and have curved walkways in the gardens to trick evil spirits). Anyway, during our second foot massage, my brother's friend J (A.K.A. Slappy the Clown for reasons I have yet to uncover) said 'Bless you" to the gal that sneezed. The room was completely silent. It could have been because the girls working on our feet spoke little English, but then the story isn't as funny. As a side note, in China, the people don't cover their mouths/noses for coughs and sneezes. They must have never learned the rhyme "Cover your mouth for coughs or sneezes..." or maybe it doesn't rhyme in Mandarin. They also think it is completely socially acceptable to spit anywhere, anytime. I was proud to show my American by side stepping the spit on the sidewalk.
The American standard for a restroom will be forever changed after visiting China. It started with getting the terminology correct. It is a toilet, not a restroom or a bathroom. You are going there for a toilet, not a rest, or a bath. Then there was the slight surprise (we Americans are very spoiled) when my SIL handed me Kleenex. My brother informed me that many (most) toilets in China are the BYOAW variety. (Bring Your Own Ass Wipe) What they didn't tell me was that I was about to encounter my very first "Shanghai Sh$tter". Not only is toilet paper apparently a luxury, so is sitting, or at least a slight hover. You got a pretty good squat exercise when using the public restroom. The toilet paper (Kleenex) is not flushed, but placed in a waste basket (unlike trash elsewhere, as I will explain in a minute). I would not recommend wearing flip flops in Chinese public restrooms. Just saying.
My standard for a restroom used to be clean. Things like doors, water, toilet paper, soap, and paper towels, are so commonplace in America, that we take them for granted. My new standard is "please let there be toilet paper". I tried hard to camouflage my American each time I encountered a toilet. I drank lots of (bottled) water in China. My American showed often.
My favorite restaurant in Beijing was not decided because the food was delicious. In fact, upon declaring the restaurant as my favorite, we hadn't eaten a bite yet. No, it was my favorite because they had the most beautiful trifecta...toilet paper, soap and paper towel! I actually sung out the tune you might hear as the clouds part to make way for the sun..."Aawwwhhh". I can't even recall if the place was clean...
At one restaurant we went, my SIL and I both went to the toilet at the same time, like women do, only at this place, the toilets were unisex, one toilet behind each door. So, my SIL went one way, I went the other. She got a normal toilet, I got the low rise type.
The worst toilet experience was at the Forbidden City. Air freshener must be on the Forbidden list. You are surrounded by beautiful temples and the bathrooms are yucky. By Chinese standards. Not only were they a BYOAW, they were PYNOV also. (Plug Your Nose or Vomit). The odor started upon approaching the entrance to the toilets. I took my sunglasses off and put them in my mouth for safe keeping. I didn't want them falling off my face or head while doing my squat exercises. I took a deep breath and headed in. As I was doing what you do in the toilet area, I felt the urge to breathe, however, I knew I could not breathe through my nose, so I took a breath through my mouth...which made my glasses fall...to the floor...in the worst smelling toilet I had yet encountered...unclean by even Chinese standards. There was no soap. After a quick wave of complete disgust, I pulled out the Wet Wipes I had packed, just in case. The package claims to kill 99% of all germs. Hopefully they tested in China. (Where they were probably manufactured.)
My American showed the most because I used a trash can. Or when I tried to clear my space after eating in a fast food restaurant (KFC is big in China...I assume the 'c' is not for cat). It is strange how much trash is on the ground in China, even in the temples, or restaurant floors. I kept thinking that I just can't unlearn some things...I mean, you can take the girl out of the U.S., but you can't take the U.S. out of the girl.
I have taken many things for granted being an American. Things like toilet paper. (Not to mention democracy) Although to the Chinese citizens we Americans probably look flawed because we wait our turn, need toilet paper, say "Bless you" and use trash cans. I LOVED my trip to China, I really did. I however wouldn't trade being an American...for...well...for all the tea in China.
My brother had four coworkers and a friend there too, and amongst our group, you would heard exclamations of "Your American is Showing", normally from me, as I found the things we Americans do as funny when immersed in the Chinese culture.
When we would cross the street, and wait for traffic to clear, it was like a Bill Engvall moment "Here's your sign", only the sign said "Your American is Showing." Try to be polite when entering or exiting an elevator or subway? "Your American is Showing." If you said "Excuse me" or "Sorry" when bumping into someone, your American Flag was flapping loudly in the breeze. As I've previously mentioned, bumping into someone was just the way China worked. It was virtually impossible to NOT bump into people. For the record, the weather was hot and HUMID, so the breeze comment is just for literary effect, there was in fact no breeze.
The funniest example of "Your American is Showing" was during our second foot massage (more on that in my next blog) and one of the therapists sneezed. My SIL had already told me people in China don't say "Bless you", as sneezing is just a bodily function, no need to be blessed (yet in the Chinese temples they have something about 10 inches tall in the doorway to step over to trick the evil spirits, and have curved walkways in the gardens to trick evil spirits). Anyway, during our second foot massage, my brother's friend J (A.K.A. Slappy the Clown for reasons I have yet to uncover) said 'Bless you" to the gal that sneezed. The room was completely silent. It could have been because the girls working on our feet spoke little English, but then the story isn't as funny. As a side note, in China, the people don't cover their mouths/noses for coughs and sneezes. They must have never learned the rhyme "Cover your mouth for coughs or sneezes..." or maybe it doesn't rhyme in Mandarin. They also think it is completely socially acceptable to spit anywhere, anytime. I was proud to show my American by side stepping the spit on the sidewalk.
The American standard for a restroom will be forever changed after visiting China. It started with getting the terminology correct. It is a toilet, not a restroom or a bathroom. You are going there for a toilet, not a rest, or a bath. Then there was the slight surprise (we Americans are very spoiled) when my SIL handed me Kleenex. My brother informed me that many (most) toilets in China are the BYOAW variety. (Bring Your Own Ass Wipe) What they didn't tell me was that I was about to encounter my very first "Shanghai Sh$tter". Not only is toilet paper apparently a luxury, so is sitting, or at least a slight hover. You got a pretty good squat exercise when using the public restroom. The toilet paper (Kleenex) is not flushed, but placed in a waste basket (unlike trash elsewhere, as I will explain in a minute). I would not recommend wearing flip flops in Chinese public restrooms. Just saying.
My standard for a restroom used to be clean. Things like doors, water, toilet paper, soap, and paper towels, are so commonplace in America, that we take them for granted. My new standard is "please let there be toilet paper". I tried hard to camouflage my American each time I encountered a toilet. I drank lots of (bottled) water in China. My American showed often.
My favorite restaurant in Beijing was not decided because the food was delicious. In fact, upon declaring the restaurant as my favorite, we hadn't eaten a bite yet. No, it was my favorite because they had the most beautiful trifecta...toilet paper, soap and paper towel! I actually sung out the tune you might hear as the clouds part to make way for the sun..."Aawwwhhh". I can't even recall if the place was clean...
At one restaurant we went, my SIL and I both went to the toilet at the same time, like women do, only at this place, the toilets were unisex, one toilet behind each door. So, my SIL went one way, I went the other. She got a normal toilet, I got the low rise type.
The worst toilet experience was at the Forbidden City. Air freshener must be on the Forbidden list. You are surrounded by beautiful temples and the bathrooms are yucky. By Chinese standards. Not only were they a BYOAW, they were PYNOV also. (Plug Your Nose or Vomit). The odor started upon approaching the entrance to the toilets. I took my sunglasses off and put them in my mouth for safe keeping. I didn't want them falling off my face or head while doing my squat exercises. I took a deep breath and headed in. As I was doing what you do in the toilet area, I felt the urge to breathe, however, I knew I could not breathe through my nose, so I took a breath through my mouth...which made my glasses fall...to the floor...in the worst smelling toilet I had yet encountered...unclean by even Chinese standards. There was no soap. After a quick wave of complete disgust, I pulled out the Wet Wipes I had packed, just in case. The package claims to kill 99% of all germs. Hopefully they tested in China. (Where they were probably manufactured.)
My American showed the most because I used a trash can. Or when I tried to clear my space after eating in a fast food restaurant (KFC is big in China...I assume the 'c' is not for cat). It is strange how much trash is on the ground in China, even in the temples, or restaurant floors. I kept thinking that I just can't unlearn some things...I mean, you can take the girl out of the U.S., but you can't take the U.S. out of the girl.
I have taken many things for granted being an American. Things like toilet paper. (Not to mention democracy) Although to the Chinese citizens we Americans probably look flawed because we wait our turn, need toilet paper, say "Bless you" and use trash cans. I LOVED my trip to China, I really did. I however wouldn't trade being an American...for...well...for all the tea in China.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Diary of a Road Trip
I have to take a momentarily break from my China blogging to tell you about my latest adventure. I came home from China on Monday. Tuesday I had tickets to a play downtown, Wednesday we had new carpet installed in all four bedrooms. Thursday was spent recovering from the new carpet installation. Friday was spent doing housework. Early Saturday morning, still fighting jet lag, I started the (normally) ten hour drive to my parents house. It is the stopping point on the way to my son's college.
I have not been thinking about taking my son back to college. I like him home. He worked 40+ hours each week during the summer. He spent a great deal of time fishing and another enormous chunk of time in his room away from his family, but still, he was home and at least ate dinner with us. I like him home. This week really snuck up on me and perhaps thinking about his return to college is what made my jet lag hang on and made me feel horrible. Perhaps I had separation anxiety stress, not jet lag. I like my son home.
Anyway, we loaded up his new van (a hand me down from my grandma) that has had a BUNCH of work on it. (My grandma only drove about 500 miles in the last year. We drove it 5 hours the day we brought it home.) Now we expected (and hoped and prayed) it would make the journey ahead of us. I also loaded up my car with his sisters and brother and we headed out.
We encountered car trouble four hours into the trip. MY CAR! A piece on the bottom of the car (parallel to the hood, with the engine in between) broke loose and was dragging on the highway. The noise was horrible. I pulled to the shoulder and my son followed me. He was incredible. He climbed under the car and investigated. We decided to try and patch up the problem with zip ties and duct tape (in my son's car) until lunch. We stopped earlier than planned for lunch as the patch job didn't hold. My son stopped at the dollar store and bought some bungee cords and crawled onto the ground in Wendy's parking lot, temporarily fixing the car. It held until we arrived to my parents house. It took just short of 12 hours.
We spent the next day relaxing at my parents house, and my dad inspected my car and fixed it better than the bungee cord patch as he had tools and ramps.
Monday morning we all woke early again to make the what I thought was a four hour journey to my son's college. My GPS kept freaking out, losing the satellite. My son, who is new to using a GPS had to be the leader of our caravan. His route took us a very different way than we have previously driven. It took five hours.
We had a quick lunch and then dropped my son off at his dorm. He did not want us to help him unload his car. So, we headed back to my parents. My daughter looked up driving directions on her phone. Thank goodness for technology.
About an hour into the drive, there was a dead cat on the road. I tried to have my tires straddle the dead cat, but nope, I hit it square on. YIKES! My five year old asked what happened and I carefully explained that I had run over a dead cat. He said "I hope it was an ugly cat." Apparently, ugly cats are OK to run over. My five year old also informed us that Shell gas stations sell clams. (Per the signage).
I had purchased a DVD player for the car ride to keep my little guy entertained. Unfortunately, along with the GPS losing satellites, the plug stopped working, so I was really without a GPS and now without entertainment for the little guy. It was a LONG ride back to my parents.
My dad checked out the plug when we arrived back to his house. I just blew the fuse. So, for the record, my car, two breakdowns (and it's the dependable car) and son's car (the iffy ride) no troubles.
Tuesday morning, we woke early again and started towards home. We planned to stop to eat at Noodles (a rare treat as we don't have one near us) and at an outlet store along the way as my husband is out of town and the dog was at the kennel. We thought it would be about a 12 hour journey.
The GPS was still acting up. My daughter rocked at reading an old fashioned map. Two thumbs up for her public school education! When the GPS did work, I liked to play this game with it...I see what the estimated time of arrival is, and I try to take minutes off it. It's a game of great fun. I was totally rocking at the game. I had taken off a whopping 11 minutes of the original ETA, even after a stop at a rest area, when we hit construction. We hit construction two times before we were at the halfway point of the trip, before we stopped at Noodles. ugh.
We finally made it to Noodles. We ordered and then waited, and waited for our food. When I saw three other orders served, we asked if they had forgotten us. Yep, they had. Not a fun time.
We got back in the car and headed to the outlet store. Unfortunately, there was a fatal accident on the highway. The highway closed. It took 45 minutes to drive 3 miles. By the time we reached the store, we were all a bit snippy and not really in the mood. We hit up the McDonald's drive thru and ate dinner in the car.
I stopped for gas two hours from home...had driven 491.9 miles on one tank! My girls were getting bored in the car and started making life lessons for each other. It was hilarious and informative. My fourteen year old didn't think so. She thought we were pointing out all her shortcomings. Instead, we were just trying to give some helpful life lessons.
The road trip was more than I bargained for, but so are most days. That's what keeps life interesting. I did prove to be a champion KEMPS player (card game daughter taught me) and a winner at the slug bug calling game. My kids were delighted to have 78 truckers honk at the them (note to self, pack ear plugs for the cheering that erupts after the horn blasts). I laughed at the road sign that read "No Trucks on Shoulder." I wonder how many Chinese tourists take photos of that sign. It would translate much differently than the way we read it. But, the bottom line is that my son made it safely to school and we made it safely home. The craziness that happened in between is the stuff that makes good stories. The trip home took 14 hours.
Younger daughter's life lessons for older daughter:
-Try being nicer.
-Smile
-Delete my friends from your facebook
-Be nice to me in high school.
Older daughter's life lessons for younger daughter:
-Boys are dumb
-Don't be in a rush to grow up
-You should wear the makeup, don't let the makeup wear you
-Don't show the good China (A.K.A. if you wouldn't show your grandpa, keep it covered)
-Real men like smart girls
-Talk to your momma
What would I add? Life is a journey, expect the unexpected and enjoy.
I have not been thinking about taking my son back to college. I like him home. He worked 40+ hours each week during the summer. He spent a great deal of time fishing and another enormous chunk of time in his room away from his family, but still, he was home and at least ate dinner with us. I like him home. This week really snuck up on me and perhaps thinking about his return to college is what made my jet lag hang on and made me feel horrible. Perhaps I had separation anxiety stress, not jet lag. I like my son home.
Anyway, we loaded up his new van (a hand me down from my grandma) that has had a BUNCH of work on it. (My grandma only drove about 500 miles in the last year. We drove it 5 hours the day we brought it home.) Now we expected (and hoped and prayed) it would make the journey ahead of us. I also loaded up my car with his sisters and brother and we headed out.
We encountered car trouble four hours into the trip. MY CAR! A piece on the bottom of the car (parallel to the hood, with the engine in between) broke loose and was dragging on the highway. The noise was horrible. I pulled to the shoulder and my son followed me. He was incredible. He climbed under the car and investigated. We decided to try and patch up the problem with zip ties and duct tape (in my son's car) until lunch. We stopped earlier than planned for lunch as the patch job didn't hold. My son stopped at the dollar store and bought some bungee cords and crawled onto the ground in Wendy's parking lot, temporarily fixing the car. It held until we arrived to my parents house. It took just short of 12 hours.
We spent the next day relaxing at my parents house, and my dad inspected my car and fixed it better than the bungee cord patch as he had tools and ramps.
Monday morning we all woke early again to make the what I thought was a four hour journey to my son's college. My GPS kept freaking out, losing the satellite. My son, who is new to using a GPS had to be the leader of our caravan. His route took us a very different way than we have previously driven. It took five hours.
We had a quick lunch and then dropped my son off at his dorm. He did not want us to help him unload his car. So, we headed back to my parents. My daughter looked up driving directions on her phone. Thank goodness for technology.
About an hour into the drive, there was a dead cat on the road. I tried to have my tires straddle the dead cat, but nope, I hit it square on. YIKES! My five year old asked what happened and I carefully explained that I had run over a dead cat. He said "I hope it was an ugly cat." Apparently, ugly cats are OK to run over. My five year old also informed us that Shell gas stations sell clams. (Per the signage).
I had purchased a DVD player for the car ride to keep my little guy entertained. Unfortunately, along with the GPS losing satellites, the plug stopped working, so I was really without a GPS and now without entertainment for the little guy. It was a LONG ride back to my parents.
My dad checked out the plug when we arrived back to his house. I just blew the fuse. So, for the record, my car, two breakdowns (and it's the dependable car) and son's car (the iffy ride) no troubles.
Tuesday morning, we woke early again and started towards home. We planned to stop to eat at Noodles (a rare treat as we don't have one near us) and at an outlet store along the way as my husband is out of town and the dog was at the kennel. We thought it would be about a 12 hour journey.
The GPS was still acting up. My daughter rocked at reading an old fashioned map. Two thumbs up for her public school education! When the GPS did work, I liked to play this game with it...I see what the estimated time of arrival is, and I try to take minutes off it. It's a game of great fun. I was totally rocking at the game. I had taken off a whopping 11 minutes of the original ETA, even after a stop at a rest area, when we hit construction. We hit construction two times before we were at the halfway point of the trip, before we stopped at Noodles. ugh.
We finally made it to Noodles. We ordered and then waited, and waited for our food. When I saw three other orders served, we asked if they had forgotten us. Yep, they had. Not a fun time.
We got back in the car and headed to the outlet store. Unfortunately, there was a fatal accident on the highway. The highway closed. It took 45 minutes to drive 3 miles. By the time we reached the store, we were all a bit snippy and not really in the mood. We hit up the McDonald's drive thru and ate dinner in the car.
I stopped for gas two hours from home...had driven 491.9 miles on one tank! My girls were getting bored in the car and started making life lessons for each other. It was hilarious and informative. My fourteen year old didn't think so. She thought we were pointing out all her shortcomings. Instead, we were just trying to give some helpful life lessons.
The road trip was more than I bargained for, but so are most days. That's what keeps life interesting. I did prove to be a champion KEMPS player (card game daughter taught me) and a winner at the slug bug calling game. My kids were delighted to have 78 truckers honk at the them (note to self, pack ear plugs for the cheering that erupts after the horn blasts). I laughed at the road sign that read "No Trucks on Shoulder." I wonder how many Chinese tourists take photos of that sign. It would translate much differently than the way we read it. But, the bottom line is that my son made it safely to school and we made it safely home. The craziness that happened in between is the stuff that makes good stories. The trip home took 14 hours.
Younger daughter's life lessons for older daughter:
-Try being nicer.
-Smile
-Delete my friends from your facebook
-Be nice to me in high school.
Older daughter's life lessons for younger daughter:
-Boys are dumb
-Don't be in a rush to grow up
-You should wear the makeup, don't let the makeup wear you
-Don't show the good China (A.K.A. if you wouldn't show your grandpa, keep it covered)
-Real men like smart girls
-Talk to your momma
What would I add? Life is a journey, expect the unexpected and enjoy.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Get Your China On
"Get your China on" became my motto during my trip to Beijing. Mainly it referred to being in crowds, which essentially confirms I was in China. "Getting your China on" means to disregard all things you have previously been taught about personal space, courteousness, patience, waiting your turn, littering and following posted signs or rules/instructions.
As I wrote the rough draft for this blog, I was on the airplane from Beijing to Chicago. I was seated next to a young man and woman (who were Chinese). I did not battle over the arm rest. It is clear the arm rest belongs to him. Rather, I am battling for my own shoulder and upper arm. He is overflowing his space, into mine. He is not large, just being Chinese. Before this trip, I would have simply retreated from the space someone else was trying to occupy. Today though, I am pushing back, or simply allowing the contact.
Touching is a fact of getting around in China. We made up some dance moves for riding the subway with moves called "The Nemo"(touching the butt)and "The Moonlanding" (from the t.v. show "Modern Family"). It also includes, elbows out,stand your ground and "you didn't call 'place back'".
Getting on or off the subway involves much pushing. Certainly you do not ever wait your turn. Your turn is when you feel like moving, not when there is a space. There is never a space. At the subway station, there are arrows on the floor for how to get on and off. An arrow in the center pointing out of the subway car and two arrows on each side, pointing diagonally to get into the subway car. This motion happens all at once. To me it is like squeezing a zit, pressure from the sides and the stuff comes out the middle. Sometimes you ride the wave of motion into or out of the subway car. Sometimes you are like a salmon struggling upstream. And always remember this, the subway car is not full until the doors close. (As a contrast, at O'Hare airport, the same arrows are on the floor of the tram that moves you from one terminal to the next. However, there is also a sign saying "Let passengers out of tram before loading." And get this...people actually observe and follow the instruction.)
This I know for sure, the American Indian ads that ran when we were kids about littering, the one with the man who had tears streaming down his face, he probably rolls over in his grave at the sight of all the litter in China. People throw their trash anywhere, into animal exhibits, into streams, ponds, restaurant floors, temple grounds, anywhere. Everywhere.
We went to the Beijing Zoo. A few games we played there was "contact zoo" and "spot the bottlefish" (discarded bottles in the water). I wish I had worn my football shoulder pads to go to the zoo. You have to fight your way through the people to see anything. I proved a quick study at this game and won the round near the panda exhibit scoring some decent photos. Actually, my sister in law held off some people so I could get the photo. Then she said "I have held them off as long as possible." The next thing I know, I am riding the wave of people headed a different direction.
I was home for less than 24 hours, and went downtown to see a play with my daughter. It was VERY hard to restrain myself from pushing through the crowds and be American and polite. I can't imagine the adjustment my brother and sister in law will have. They are spending 18 months in China.
It's interesting, in China, you really don't need to use a thermometer. To gauge the weather, simply observe the men around you. The men lift or roll their shirts, exposing their bellies when it's hot. As best I could tell, it's around 80 degrees when belly buttons are showing. Ribs show for temps of 80-85. Nipples are exposed for temps ranging from 85-90. Over 90, shirts are off and over the shoulder. I found this system of checking the temperature rather accurate, although I couldn't figure out the sliding scale used when humidity was factored in. The question I really have is this , why wasn't Taylor Lautner visiting Beijing when I was?
My flight to Beijing from Chicago was mainly Chinese people. I was surprised to see how few obeyed the seatbelt on sign. From the moment the plane doors closed, several people messed with luggage in the overhead bins, wandered the aisles and visited the restroom. The flight attendants were near hoarse by the time we reached cruising altitude from constantly telling people to sit down.
It became quickly obvious when touring Beijing that posted signs are more of a suggestion rather than a rule to be followed. "No Climbing" meant more "Climb at your own risk". (Even I tested the boundaries of a 'No Climbing' sign...I mean, "when in Rome..." right?) Guard rails at the zoo were disregarded, kids and adults both pounded on the glass of animal exhibits. It was very surprising.
My favorite round of "Get Your China On" was crossing the street. There are no buttons to push for walk signals. There ARE signals, but they are highly ignored. Pedestrians in China do NOT have the right of way. If you do choose to cross the street when the "Walk" signal is illuminated, it means that most traffic has momentarily paused but that you should beware of the cars, bikes, mopeds and other vehicles heading straight for you. The imaginary bubble I usually keep around myself to distance me from vehicles is significantly smaller after visiting China. I have learned to play a mean game of chicken, and managed to keep my pants dry while doing so. My sister in law stopped a car once with an invisible force field shot out from her hand. It was amazing. I actually applauded her. A car came so close to my brother that his watch scratched the guys car.
Basically crossing the street in China was like playing Frogger. As soon as the back bumper passes you, take a step or two forward. Watch carefully. Hop forward, backward, left or right, then step quickly to the sidewalk. Always be ready to stop or adjust your direction. Always avoid going "splat".
In China I found that you either laugh at things, or you'll crack. "Contact Zoo" and subway games of Nemo are not for everyone, and definitely not for those without a sense of humor. Please don't try these games in the U.S.. You will be arrested for assault, or ticketed for endangerment.
As I wrote the rough draft for this blog, I was on the airplane from Beijing to Chicago. I was seated next to a young man and woman (who were Chinese). I did not battle over the arm rest. It is clear the arm rest belongs to him. Rather, I am battling for my own shoulder and upper arm. He is overflowing his space, into mine. He is not large, just being Chinese. Before this trip, I would have simply retreated from the space someone else was trying to occupy. Today though, I am pushing back, or simply allowing the contact.
Touching is a fact of getting around in China. We made up some dance moves for riding the subway with moves called "The Nemo"(touching the butt)and "The Moonlanding" (from the t.v. show "Modern Family"). It also includes, elbows out,stand your ground and "you didn't call 'place back'".
Getting on or off the subway involves much pushing. Certainly you do not ever wait your turn. Your turn is when you feel like moving, not when there is a space. There is never a space. At the subway station, there are arrows on the floor for how to get on and off. An arrow in the center pointing out of the subway car and two arrows on each side, pointing diagonally to get into the subway car. This motion happens all at once. To me it is like squeezing a zit, pressure from the sides and the stuff comes out the middle. Sometimes you ride the wave of motion into or out of the subway car. Sometimes you are like a salmon struggling upstream. And always remember this, the subway car is not full until the doors close. (As a contrast, at O'Hare airport, the same arrows are on the floor of the tram that moves you from one terminal to the next. However, there is also a sign saying "Let passengers out of tram before loading." And get this...people actually observe and follow the instruction.)
This I know for sure, the American Indian ads that ran when we were kids about littering, the one with the man who had tears streaming down his face, he probably rolls over in his grave at the sight of all the litter in China. People throw their trash anywhere, into animal exhibits, into streams, ponds, restaurant floors, temple grounds, anywhere. Everywhere.
We went to the Beijing Zoo. A few games we played there was "contact zoo" and "spot the bottlefish" (discarded bottles in the water). I wish I had worn my football shoulder pads to go to the zoo. You have to fight your way through the people to see anything. I proved a quick study at this game and won the round near the panda exhibit scoring some decent photos. Actually, my sister in law held off some people so I could get the photo. Then she said "I have held them off as long as possible." The next thing I know, I am riding the wave of people headed a different direction.
I was home for less than 24 hours, and went downtown to see a play with my daughter. It was VERY hard to restrain myself from pushing through the crowds and be American and polite. I can't imagine the adjustment my brother and sister in law will have. They are spending 18 months in China.
It's interesting, in China, you really don't need to use a thermometer. To gauge the weather, simply observe the men around you. The men lift or roll their shirts, exposing their bellies when it's hot. As best I could tell, it's around 80 degrees when belly buttons are showing. Ribs show for temps of 80-85. Nipples are exposed for temps ranging from 85-90. Over 90, shirts are off and over the shoulder. I found this system of checking the temperature rather accurate, although I couldn't figure out the sliding scale used when humidity was factored in. The question I really have is this , why wasn't Taylor Lautner visiting Beijing when I was?
My flight to Beijing from Chicago was mainly Chinese people. I was surprised to see how few obeyed the seatbelt on sign. From the moment the plane doors closed, several people messed with luggage in the overhead bins, wandered the aisles and visited the restroom. The flight attendants were near hoarse by the time we reached cruising altitude from constantly telling people to sit down.
It became quickly obvious when touring Beijing that posted signs are more of a suggestion rather than a rule to be followed. "No Climbing" meant more "Climb at your own risk". (Even I tested the boundaries of a 'No Climbing' sign...I mean, "when in Rome..." right?) Guard rails at the zoo were disregarded, kids and adults both pounded on the glass of animal exhibits. It was very surprising.
My favorite round of "Get Your China On" was crossing the street. There are no buttons to push for walk signals. There ARE signals, but they are highly ignored. Pedestrians in China do NOT have the right of way. If you do choose to cross the street when the "Walk" signal is illuminated, it means that most traffic has momentarily paused but that you should beware of the cars, bikes, mopeds and other vehicles heading straight for you. The imaginary bubble I usually keep around myself to distance me from vehicles is significantly smaller after visiting China. I have learned to play a mean game of chicken, and managed to keep my pants dry while doing so. My sister in law stopped a car once with an invisible force field shot out from her hand. It was amazing. I actually applauded her. A car came so close to my brother that his watch scratched the guys car.
Basically crossing the street in China was like playing Frogger. As soon as the back bumper passes you, take a step or two forward. Watch carefully. Hop forward, backward, left or right, then step quickly to the sidewalk. Always be ready to stop or adjust your direction. Always avoid going "splat".
In China I found that you either laugh at things, or you'll crack. "Contact Zoo" and subway games of Nemo are not for everyone, and definitely not for those without a sense of humor. Please don't try these games in the U.S.. You will be arrested for assault, or ticketed for endangerment.
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