Have you ever heard Brad Paisley sing "So Much Cooler Online"? I can relate to the song. I "talk" to several "friends" online. They are people I have met at one time or another in my life. Or people I haven't met but know much about through a mutual friend. Most of the people I chat with I haven't seen in 25 years! I have changed lots in 25 years. My weight is different. I am not as self conscious as I used to be (Well, except for the weight. And my personality. Maybe strike the previous statement). I am stronger emotionally. But, I am also not as caring, affectionate and sweet as I once was. But...online, I can be who I want, or who I think I am, as opposed to who I am in my day to day life. It's not like I'm taking on a persona...just going back in time to when I was a simpler person. When I didn't have bills to pay, dishes or laundry to do, kids to manage. Time in many ways has made me a better person. But time has also taken away some of the qualities I like most about myself, which brings me back to the song...online I can be the "old" me (funny 'cause it's really the young me!).
Online, people can't see my now 42 year old body. Perhaps they still picture me with my 18 year old body which unfortunately I didn't realize I had. I didn't appreciate it or use it to my advantage. Online, people see me as fun, caring, happy. AT least that's what I'm hoping. Again, I'm not pretending to be someone else...I AM all those things. But in day to day life, those things get buried under the dishes, laundry, kids, my weight. Online...all that other stuff isn't there.
Last night I was talking to a friend online. Someone I'm not sure I ever had a real conversation with before computers. He is in the process of writing a book about "regular" people and their stories. So we had this talk about how you want your story read and if you are living that life now. I think my life is just happening...I'm not living it, creating it. It was an interesting concept. I think I disappoint people in person that I haven't seen for awhile because so much of my "bubbly" is drained.
I need to merge my old (young)self, my cool, online self, and the current me. I need to create my life story the way I want it to read. That's so much to think about, to consider. What characters do you need to add depth to? Delete? Add? What adventures should you find? How will you handle tragedy?
I plan on trying to live my life as I want my story read. More laughter, less drama. (I must have forgotten I have three teenagers and a preschooler). More playtime, less housework. (Oh, I LIKE that one!) More learning, less worrying. (uh, huh...I said it, less worrying) I plan to revive my bubbly. I don't know HOW I'm going to do all this, but I'm going to try. You don't get a do over to your life story. I'm not liking these middle chapters. Time to shake things up, give the plot a twist.
How do you want your life story to read? What steps are you taking to make it read that way? Are you like me? So much cooler online? I want to be cooler in my day to day life. That sounds like a story I'd like to read.
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