My Son the College Student

Despite all my internal protesting, my son went ahead and grew up. I took him to college, twelve hours away, four weeks ago. He is enrolled at a military college and is in the Corp of Cadets (ROTC program). He had one week similar to Army basic training. No clocks, no watches, no tv, computers, phones. He had 60 seconds each evening to shower, shave and brush his teeth. My son informed me he didn't use a towel or toothbrush for the whole time. He has fast growing facial hair and was told he would have to shave twice a day, so once a day he dry shaved in the darkness of morning. I saw him at the end of the week, his face was quite sore looking. Poor guy.

He has to do 20 push-ups each time he enters his dorm. He counts them aloud. Then has to add "1 for the troops. 1 for the corp. 1 for..." which adds another five push-ups. Anyway, I saw him do this when we were moving him into his dorm. I was digging for my camera, but he was too fast. I asked him to do one more so I could get a photo. He did, he even counted off "And one for my Mom." I secretly hope each time he does his push-ups he thinks that in his head.

He survived the week, we said our official "goodbyes" as we won't see him again until Christmas. My daughters and I all had a good cry, and we drove the twelve hours home. The next day, my son called home. He was doing laundry and had some time. I smiled for hours! I have been talking to him on the phone once a week. He called once to say he now had to carry a razor with him 24/7 because his facial hair grows so fast. He has to get a hair cut every week too, all the guys do. We instant message or text nearly everyday. I really miss the daily face to face interaction with him, but I am enjoying this new relationship we are forging via technology.

I am feeling very strong senses of pride as he tells me about doing so well on his physical fitness test, that he was asked to join the Army Ranger Challenge Team (he is sending me a sticker for my car! After I send him a self addressed stamped envelope.). Today he told me about getting a girls phone number last night at dinner because some other cadets were talking about condoms at dinner and my son reminded them they were in mixed company. The girl was so impressed that she gave my son her number. He said (to me) "Too bad she's not even a butterface." Made me laugh. He is a good person. (Even when he makes not nice comments about girls.)

He also told me about trying to make the sergeants laugh at taps (nightly bed check at midnight)Saturday night. He wore his headlamp and met the sergeants at the door. Have you seen the movie "Waiting"? Well, if you have, then you can guess what he was standing there doing. If you haven't seen it? Well, I'll say this, he was doing some origami. He did some push-ups for his choice of comedy. He said it was worth it though. He overheard the sergeants taking and laughing about it the next day.

He has mandatory study hall in his room from 8pm until midnight Sunday through Thursday, no tv, phones in the hall. He has bed check nightly at midnight. He has PT (physical training) mornings at 6:30, which is after his 5:45 am PT with the Ranger team. Then he is released at 8:00 am to shower and have breakfast and go to classes. He is studying Criminal Justice.

He has to wear a uniform 7 days a week until the first semester is over. Then he has to wear a uniform 5 days a week until retreat (5:00 pm, when they take down the American flag). Today is "civies" day. If you pay $3.00, you can wear civilian clothes. He is wearing jeans and an Elmo t-shirt. He said it was the best money he has ever spent. It is the first time he has been out of a uniform in a month. He said he thought he would walk the entire campus today because it would be easier. That confused me, so he explained that when he is in his uniform he has to salute officers and greet sergeants. In uniform, he also has to stop walking when using his cell phone for talking or texting. I thought that was interesting. So, he said he will gladly pay to wear his civies. It only happens once a month though. His favorite part of civies day? He can get hugs. He has dinner each night with the same girl. When she saw him in civies, she ran up and gave him a huge hug. She said "Aren't you glad you paid $3.00?" I guess she has asked everyday for four weeks if she could hug him. He keeps saying, "I could get into trouble." I think he could get into trouble either way...

I have thoroughly enjoyed parenting my kids. I get thrilled at their accomplishments. The first steps, first lost tooth. We celebrate report cards (sometimes)and sports games played well. I thought that high school graduation would bring an end to these thrilling parenting moments. I was so wrong! I am loving seeing the teenage boy I dropped off at college grow into a man. Physically he will be a different person when I see him at Christmas. Mentally, he already is. He makes me proud at every turn. He is making good choices. He is testing his limits, doing his laundry, taking care of himself. I am beaming with pride.

I still miss him greatly. We had a full, clean dishwasher for a few days because it was his turn to unload it. We have had to readjust the chore list for trash duty. I don't have anyone to argue with, or push my buttons. We have to drive his sisters everywhere now. I miss him. But, I am so proud of how he is creating HIS life. I am excited to see where it will lead him. I never thought I would enjoy this stage of parenting. I am so relieved to see I still can. The things he is doing leave me in awe. When that's your kid, that's a pretty cool experience.

Teardrops on the Underwear

The laundry made me cry today. Not the sheer volume of it, which in general is overwhelming as I only do laundry once a week and there are six of us. I cried while I folded underwear. When I realized I was crying, I cried harder. How lame does one have to be to have underwear make you cry?

It started as I folded child #1's undies. I only have two more laundry days that will involve his undies. He is heading to college. Some people may jump for joy seeing some of their work load lessened. But, in this case, that is not me. Child #3 is growing so fast that all of her undies are too small. I know that, but I haven't bought her new ones yet. It's as if by refusing to buy new undies her growth will somehow stall. So far, it's not working and she regularly complains and shows me the indents her too small undies leave. In my mind, if I buy her new undies, she'll grow up faster and I will be crying again at the thought of doing her laundry for the last time.

Child #2 has cute undies(she is 16). They are the kind that 20 years ago I would have loved and probably worn. Then I fold my undies. I look at them and realize they are the type that were the punchline of jokes I told 20 years ago. I dab the tears. Child #4 is wearing undies, not diapers, and only one pair a day. Some days I celebrate these accomplishments, today, folding only seven pairs of his tiny undies, I miss the diapers. I miss the little kids.

My husband has the nicest undies in our house. I think that subconsciously I make sure his undies are in good condition. I mean, he is the one who makes the money in our house. He takes care of all of us. Nice undies is my way, I guess, of taking care of him. This makes me tear up again.


The laundry made me cry today. I cried because time passed so quickly. I cried because my kids have grown so fast. I cried because my body doesn't look right in cute undies anymore. I cried because I will miss child #1 and his undies so much when he is at college, even though there is no place else I'd rather him be right now. I cried because sooner than I want to think about, my house will always be clean and tidy and I will miss the mess, the noise and all the undies.

So Much to Say...

I have been keeping notes about things I want to write about. This is a bad idea. I stay awake at night and think up complete stories to write, but by morning they are mostly broken sentences, making no sense at all. I have a stack of napkins and scrap paper with my rambling thoughts written on them.

I think kids age like dogs. One adult (human) year equals 7 kid (dog) years. That would explain why my son is heading to college and I am only 27 1/2.

In the last week, I have received two emails from friends requesting that I vote for their friend so that the friend can win their own talk show. Interesting. I hadn't heard about that contest. I have never really thought about having my own talk show on TV. I have thought about being on a radio morning show. There was a really good one in Denver that I listened to all the time and loved. I could do that. But, on TV? Who would watch? But, the more I thought about it, the more I wished I had heard about this contest. I would have tried for it. I still don't know who would watch, but I have so many ideas.

My husband and I just took our oldest to freshman orientation (college). By the way...this is a completely new topic...has nothing to do with previous paragraphs...A few things struck me. #1) My kids will never survive a road trip with just their Dad. The reason? He NEVER wants to stop. Not for food. Not for bathroom breaks. Not for outlet malls. NEVER. He will stop for gas. If you need to stretch, use the bathroom or grab a snack, you have the amount of time it takes to pump 17 gallons of gas. That's it. If you're lucky. I think he times his stops for when we are napping so that he doesn't risk you taking longer in the bathroom. Or getting a drink. If you get a drink, you'll need to use a bathroom. You'll need to wait approximately 283 miles until the next gas stop.

The other thing that struck me (#2) on this trip was this; kids suck up a lot of your time each day. I don't know why this surprised me so much, but it did. I don't feel like I spend my whole day doing things for them, but I must spend more time than I thought. My husband and I had 2 nights and 3 days of no children. It was the first time we had that much childless time in 16 years. One morning we woke up, showered, had breakfast, then went for a hike to the top of a waterfall. It was a half mile, then 604 steps up, then one mile down. Then we walked around the gift shop and the ranger station. It was 11:30am when we got back to the car! I couldn't believe it. Then we went out to lunch and walked an entire, large, outlet mall. We got back to our hotel at 3pm. This was shocking to me. That seems like lots of stops in a day when you have 4 kids following you. I had so much free time that I read 17 magazines over the course of the 3 days and 2 nights. Some were dated 2007. That's the contrast...with kids,it takes me 3 years to read a single magazine. No kids, 17 magazines in 48 hours. I also took 2 showers a day. Two uninterrupted, hot, long showers a day. It was so nice. It helped pass the time. My life is pretty unexciting isn't it? Magazines and showers. Oh, Diet Coke too.

So, onto my last ramble for the evening...my parents were in town for my son's graduation. We were having a discussion about families we know. We talked about Aunts, Uncles, cousins and family friends that we have known for years and years (and years). We talked about the things our families have in common, and the way we differ. (NOTE: I mean no disrespect to anyone whom we were talking about. I truly believe that the world is more interesting BECAUSE people differ from each other. But, I DO like to talk about the hows and whys people are different.)

So anyway, I say to my Dad how thankful I am to have a normal family. That we have had normal experiences and do normal things. Now, I know that all (or most) people think their families are normal. I mean, if you live it, you are used to it and you think that is normal. Until someone tells you it's not...it's all a matter of opinion. Which made me think about my family. My parents have been married for 46 years. To me this is normal. They had three kids. To me this is normal. My brothers and I are all married, (and on our first marriages still). To me this is normal (however, I see we might be considered dull).

I realize that my parents, brothers and I can't ALL be normal...so I start to think more carefully. I have been married for 20 years and have four kids. I am a stay at home Mom. My oldest brother has no kids, and the younger one has one child. Both their wives work (out of the home).Thus, I have deemed myself NOT NORMAL. I am an overbreeder. My oldest brother just graduated with his Master's degree. My younger brother and I don't even have a bachelor's degree. Thus, I have deemed him, NOT NORMAL. He is an overachiever. This leaves my youngest brother. Apparently he is normal. I mean, we can't ALL be abnormal, can we? Nah. The funny thing is...if you know my youngest brother....well, you would see the humor...

I'm pretty sure that out of all the families we discussed, my family was the most normal. Uh-huh, yep, that's right. We are the most normal. The Overbreeder, the Overachiver and the Normal One. If any of you need a closer look at "normal", I'm thinking of booking my "normal" family on one of the first episodes of my TV talk show. But, don't hold your breath waiting for that to happen...that definitely isn't normal.

I Owe My Mom An Apology

I don't think I'm a bad person. I don't even think I was a bad teenager. I was not a great student, but I didn't fail classes (well, except German III, and that college computer class). I was social, but didn't go to parties where there was drinking (during high school). I did what my parents asked, followed the rules (except when I would come home a few minutes after curfew), kept my room clean. I was a good teenager.

OK, I was a good teenager physically. Emotionally, I was a moody teenager. Do I even need to say "moody teenager"? Is the "moody" a given when saying "teenager"? Anyway, I know I was moody. My Mom was probably the biggest target for my moods. Have a bad day at school? Yell at your Mom. Boyfriend trouble? Probably your Mom's fault. Yell at her. Want to hear your own voice, at a loud volume with obnoxious undertones? Try it out on your Mom. Bad hair day? Yell at your Mom...that makes it better.

My #2 child is a 16 yr old girl. She is a good teenager. She follows the rules. Has excellent grades. Social, but not a party-er. Has a job, plus babysits regularly. She is a good kid. She has a beautiful head of thick, wavy hair. She did not get this from me. I have thin, very straight hair. (and every day it gets thinner, so I am quite envious of her hair. But, I digress...).

I had my hair cut a few days ago. #2 went with me (no surprise, she goes everywhere with me, but that is another story...)and I mentioned to the girl who cuts my hair how yucky #2's hair was looking. You see, #2 looks as if she doesn't comb her hair. Ever. It really bothers me. I know if I say something to her that I will sound horrible. I know that if I (her Mom) criticize her hair, that it will in some way scar her. However, IT LOOKS TERRIBLE! Anyway, the girl who cuts my hair pulls out a book and shows #2 a photo. #2 likes the cut, so we make an appointment. That was yesterday at 4:30 pm. I mention the time so you can better appreciate what the last 15 hours have been like.

I think her haircut looks VERY nice. I like it A LOT. #2...not so much. In fact, this is the 3rd haircut she has gotten that she really doesn't like. OK, THAT she DOES get from me. I have a history of crying after my haircuts. I have haircut remorse frequently. I have set a bad example. Now I have bad example remorse. #2 left hair place before I had even paid. This was my clue that she didn't like it. Tears were in full swing by the time I got to car. We got home, she rushed to bathroom to wet hair down. She cried through dinner. She fussed with it and yelled about it and cried about about until she went to bed. I'm surprised she slept without yelling in her sleep.

This morning she came downstairs and she had straightened her hair. The hair that is wavy. The hair that was cut yesterday to be worn wavy. She also had part of it clipped back. It didn't look bad, but it didn't look as nice as her hair did upon leaving hair salon (I know, that's a given). Her comment was "I know you don't like it like this." Great, she wakes up and already feels she has disappointed me. So I say "It's fine." Because it was. Well, except for the long bangs in front of her face. I tried to bite my tongue. I really did. My #2 is a beautiful girl. I want her to feel beautiful. I want others to see her outside beauty. So I ask about the bangs. I should have bit my tongue harder.

Tears, loud voices (It's 6:10 am. I am not a morning person. #4 is still sleeping). She goes in bathroom and comes out saying "Is this better?" It wasn't. Tears, more yelling. I tell her it looks fine if she would tuck back the long piece from her face. She tells me all the things wrong with the haircut, how people are going to make fun of her. How her friends will say it looks nice, then turn away and make faces, talk about it,laugh. I wouldn't be 16 again if you paid me. (I would however pay to have my 16 yr old body back.)

What did I learn today? First, I am not taking #2 for anymore haircuts. This can be her responsibility from now on. Second, I am like my Mother. I understand my Mother. I wasn't criticizing. OK, I was criticizing, but it wasn't to be mean. It was to help #2 be the best she can be. I don't want her to walk around looking yucky. Third, I learned that I owe my Mother an apology. Well, probably LOTS of them, for all the times I yelled at her when I just needed to vent. For being angry at her for criticizing when she was just trying to help me be the best I can be. Mostly I WANT to apologize. I figure it is like a selfish "pay it forward" type thing. I figure if I apologize now to my Mom for being a moody teenager, that in 26 years, I'll get an apology from #2.

I agree with Brad Paisley

Have you ever heard Brad Paisley sing "So Much Cooler Online"? I can relate to the song. I "talk" to several "friends" online. They are people I have met at one time or another in my life. Or people I haven't met but know much about through a mutual friend. Most of the people I chat with I haven't seen in 25 years! I have changed lots in 25 years. My weight is different. I am not as self conscious as I used to be (Well, except for the weight. And my personality. Maybe strike the previous statement). I am stronger emotionally. But, I am also not as caring, affectionate and sweet as I once was. But...online, I can be who I want, or who I think I am, as opposed to who I am in my day to day life. It's not like I'm taking on a persona...just going back in time to when I was a simpler person. When I didn't have bills to pay, dishes or laundry to do, kids to manage. Time in many ways has made me a better person. But time has also taken away some of the qualities I like most about myself, which brings me back to the song...online I can be the "old" me (funny 'cause it's really the young me!).

Online, people can't see my now 42 year old body. Perhaps they still picture me with my 18 year old body which unfortunately I didn't realize I had. I didn't appreciate it or use it to my advantage. Online, people see me as fun, caring, happy. AT least that's what I'm hoping. Again, I'm not pretending to be someone else...I AM all those things. But in day to day life, those things get buried under the dishes, laundry, kids, my weight. Online...all that other stuff isn't there.

Last night I was talking to a friend online. Someone I'm not sure I ever had a real conversation with before computers. He is in the process of writing a book about "regular" people and their stories. So we had this talk about how you want your story read and if you are living that life now. I think my life is just happening...I'm not living it, creating it. It was an interesting concept. I think I disappoint people in person that I haven't seen for awhile because so much of my "bubbly" is drained.

I need to merge my old (young)self, my cool, online self, and the current me. I need to create my life story the way I want it to read. That's so much to think about, to consider. What characters do you need to add depth to? Delete? Add? What adventures should you find? How will you handle tragedy?

I plan on trying to live my life as I want my story read. More laughter, less drama. (I must have forgotten I have three teenagers and a preschooler). More playtime, less housework. (Oh, I LIKE that one!) More learning, less worrying. (uh, huh...I said it, less worrying) I plan to revive my bubbly. I don't know HOW I'm going to do all this, but I'm going to try. You don't get a do over to your life story. I'm not liking these middle chapters. Time to shake things up, give the plot a twist.

How do you want your life story to read? What steps are you taking to make it read that way? Are you like me? So much cooler online? I want to be cooler in my day to day life. That sounds like a story I'd like to read.

Rants in Waves

I have so many things on my mind lately. I had a mammogram yesterday. My 13 yr. old is burning through her cell phone minutes. I drink WAY too much diet coke. My daughter has had a headache and ear ache for nearly 5 weeks. My son graduates from high school in 6 weeks. I want to complete a photo album and a quilt for him before graduation. My son needs to be at college (some 10+ hours away) August 9th. We need to pay for college! My 25th high school class reunion is July 31st. I want to lose weight. I want to exercise. Oh the list goes on. And on. And on. I am tired. I think I am tired from all these thoughts. Maybe being tired is an effective means of procrastinating the above tasks.

Mammograms...I had a "baseline" one when I was 35. I didn't think it was as bad as people made it sound. I had another mammogram at 38. I had found a huge lump. I had an ultrasound then too. It was just a normal thickening due to hormonal changes...it was getting close to my period. Well, so we all thought. Actually, I was pregnant. (SURPRISE!) I have had annual mammograms the last 3 years. Yesterday was the first time I felt discomfort.

Maybe the discomfort was because it was the first time they didn't ask if I had implants. Talk about being humiliated! Thanks so much kids for the wear and tear on my previously perky boobs. So, the mammogram started out on a bummer. Then, the woman wanted my pectoral muscles in the "shot". So, she pulled, and tugged, and yanked. I think she got some back muscle too. Then she lowered the plexiglass and told me to say "when". She was going faster than I could holler. I think the machine begged for mercy at some point and the technician stopped squooshing. Then, you won't believe this...she said "Hold your breathe." If I had been physically able to laugh, I would have! I was not physically able to breathe. I think my lung was in that squoosher machine. So, I complete all 4 views and go back to get dressed. (and put on lotion and deodorant.) My whole chestal region is red and slightly welty. Then the technician says "If you feel discomfort, don't call your doctor. Just take what you would for a headache." So, I took some Tylenol for rest of the day. I was feeling discomfort. Having said that, I wouldn't change anything. Having a mammogram is important. The discomfort is temporary. It could save my life.

Then there's my 13 year old daughter. She is #3 in our family. She got a cell phone for Christmas. This was a really big deal...the other kids had to wait until high school. But #3 is involved in many school activities and we found ourselves waiting around a lot. She got a cell phone for MY convenience...not her enjoyment. I guess I failed to express that to her.

Our kids have Trac-phones. We buy minutes for them that last 90 days at a time. We buy a fair amount of minutes. I know it's a fair amount because in 4 years, child #1 has never run out of minutes. He has come close, but he watches and when necessary monitors them. We are strict about the cell phones. They can't use them at home. If they run out of minutes before the 90 days, they go without, or buy them themselves. But, like I said...in 4 years, this has ever happened. In 4 years, no one has lost a phone (knock on wood!). No one has run out of minutes. But WAIT! Child #3! She burned through her first 90 days of minutes in about 6 weeks. OK, I thought maybe I had done an accounting error. Maybe she misunderstood. So, I put on more minutes. Then I found out she was texting her boyfriend (Oh Lord, that is another story) after bed time which breaks several rules! So, I take the phone away. But, when she has a track meet at another school, I give her the phone. In two weeks...I said in TWO WEEKS, that girl burned through as many minutes as child #1 and child #2 use in 90 days!! Child #3 lost phone privileges until 9th grade. At the earliest. Guess we go back to waiting for her. Or she can wait for us...

All this makes me want a diet coke real bad. Time for a diet coke break. Ahhhhhh. But, that, I think, is a story for another time.

Ordinary Days

In one of the hundreds of magazines I have piled to read when I have time (ha ha)I found a blurb about a book called "The Gift of an Ordinary Day". Coincidentally, the same week someone sent me a link to a video by the books author reading an excerpt from her book. The premise she has is what I always think about. (By the way, I didn't finish the book. It wasn't what I was hoping for...)

I started thinking about "ordinary days" as I am putting together a photo album for my oldest son. He is graduating from high school in 2 months! Several years ago, my photo album lady had a class about "Windows in Time" and how to create an album that would go from birth through graduation. I have prepared an album for all my kids, but my son's is the first I have started to put photos in. Anyway, it was recommended to get an accordion folder and divide the photos by album page title, so I did. The titles include things like; activities, friends, dances, religion, school, winter holidays, spring, birthdays etc.. So, as I am putting photos in, it strikes me how many photos I have in front of birthday cakes and Christmas trees. Dyeing Easter eggs, and characters at Disneyworld. What don't I have photos of? The very things I will miss the most about being a parent. The things that make a day "ordinary".

I have often thought about having a video camera somewhere to record an ordinary day. The most precious things to me are the morning snuggles, the teeth brushing, the tickle wars. The bedtime stories, the little, innocent faces when they are finally asleep. Eating dinner together at the table, swinging on the swings, playing Candyland. These are the things I will miss the most when my kids are grown. They are the things I have no photos of. It is interesting that what is the most dear to our day, we choose not to photograph. Or, perhaps we are having so much fun enjoying these things that it is foolish to stop doing them simply to pose for a picture.

So, I see the authors title painfully true. The true gifts can't be unwrapped on birthdays or Christmas or even "just because". The true gifts of parenting are the wonders and joys and even the tears of an ordinary day.