I don't think I'm a bad person. I don't even think I was a bad teenager. I was not a great student, but I didn't fail classes (well, except German III, and that college computer class). I was social, but didn't go to parties where there was drinking (during high school). I did what my parents asked, followed the rules (except when I would come home a few minutes after curfew), kept my room clean. I was a good teenager.
OK, I was a good teenager physically. Emotionally, I was a moody teenager. Do I even need to say "moody teenager"? Is the "moody" a given when saying "teenager"? Anyway, I know I was moody. My Mom was probably the biggest target for my moods. Have a bad day at school? Yell at your Mom. Boyfriend trouble? Probably your Mom's fault. Yell at her. Want to hear your own voice, at a loud volume with obnoxious undertones? Try it out on your Mom. Bad hair day? Yell at your Mom...that makes it better.
My #2 child is a 16 yr old girl. She is a good teenager. She follows the rules. Has excellent grades. Social, but not a party-er. Has a job, plus babysits regularly. She is a good kid. She has a beautiful head of thick, wavy hair. She did not get this from me. I have thin, very straight hair. (and every day it gets thinner, so I am quite envious of her hair. But, I digress...).
I had my hair cut a few days ago. #2 went with me (no surprise, she goes everywhere with me, but that is another story...)and I mentioned to the girl who cuts my hair how yucky #2's hair was looking. You see, #2 looks as if she doesn't comb her hair. Ever. It really bothers me. I know if I say something to her that I will sound horrible. I know that if I (her Mom) criticize her hair, that it will in some way scar her. However, IT LOOKS TERRIBLE! Anyway, the girl who cuts my hair pulls out a book and shows #2 a photo. #2 likes the cut, so we make an appointment. That was yesterday at 4:30 pm. I mention the time so you can better appreciate what the last 15 hours have been like.
I think her haircut looks VERY nice. I like it A LOT. #2...not so much. In fact, this is the 3rd haircut she has gotten that she really doesn't like. OK, THAT she DOES get from me. I have a history of crying after my haircuts. I have haircut remorse frequently. I have set a bad example. Now I have bad example remorse. #2 left hair place before I had even paid. This was my clue that she didn't like it. Tears were in full swing by the time I got to car. We got home, she rushed to bathroom to wet hair down. She cried through dinner. She fussed with it and yelled about it and cried about about until she went to bed. I'm surprised she slept without yelling in her sleep.
This morning she came downstairs and she had straightened her hair. The hair that is wavy. The hair that was cut yesterday to be worn wavy. She also had part of it clipped back. It didn't look bad, but it didn't look as nice as her hair did upon leaving hair salon (I know, that's a given). Her comment was "I know you don't like it like this." Great, she wakes up and already feels she has disappointed me. So I say "It's fine." Because it was. Well, except for the long bangs in front of her face. I tried to bite my tongue. I really did. My #2 is a beautiful girl. I want her to feel beautiful. I want others to see her outside beauty. So I ask about the bangs. I should have bit my tongue harder.
Tears, loud voices (It's 6:10 am. I am not a morning person. #4 is still sleeping). She goes in bathroom and comes out saying "Is this better?" It wasn't. Tears, more yelling. I tell her it looks fine if she would tuck back the long piece from her face. She tells me all the things wrong with the haircut, how people are going to make fun of her. How her friends will say it looks nice, then turn away and make faces, talk about it,laugh. I wouldn't be 16 again if you paid me. (I would however pay to have my 16 yr old body back.)
What did I learn today? First, I am not taking #2 for anymore haircuts. This can be her responsibility from now on. Second, I am like my Mother. I understand my Mother. I wasn't criticizing. OK, I was criticizing, but it wasn't to be mean. It was to help #2 be the best she can be. I don't want her to walk around looking yucky. Third, I learned that I owe my Mother an apology. Well, probably LOTS of them, for all the times I yelled at her when I just needed to vent. For being angry at her for criticizing when she was just trying to help me be the best I can be. Mostly I WANT to apologize. I figure it is like a selfish "pay it forward" type thing. I figure if I apologize now to my Mom for being a moody teenager, that in 26 years, I'll get an apology from #2.
No comments:
Post a Comment