An Hour With Doug

My youngest son, Doug, is nearly 6 years old. The time has sped by. He has three teenaged siblings who spend a great deal of time with him, so he has much more exposure to music, words, and other 'teenage' stuff than most six year olds. I have often said that I wished I videoed a day with him because he says such funny things. Things you would not expect a nearly six year old to say. Things that when I relate stories about him, I think are hard to believe actually happened.

Our house is up for sale. We had a showing today and needed to leave the house for an hour. Doug and I headed to Target. (Who can't waste an hour in Target?) This was how our hour went...

We passed a mom with a new baby in the cart. Doug oohed and ahhed. He LOVES babies. He said "We should have another baby. I know Dad said 'No', but we should have another baby. They are so cute and babies like me!" I tell him that we aren't having any more babies, that Dad doesn't want more and that I am getting too old. A few aisles later he says "How about when Dad dies, then you can have another baby because Dad won't be able to control what you do."

He rode on the bottom of the cart. I mean the underneath bottom, like where you put the pop cases. He laid down flat on his tummy and rode around the store. He said it was like a rollercoaster. I would normally never allow this, but I am stressed, and I just wanted to get through the store. People gave us a variety of looks. Some smiled, some scowled. Yeah, I know, my parenting skills are questionable. Now, imagine him riding like that in the cart, talking about when his dad dies we can have another baby. Did I mention yet that he only knows how to speak in a very loud voice?

As we get ready to leave, he wants to be the leader. Then we have to wait to leave without anybody else by us. I couldn't figure this out...UNTIL he puts his hands up, in a fashion similar to Yoda, and says "Open Sesame" and then the (automatic) doors open. He was so proud of himself. All the way to the car he explains how he just opened the doors with his powers. I ask him "How did you do that?" He says "A magician never reveals his secrets." Once we are in the car he asks "Do you really think I opened the doors? You know they open for everyone, right?" So I tell him that yes, I know the doors open for everyone, but that I thought the "Open Sesame" was fun. He says " You'd be pretty dumb if you thought I opened them by magic." To this I chuckle and say "Doug, I wish everyone could spend one day with you to see how funny you are." He answers with "Don't forget how smart and handsome I am too."

The CD in the car starts playing "Fat Bottom Girls". We both start singing along. Doug says "When they say 'Fat Bottom Girls' I point to you because you're a girl and you have a fat bottom. Do you think that's rude to say? 'Cause you really are a girl and your bottom is kinda fat."

He then switched topics to Halloween costumes. Thankfully we live close to Target, the conversation had definitely turned 'boyish'. He thinks he should be a rabbit for Halloween and leave a pile of raisins on people's porches. "Because rabbit poop looks like round raisins."

As he was reaching for the door handle to get out of the car he says "Hmm, I'm either becoming a real man, or there's dirt on my hand." WHAT? Apparently there was something on his hand that was either dirt, or "man hair" on his knuckles. It was probably grease from the wheels of the cart.

That was my hour with Doug. His conversations jump around. He makes many observations. He makes my heart happy and my head spin. In case you want to know, he isn't going to be a rabbit for Halloween. He is going to be a skunk. He wants me to look for 'fart perfume' to go with his costume.