A radio station in Denver used to play a song sung by Robin (Kermit the Frog's nephew) when a listener's child turned five. I love the Muppets. The song is cute, it's happy. It's a little kid (frog) singing about all the things he can do now that he is five. My youngest is five today. I want to like the song today. I really want to. Five makes me sad.
My youngest was a surprise addition to our family. He is nine years younger than his youngest sibling. I can't imagine life without him. Nobody in our family can. My baby is five today. It still surprises me, even after seeing three other children grow, how fast time goes by. Five years went by in what feels like five "sleeps".
Turning five makes me sad. At five they want to be big kids. They head off to school. They have their own adventures. Choose their own friends. It is the end of the sweet, snuggly, innocent cuddles. It marks the beginning of the school age sass, after school talks and running around. It is enjoyable to see your child develop into their own person, but so sad to see the baby disappear.
Although I went through what I thought was my last baby nine years ago, this time I know FOR SURE this is it...my last baby. There are good things...maybe I can sleep through the night. He can dress himself, start wiping himself, clean up his toys. Ha! It's a birthday, not a miracle! OK, but he CAN dress himself. I will miss the sweetness that starts to disappear at age five.
In our house, you get to chew gum at age five. You develop freckles at age five. My son is VERY excited about these events. He starts preschool in five days. He is excited about this too. I love to see my kids excited, but my heart hurts to see them grow so fast. I sent one to college in the fall, now the last one is starting preschool. That sounds so funny...one in college, one in preschool. It IS funny! It is the story of my life! It just feels like the journey from preschool to college happens so quickly. When you have both ends of that spectrum at the same time in your home, you really notice how fast the time goes. Then I realize I will be SIXTY when my little guy graduates from college...and that is a LONG time from now. Best not to rush these thoughts.
I suppose I will enjoy my baby's fifth birthday. I will relish in the memories of his toddler days and not look so far ahead. I enjoy being a parent at nearly every stage (there are a few sketchy years from 10-14) and I have found that even after age eighteen, the kids still not only need their mom, they like their mom a bit better too. I guess that's something to hold onto. But, oh how I miss those baby days...
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Twenty One Years
Do you remember your 21st birthday? My at the time boyfriend (now husband) had a party for me. He hired a stripper, then invited his Mom over to watch and take pictures. Very awkward! I drank too much wine, plus a bottle of champagne and was so sick. Really sick. Even now sometimes the smell of wine makes me feel sick. It was a fun party. I looked great, I remember exactly what I was wearing. I think I could still get into the shoes...
Today is my 21st wedding anniversary. There will be no party. No overdrinking. I won't look back on this day and remember what I was wearing. But, it is the 21st anniversary, on the 21st...that's kind of cool. Plus, it's the 21st anniversary. The percentage of people who get that far into a marriage is not huge, so I've got that.
People talk about marrying their best friend. They make their marriage sound like rainbows and butterflies. That is great for them, but it isn't my reality. Marrying my best friend is illegal in most states (she's female), and my marriage is more scattered showers and ants. I didn't marry my best friend, I married the guy who asked me. That probably sounds harsh, it isn't meant to. We were in love, we had dated for a couple years, we wanted a family, it was all good. We were two young people chasing the American dream...house with a picket fence, 2.5 children, a dog, you know, that dream.
Twenty one years later we have a house with no fence, 4 kids (we are SO above average), 2 cars, 2 dogs (we tend to overdue the easy parts of the American dream), 2 cats, 2 African water frogs and a rabbit. Our 21st Anniversary. We are old. It seems odd to feel so young, but say you've been married for 21 years.
In 21 years, I have found weight, and lost hair, OK, that goes for both my husband and I. We've owned three homes, ten cars, five dogs, eight cats, three toasters and four vacuums. We are hard on toasters and vacuums and picky about dogs and cats. Some just don't make the cut, others leave us before we are ready.
We have moved across the country, away from family for my husband's job. We have lost two grandparents. We have made new friends and lost contact with old friends. Most importantly, we have raised four amazing-in-their-own-way kids.
We have grown up. We have changed. In some ways we have changed for the better, some changes, not so good. We have seen each others "better" and "worse". We have each considered hanging up the marriage hat at one time or another. But then, we procrastinate, ride out the storm, well, basically, we are cheap and divorce is expensive. But really, we have learned that there are peaks and valleys in marriage and if you hang out for a bit, you'll find yourself atop another peak.
I used to be a very affectionate person. I would send cards "just because" to my husband's work. Then the kids, the bills, the laundry, it has all gotten in the way...so, the nagging question is "Do you love me?"
Let me explain. My husband and I are very different people. We like different music, T.V. shows, movies and food. We have different sleep cycles, he goes to bed early, wakes up early. I am a night owl and love to sleep in. He likes to be ten minutes early for everything. I am more a "fashionably late" type person.Our daily priorities are different, he likes the sink free of dishes. I like to get through the day. I mean, I like all the dirty clothes in the hamper instead of the floor. Toys on the floor don't bother me, noise doesn't bother me. Those things make my husband climb the walls. We are very different. Really, besides living space, bank accounts and kids, we have little in common. So, "do you love me?" is a very valid question.
We have spent 21 years growing up, sometimes apart, sometimes together. We have spent 21 years taking care of the house, the cars, the appliances, the pets and of course, the kids. We often forget to take care of "us". The love isn't expressed as frequently as it should be. I don't say it. Then, I think of Golde from "Fiddler on the Roof". Her husband asked the very same question, "Do you love me?" her response is the same as mine (with some minor fixes);
"For twenty-one years I've washed your clothes
Cooked your meals, cleaned your house
Given you children...
For twenty-one years I've lived with him
Fought him, starved with him
Twenty-one years my bed is his
If that's not love, what is?"
In short, the answer is, in my own quirky way, yes dear, I suppose I do love you. Thanks for 21 years.
Today is my 21st wedding anniversary. There will be no party. No overdrinking. I won't look back on this day and remember what I was wearing. But, it is the 21st anniversary, on the 21st...that's kind of cool. Plus, it's the 21st anniversary. The percentage of people who get that far into a marriage is not huge, so I've got that.
People talk about marrying their best friend. They make their marriage sound like rainbows and butterflies. That is great for them, but it isn't my reality. Marrying my best friend is illegal in most states (she's female), and my marriage is more scattered showers and ants. I didn't marry my best friend, I married the guy who asked me. That probably sounds harsh, it isn't meant to. We were in love, we had dated for a couple years, we wanted a family, it was all good. We were two young people chasing the American dream...house with a picket fence, 2.5 children, a dog, you know, that dream.
Twenty one years later we have a house with no fence, 4 kids (we are SO above average), 2 cars, 2 dogs (we tend to overdue the easy parts of the American dream), 2 cats, 2 African water frogs and a rabbit. Our 21st Anniversary. We are old. It seems odd to feel so young, but say you've been married for 21 years.
In 21 years, I have found weight, and lost hair, OK, that goes for both my husband and I. We've owned three homes, ten cars, five dogs, eight cats, three toasters and four vacuums. We are hard on toasters and vacuums and picky about dogs and cats. Some just don't make the cut, others leave us before we are ready.
We have moved across the country, away from family for my husband's job. We have lost two grandparents. We have made new friends and lost contact with old friends. Most importantly, we have raised four amazing-in-their-own-way kids.
We have grown up. We have changed. In some ways we have changed for the better, some changes, not so good. We have seen each others "better" and "worse". We have each considered hanging up the marriage hat at one time or another. But then, we procrastinate, ride out the storm, well, basically, we are cheap and divorce is expensive. But really, we have learned that there are peaks and valleys in marriage and if you hang out for a bit, you'll find yourself atop another peak.
I used to be a very affectionate person. I would send cards "just because" to my husband's work. Then the kids, the bills, the laundry, it has all gotten in the way...so, the nagging question is "Do you love me?"
Let me explain. My husband and I are very different people. We like different music, T.V. shows, movies and food. We have different sleep cycles, he goes to bed early, wakes up early. I am a night owl and love to sleep in. He likes to be ten minutes early for everything. I am more a "fashionably late" type person.Our daily priorities are different, he likes the sink free of dishes. I like to get through the day. I mean, I like all the dirty clothes in the hamper instead of the floor. Toys on the floor don't bother me, noise doesn't bother me. Those things make my husband climb the walls. We are very different. Really, besides living space, bank accounts and kids, we have little in common. So, "do you love me?" is a very valid question.
We have spent 21 years growing up, sometimes apart, sometimes together. We have spent 21 years taking care of the house, the cars, the appliances, the pets and of course, the kids. We often forget to take care of "us". The love isn't expressed as frequently as it should be. I don't say it. Then, I think of Golde from "Fiddler on the Roof". Her husband asked the very same question, "Do you love me?" her response is the same as mine (with some minor fixes);
"For twenty-one years I've washed your clothes
Cooked your meals, cleaned your house
Given you children...
For twenty-one years I've lived with him
Fought him, starved with him
Twenty-one years my bed is his
If that's not love, what is?"
In short, the answer is, in my own quirky way, yes dear, I suppose I do love you. Thanks for 21 years.
Monday, September 27, 2010
A Little About Us
Recently I was reacquainted with a friend from high school. She asked about me, seeing as how we haven't been in contact for 25 years. So I sent her this slightly smart alec-y response. Actually, I liked what I wrote, so I then used it for my facebook bio. I have added a bit to it since I sent it to my friend, and I still want to edit a bit at the end, but I like it. It read like this:
I am 5'2" with hazel eyes. They used to be dark brown, but with age are fading to hazel..browner or greener depending on what I'm wearing. I like to scrapbook, and cook. I want to write a childrens book and run a marathon. My favorite places to go are Petoskey Michigan, and Disneyworld. I recently went to Hilton Head with my mom and like that too. So, I guess I am a beach person, which surprised me. I think it's because it's so calm at the beach.
I like to sleep. I have four children. Sleep and children are not a good mix. I love to sing and dance. I'll sing anything...except rap. I am really good at singing "Red Neck Woman" , "Before He Cheats" , "My Last Name" and "Roxie". Just don't ask my kids if that's true.
I collect pig things, I don't know why...it started with Miss Piggy. My favorite color is lime green. I drink WAY too much diet coke. I love junk food and don't eat any veggies. I still am not certain what I want to be when I grow up.
I would love to be a high heel wearing, perfectly manicured, well accessorized, trendy clothes wearing person. However, my life is much more suited to my Crocs , jeans and ponytails. So I guess I'll save the other stuff for "special occasions."
I am slightly OCD about making lists and my calendar. I write and rewrite lists and use several calendars...I don't like them to get messy. (Please refer to sentence about having four kids, my calendars are ALWAYS messy!) OK, maybe slightly OCD isn't the right wording...Anyway, I spend so much time making lists that the items on the lists could be completed. But, then I would have no place to cross off my accomplishments.
I drive a tan Dodge caravan that I love. It was the first new car I ever picked out, test drove and bought. It is 8 years old...nearly 90,000 mile on it. I love it. I will probably cry when it dies. I have 2 dogs, 2 cats, a rabbit, 2 african water frogs. I love to clean the house and organize. I should have been a 1950's housewife.
I have made many mistakes in my life, and hopefully have learned from them. I am the person I am because of the mistakes I have made and the experiences I have had, good, bad or ugly.
Then yesterday, my daughter (who is a junior in high school) gives me this paper from one of her teachers. It's an assignment for parents to do, but the student will get 5 bonus points. All I had to do was to send the teacher an email and describe my child in 1000 words or less. I sent this:
Dear Ms. Taylor,
My daughter is the second of four children in our family. She looks up to her older brother (a freshman in college), shares a room (unhappily) with her 8th grade sister, and is extremely helpful and adoring of... her 5 year old brother.
She is a very responsible young lady. She is taking a very tough load of classes,including Jr. ROTC, participates in student government, is a representative for the chorus, has a supervisory role at her job (2-3 nights a week), is a member of the high school swim team and still manages to babysit for neighbors, have a social life with friends, get her homework done, take drivers ed., sew and shop. The only thing that she doesn't have time for is cleaning her room, but that topic we will save for another time. She has talked about being a Dentist when she grows up. She likes fish as pets, but nothing with fur. Her favorite color is orange. She hates meatloaf. And potatoes.
She is a happy, chatty, funny girl. She takes life seriously in the respect that she gives anything she tackles 100% devotion. She works very hard to succeed and has high standards for herself. All the while enjoying herself.
Enjoy your school year! Thanks for your time!
Proud Mother of Amazing Girl
My daughter did not like this. She was embarrassed. She said I overshared. One of my friends said "'Overshare' is teen code for 'I'm self conscious about all those compliments, but I'm actually really flattered and secretly pleased.' The eyeball rolling that probably accompanied the conversation was sign language for 'Thanks, Mom, I love you, too!'" I hope she's right.
I was grateful that child two had this assignment, not child three. I love child three, really, I do. child three is just much different than children one and two. I feel that I don't relate as well with her, or maybe I relate too well... Anyway, all that made me feel bad. This is what I would write if she had such an assignment:
Dear Mrs. Jones,
Thank you for wanting to know a little something about my daughter. Unfortunately, the child you see in class is different than the child I see at home. I know this because I have gotten several phone calls from school raving about what a wonderful child I have. After I make sure they have dialed the correct number and are talking about MY child, I am always amazed.
From what I gather, the child you will see is smart, funny, helpful, kind, considerate, talented, polite and downright delightful! I should warn you that her appearance may be one that leaves you wondering "Where is her Mother?" as I am quite certain she changes her clothing and applies makeup once she is at school.
The child I see is a sassy mouthed, impatient, loud, hand on hip, finger wagging "That's not fair"-ing, fashionista wannabe. She makes my head spin. She wants to be 22 years old RIGHT now!
She was the baby in our family for nine years. It is a role she not only loved, but excelled in, even her body cooperated. She started kindergarten weighing a mere 30 pounds. The dethroning of her baby status when her brother was born was hostile. It was paired with a family relocation to a new state several hundred miles away. Life was not fun. This was the peak of her diva stage...well, until she hit age 13.
She is involved in student council, chorus, track and drama. I am particularly proud of her drama involvement. It is quite evident that she has a flair for drama, she may as well use the talent on a stage where she will be applauded and recognized for her talents.
Mrs. Jones, I certainly don't mean to scare you. As I said, you will see a very different child than I see, and your days spent with her should be fine and go smoothly. If at any point in time you wish to share the delightful child you see, I would be happy to visit your classroom.
Thank you for your interest,
Proud Mother of Teenage Drama Queen
OK, OK, I can hear you all saying how horrible I am! Really, I adore my daughters, both of them. They both leave me in awe. One because she is self motivating, driven, strong, independent, and the other because she is so much like me. I need to apologize to my Mother again.
I am 5'2" with hazel eyes. They used to be dark brown, but with age are fading to hazel..browner or greener depending on what I'm wearing. I like to scrapbook, and cook. I want to write a childrens book and run a marathon. My favorite places to go are Petoskey Michigan, and Disneyworld. I recently went to Hilton Head with my mom and like that too. So, I guess I am a beach person, which surprised me. I think it's because it's so calm at the beach.
I like to sleep. I have four children. Sleep and children are not a good mix. I love to sing and dance. I'll sing anything...except rap. I am really good at singing "Red Neck Woman" , "Before He Cheats" , "My Last Name" and "Roxie". Just don't ask my kids if that's true.
I collect pig things, I don't know why...it started with Miss Piggy. My favorite color is lime green. I drink WAY too much diet coke. I love junk food and don't eat any veggies. I still am not certain what I want to be when I grow up.
I would love to be a high heel wearing, perfectly manicured, well accessorized, trendy clothes wearing person. However, my life is much more suited to my Crocs , jeans and ponytails. So I guess I'll save the other stuff for "special occasions."
I am slightly OCD about making lists and my calendar. I write and rewrite lists and use several calendars...I don't like them to get messy. (Please refer to sentence about having four kids, my calendars are ALWAYS messy!) OK, maybe slightly OCD isn't the right wording...Anyway, I spend so much time making lists that the items on the lists could be completed. But, then I would have no place to cross off my accomplishments.
I drive a tan Dodge caravan that I love. It was the first new car I ever picked out, test drove and bought. It is 8 years old...nearly 90,000 mile on it. I love it. I will probably cry when it dies. I have 2 dogs, 2 cats, a rabbit, 2 african water frogs. I love to clean the house and organize. I should have been a 1950's housewife.
I have made many mistakes in my life, and hopefully have learned from them. I am the person I am because of the mistakes I have made and the experiences I have had, good, bad or ugly.
Then yesterday, my daughter (who is a junior in high school) gives me this paper from one of her teachers. It's an assignment for parents to do, but the student will get 5 bonus points. All I had to do was to send the teacher an email and describe my child in 1000 words or less. I sent this:
Dear Ms. Taylor,
My daughter is the second of four children in our family. She looks up to her older brother (a freshman in college), shares a room (unhappily) with her 8th grade sister, and is extremely helpful and adoring of... her 5 year old brother.
She is a very responsible young lady. She is taking a very tough load of classes,including Jr. ROTC, participates in student government, is a representative for the chorus, has a supervisory role at her job (2-3 nights a week), is a member of the high school swim team and still manages to babysit for neighbors, have a social life with friends, get her homework done, take drivers ed., sew and shop. The only thing that she doesn't have time for is cleaning her room, but that topic we will save for another time. She has talked about being a Dentist when she grows up. She likes fish as pets, but nothing with fur. Her favorite color is orange. She hates meatloaf. And potatoes.
She is a happy, chatty, funny girl. She takes life seriously in the respect that she gives anything she tackles 100% devotion. She works very hard to succeed and has high standards for herself. All the while enjoying herself.
Enjoy your school year! Thanks for your time!
Proud Mother of Amazing Girl
My daughter did not like this. She was embarrassed. She said I overshared. One of my friends said "'Overshare' is teen code for 'I'm self conscious about all those compliments, but I'm actually really flattered and secretly pleased.' The eyeball rolling that probably accompanied the conversation was sign language for 'Thanks, Mom, I love you, too!'" I hope she's right.
I was grateful that child two had this assignment, not child three. I love child three, really, I do. child three is just much different than children one and two. I feel that I don't relate as well with her, or maybe I relate too well... Anyway, all that made me feel bad. This is what I would write if she had such an assignment:
Dear Mrs. Jones,
Thank you for wanting to know a little something about my daughter. Unfortunately, the child you see in class is different than the child I see at home. I know this because I have gotten several phone calls from school raving about what a wonderful child I have. After I make sure they have dialed the correct number and are talking about MY child, I am always amazed.
From what I gather, the child you will see is smart, funny, helpful, kind, considerate, talented, polite and downright delightful! I should warn you that her appearance may be one that leaves you wondering "Where is her Mother?" as I am quite certain she changes her clothing and applies makeup once she is at school.
The child I see is a sassy mouthed, impatient, loud, hand on hip, finger wagging "That's not fair"-ing, fashionista wannabe. She makes my head spin. She wants to be 22 years old RIGHT now!
She was the baby in our family for nine years. It is a role she not only loved, but excelled in, even her body cooperated. She started kindergarten weighing a mere 30 pounds. The dethroning of her baby status when her brother was born was hostile. It was paired with a family relocation to a new state several hundred miles away. Life was not fun. This was the peak of her diva stage...well, until she hit age 13.
She is involved in student council, chorus, track and drama. I am particularly proud of her drama involvement. It is quite evident that she has a flair for drama, she may as well use the talent on a stage where she will be applauded and recognized for her talents.
Mrs. Jones, I certainly don't mean to scare you. As I said, you will see a very different child than I see, and your days spent with her should be fine and go smoothly. If at any point in time you wish to share the delightful child you see, I would be happy to visit your classroom.
Thank you for your interest,
Proud Mother of Teenage Drama Queen
OK, OK, I can hear you all saying how horrible I am! Really, I adore my daughters, both of them. They both leave me in awe. One because she is self motivating, driven, strong, independent, and the other because she is so much like me. I need to apologize to my Mother again.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
It's a Choice
My daughter nearly missed the bus this morning. No, she didn't wake up late. No, she wasn't having a bad hair day. Before she left today I asked to see what she was wearing. I don't always do that, and I don't know why I did today. God must have been whispering to me to check her out though. Hope God turned his back then on my reaction. My 13 yr old daughter had on this black tube top thing that I think is intended to be worn as an undergarment, something like Spanx, as a top. She paired it with a pencil, very pencil, skirt, a wide belt and a sweaterish shawl type thing. First thing I saw was her bra straps. I told her she needed to change. She hollered, stomped her feet and said "I'll grab jeans and change at school." Apparently, she thinks I am really stupid. I informed her that she would change NOW. She came back downstairs and tried to leave again before I had a glimpse. She was not happy when I said the shirt needed to be changed too. More hollering, stomping, banging around in her closet...I followed her up, my little guy was still sleeping (not for long though, some idiot in the neighborhood honked his horn 6-8 times at 6:20a.m.!). She then ran down the stairs and all the way to the bus stop. Miraculously, she made the bus. I then rummaged through the pile of clothing in her closet. She won't be wearing those items again. She makes interesting fashion choices. I don't like them. When she is famous for her fashion designs, I am sure she will tell stories about her mean old mother and how she didn't like her daughter's choice of fashion.
My oldest brother is moving to China for work. He is married, no kids. He is learning Mandarin. He has also lived in Brazil and Germany for work. He speaks fluent Portuguese and pretty decent German. He has traveled, just for fun to Egypt. He lived in Hawaii for awhile. I think he is amazing. He sees cool things, goes cool places, does cool things.
My youngest wears Pull-ups to bed. He has been dry though for several weeks. I ran out of Pull-ups, but thought it was no big deal, he has been dry. WRONG! One night in undies and he was soaked! Back to Pull-ups. My brother speaks several languages, sees the world. I change wet beds.
That's when I started thinking about it...these are choices. I choose to be a Mom. That doesn't mean I choose to have no adventures. That doesn't mean I don't have cool experiences. It means I don't move to China. It means I won't travel Egypt for awhile, if at all. I will pay for college, not cruises, or golf clubs. It's a choice. I imagine traveling the world would be so exciting! But I can't imagine a world without my kids. I made the right choice for me.
My oldest daughter just turned 17. She has been having to make many choices. She is a very motivated, determined, responsible girl. She got a promotion at her work and now is in charge of closing the store a few nights a week. She got a raise. She wanted to join the school's golf team, but made the choice to skip it because of her duties at work. My Dad thinks she should have golfed. She will be working the rest of her life. That is a valid point. It wasn't my choice to make though. She also started ROTC at school and joined the Color Guard for ROTC. They appointed her the commander of the squad. She takes a hard load of classes at school. She is amazing. She has made good choices so far. She knows what she can handle, and what she can't. She chooses wisely. She will make successful life choices, I can feel it.
I have a big, intimidating "to-do" list sitting on my desk. I write and rewrite the list daily. I choose to manage my time poorly (thank you internet inventors with an extra nod to the developers of facebook). I have intentions to complete the to do list. I have intentions of exercising daily, of drinking more water, of making it to church. I even have all those things on my list. I simply make choices of things to fill my day that are not on the list. I'm not lazy, or disorganized. I am simply exercising my right to choose. I choose to admire my to do list. I choose to ponder the amount of effort needed to complete the tasks and delegate them to the appropriate day. Whether I complete the tasks? Well, that will be another choice.
My oldest brother is moving to China for work. He is married, no kids. He is learning Mandarin. He has also lived in Brazil and Germany for work. He speaks fluent Portuguese and pretty decent German. He has traveled, just for fun to Egypt. He lived in Hawaii for awhile. I think he is amazing. He sees cool things, goes cool places, does cool things.
My youngest wears Pull-ups to bed. He has been dry though for several weeks. I ran out of Pull-ups, but thought it was no big deal, he has been dry. WRONG! One night in undies and he was soaked! Back to Pull-ups. My brother speaks several languages, sees the world. I change wet beds.
That's when I started thinking about it...these are choices. I choose to be a Mom. That doesn't mean I choose to have no adventures. That doesn't mean I don't have cool experiences. It means I don't move to China. It means I won't travel Egypt for awhile, if at all. I will pay for college, not cruises, or golf clubs. It's a choice. I imagine traveling the world would be so exciting! But I can't imagine a world without my kids. I made the right choice for me.
My oldest daughter just turned 17. She has been having to make many choices. She is a very motivated, determined, responsible girl. She got a promotion at her work and now is in charge of closing the store a few nights a week. She got a raise. She wanted to join the school's golf team, but made the choice to skip it because of her duties at work. My Dad thinks she should have golfed. She will be working the rest of her life. That is a valid point. It wasn't my choice to make though. She also started ROTC at school and joined the Color Guard for ROTC. They appointed her the commander of the squad. She takes a hard load of classes at school. She is amazing. She has made good choices so far. She knows what she can handle, and what she can't. She chooses wisely. She will make successful life choices, I can feel it.
I have a big, intimidating "to-do" list sitting on my desk. I write and rewrite the list daily. I choose to manage my time poorly (thank you internet inventors with an extra nod to the developers of facebook). I have intentions to complete the to do list. I have intentions of exercising daily, of drinking more water, of making it to church. I even have all those things on my list. I simply make choices of things to fill my day that are not on the list. I'm not lazy, or disorganized. I am simply exercising my right to choose. I choose to admire my to do list. I choose to ponder the amount of effort needed to complete the tasks and delegate them to the appropriate day. Whether I complete the tasks? Well, that will be another choice.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
My Son the College Student
Despite all my internal protesting, my son went ahead and grew up. I took him to college, twelve hours away, four weeks ago. He is enrolled at a military college and is in the Corp of Cadets (ROTC program). He had one week similar to Army basic training. No clocks, no watches, no tv, computers, phones. He had 60 seconds each evening to shower, shave and brush his teeth. My son informed me he didn't use a towel or toothbrush for the whole time. He has fast growing facial hair and was told he would have to shave twice a day, so once a day he dry shaved in the darkness of morning. I saw him at the end of the week, his face was quite sore looking. Poor guy.
He has to do 20 push-ups each time he enters his dorm. He counts them aloud. Then has to add "1 for the troops. 1 for the corp. 1 for..." which adds another five push-ups. Anyway, I saw him do this when we were moving him into his dorm. I was digging for my camera, but he was too fast. I asked him to do one more so I could get a photo. He did, he even counted off "And one for my Mom." I secretly hope each time he does his push-ups he thinks that in his head.
He survived the week, we said our official "goodbyes" as we won't see him again until Christmas. My daughters and I all had a good cry, and we drove the twelve hours home. The next day, my son called home. He was doing laundry and had some time. I smiled for hours! I have been talking to him on the phone once a week. He called once to say he now had to carry a razor with him 24/7 because his facial hair grows so fast. He has to get a hair cut every week too, all the guys do. We instant message or text nearly everyday. I really miss the daily face to face interaction with him, but I am enjoying this new relationship we are forging via technology.
I am feeling very strong senses of pride as he tells me about doing so well on his physical fitness test, that he was asked to join the Army Ranger Challenge Team (he is sending me a sticker for my car! After I send him a self addressed stamped envelope.). Today he told me about getting a girls phone number last night at dinner because some other cadets were talking about condoms at dinner and my son reminded them they were in mixed company. The girl was so impressed that she gave my son her number. He said (to me) "Too bad she's not even a butterface." Made me laugh. He is a good person. (Even when he makes not nice comments about girls.)
He also told me about trying to make the sergeants laugh at taps (nightly bed check at midnight)Saturday night. He wore his headlamp and met the sergeants at the door. Have you seen the movie "Waiting"? Well, if you have, then you can guess what he was standing there doing. If you haven't seen it? Well, I'll say this, he was doing some origami. He did some push-ups for his choice of comedy. He said it was worth it though. He overheard the sergeants taking and laughing about it the next day.
He has mandatory study hall in his room from 8pm until midnight Sunday through Thursday, no tv, phones in the hall. He has bed check nightly at midnight. He has PT (physical training) mornings at 6:30, which is after his 5:45 am PT with the Ranger team. Then he is released at 8:00 am to shower and have breakfast and go to classes. He is studying Criminal Justice.
He has to wear a uniform 7 days a week until the first semester is over. Then he has to wear a uniform 5 days a week until retreat (5:00 pm, when they take down the American flag). Today is "civies" day. If you pay $3.00, you can wear civilian clothes. He is wearing jeans and an Elmo t-shirt. He said it was the best money he has ever spent. It is the first time he has been out of a uniform in a month. He said he thought he would walk the entire campus today because it would be easier. That confused me, so he explained that when he is in his uniform he has to salute officers and greet sergeants. In uniform, he also has to stop walking when using his cell phone for talking or texting. I thought that was interesting. So, he said he will gladly pay to wear his civies. It only happens once a month though. His favorite part of civies day? He can get hugs. He has dinner each night with the same girl. When she saw him in civies, she ran up and gave him a huge hug. She said "Aren't you glad you paid $3.00?" I guess she has asked everyday for four weeks if she could hug him. He keeps saying, "I could get into trouble." I think he could get into trouble either way...
I have thoroughly enjoyed parenting my kids. I get thrilled at their accomplishments. The first steps, first lost tooth. We celebrate report cards (sometimes)and sports games played well. I thought that high school graduation would bring an end to these thrilling parenting moments. I was so wrong! I am loving seeing the teenage boy I dropped off at college grow into a man. Physically he will be a different person when I see him at Christmas. Mentally, he already is. He makes me proud at every turn. He is making good choices. He is testing his limits, doing his laundry, taking care of himself. I am beaming with pride.
I still miss him greatly. We had a full, clean dishwasher for a few days because it was his turn to unload it. We have had to readjust the chore list for trash duty. I don't have anyone to argue with, or push my buttons. We have to drive his sisters everywhere now. I miss him. But, I am so proud of how he is creating HIS life. I am excited to see where it will lead him. I never thought I would enjoy this stage of parenting. I am so relieved to see I still can. The things he is doing leave me in awe. When that's your kid, that's a pretty cool experience.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Teardrops on the Underwear
The laundry made me cry today. Not the sheer volume of it, which in general is overwhelming as I only do laundry once a week and there are six of us. I cried while I folded underwear. When I realized I was crying, I cried harder. How lame does one have to be to have underwear make you cry?
It started as I folded child #1's undies. I only have two more laundry days that will involve his undies. He is heading to college. Some people may jump for joy seeing some of their work load lessened. But, in this case, that is not me. Child #3 is growing so fast that all of her undies are too small. I know that, but I haven't bought her new ones yet. It's as if by refusing to buy new undies her growth will somehow stall. So far, it's not working and she regularly complains and shows me the indents her too small undies leave. In my mind, if I buy her new undies, she'll grow up faster and I will be crying again at the thought of doing her laundry for the last time.
Child #2 has cute undies(she is 16). They are the kind that 20 years ago I would have loved and probably worn. Then I fold my undies. I look at them and realize they are the type that were the punchline of jokes I told 20 years ago. I dab the tears. Child #4 is wearing undies, not diapers, and only one pair a day. Some days I celebrate these accomplishments, today, folding only seven pairs of his tiny undies, I miss the diapers. I miss the little kids.
My husband has the nicest undies in our house. I think that subconsciously I make sure his undies are in good condition. I mean, he is the one who makes the money in our house. He takes care of all of us. Nice undies is my way, I guess, of taking care of him. This makes me tear up again.
The laundry made me cry today. I cried because time passed so quickly. I cried because my kids have grown so fast. I cried because my body doesn't look right in cute undies anymore. I cried because I will miss child #1 and his undies so much when he is at college, even though there is no place else I'd rather him be right now. I cried because sooner than I want to think about, my house will always be clean and tidy and I will miss the mess, the noise and all the undies.
It started as I folded child #1's undies. I only have two more laundry days that will involve his undies. He is heading to college. Some people may jump for joy seeing some of their work load lessened. But, in this case, that is not me. Child #3 is growing so fast that all of her undies are too small. I know that, but I haven't bought her new ones yet. It's as if by refusing to buy new undies her growth will somehow stall. So far, it's not working and she regularly complains and shows me the indents her too small undies leave. In my mind, if I buy her new undies, she'll grow up faster and I will be crying again at the thought of doing her laundry for the last time.
Child #2 has cute undies(she is 16). They are the kind that 20 years ago I would have loved and probably worn. Then I fold my undies. I look at them and realize they are the type that were the punchline of jokes I told 20 years ago. I dab the tears. Child #4 is wearing undies, not diapers, and only one pair a day. Some days I celebrate these accomplishments, today, folding only seven pairs of his tiny undies, I miss the diapers. I miss the little kids.
My husband has the nicest undies in our house. I think that subconsciously I make sure his undies are in good condition. I mean, he is the one who makes the money in our house. He takes care of all of us. Nice undies is my way, I guess, of taking care of him. This makes me tear up again.
The laundry made me cry today. I cried because time passed so quickly. I cried because my kids have grown so fast. I cried because my body doesn't look right in cute undies anymore. I cried because I will miss child #1 and his undies so much when he is at college, even though there is no place else I'd rather him be right now. I cried because sooner than I want to think about, my house will always be clean and tidy and I will miss the mess, the noise and all the undies.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
So Much to Say...
I have been keeping notes about things I want to write about. This is a bad idea. I stay awake at night and think up complete stories to write, but by morning they are mostly broken sentences, making no sense at all. I have a stack of napkins and scrap paper with my rambling thoughts written on them.
I think kids age like dogs. One adult (human) year equals 7 kid (dog) years. That would explain why my son is heading to college and I am only 27 1/2.
In the last week, I have received two emails from friends requesting that I vote for their friend so that the friend can win their own talk show. Interesting. I hadn't heard about that contest. I have never really thought about having my own talk show on TV. I have thought about being on a radio morning show. There was a really good one in Denver that I listened to all the time and loved. I could do that. But, on TV? Who would watch? But, the more I thought about it, the more I wished I had heard about this contest. I would have tried for it. I still don't know who would watch, but I have so many ideas.
My husband and I just took our oldest to freshman orientation (college). By the way...this is a completely new topic...has nothing to do with previous paragraphs...A few things struck me. #1) My kids will never survive a road trip with just their Dad. The reason? He NEVER wants to stop. Not for food. Not for bathroom breaks. Not for outlet malls. NEVER. He will stop for gas. If you need to stretch, use the bathroom or grab a snack, you have the amount of time it takes to pump 17 gallons of gas. That's it. If you're lucky. I think he times his stops for when we are napping so that he doesn't risk you taking longer in the bathroom. Or getting a drink. If you get a drink, you'll need to use a bathroom. You'll need to wait approximately 283 miles until the next gas stop.
The other thing that struck me (#2) on this trip was this; kids suck up a lot of your time each day. I don't know why this surprised me so much, but it did. I don't feel like I spend my whole day doing things for them, but I must spend more time than I thought. My husband and I had 2 nights and 3 days of no children. It was the first time we had that much childless time in 16 years. One morning we woke up, showered, had breakfast, then went for a hike to the top of a waterfall. It was a half mile, then 604 steps up, then one mile down. Then we walked around the gift shop and the ranger station. It was 11:30am when we got back to the car! I couldn't believe it. Then we went out to lunch and walked an entire, large, outlet mall. We got back to our hotel at 3pm. This was shocking to me. That seems like lots of stops in a day when you have 4 kids following you. I had so much free time that I read 17 magazines over the course of the 3 days and 2 nights. Some were dated 2007. That's the contrast...with kids,it takes me 3 years to read a single magazine. No kids, 17 magazines in 48 hours. I also took 2 showers a day. Two uninterrupted, hot, long showers a day. It was so nice. It helped pass the time. My life is pretty unexciting isn't it? Magazines and showers. Oh, Diet Coke too.
So, onto my last ramble for the evening...my parents were in town for my son's graduation. We were having a discussion about families we know. We talked about Aunts, Uncles, cousins and family friends that we have known for years and years (and years). We talked about the things our families have in common, and the way we differ. (NOTE: I mean no disrespect to anyone whom we were talking about. I truly believe that the world is more interesting BECAUSE people differ from each other. But, I DO like to talk about the hows and whys people are different.)
So anyway, I say to my Dad how thankful I am to have a normal family. That we have had normal experiences and do normal things. Now, I know that all (or most) people think their families are normal. I mean, if you live it, you are used to it and you think that is normal. Until someone tells you it's not...it's all a matter of opinion. Which made me think about my family. My parents have been married for 46 years. To me this is normal. They had three kids. To me this is normal. My brothers and I are all married, (and on our first marriages still). To me this is normal (however, I see we might be considered dull).
I realize that my parents, brothers and I can't ALL be normal...so I start to think more carefully. I have been married for 20 years and have four kids. I am a stay at home Mom. My oldest brother has no kids, and the younger one has one child. Both their wives work (out of the home).Thus, I have deemed myself NOT NORMAL. I am an overbreeder. My oldest brother just graduated with his Master's degree. My younger brother and I don't even have a bachelor's degree. Thus, I have deemed him, NOT NORMAL. He is an overachiever. This leaves my youngest brother. Apparently he is normal. I mean, we can't ALL be abnormal, can we? Nah. The funny thing is...if you know my youngest brother....well, you would see the humor...
I'm pretty sure that out of all the families we discussed, my family was the most normal. Uh-huh, yep, that's right. We are the most normal. The Overbreeder, the Overachiver and the Normal One. If any of you need a closer look at "normal", I'm thinking of booking my "normal" family on one of the first episodes of my TV talk show. But, don't hold your breath waiting for that to happen...that definitely isn't normal.
I think kids age like dogs. One adult (human) year equals 7 kid (dog) years. That would explain why my son is heading to college and I am only 27 1/2.
In the last week, I have received two emails from friends requesting that I vote for their friend so that the friend can win their own talk show. Interesting. I hadn't heard about that contest. I have never really thought about having my own talk show on TV. I have thought about being on a radio morning show. There was a really good one in Denver that I listened to all the time and loved. I could do that. But, on TV? Who would watch? But, the more I thought about it, the more I wished I had heard about this contest. I would have tried for it. I still don't know who would watch, but I have so many ideas.
My husband and I just took our oldest to freshman orientation (college). By the way...this is a completely new topic...has nothing to do with previous paragraphs...A few things struck me. #1) My kids will never survive a road trip with just their Dad. The reason? He NEVER wants to stop. Not for food. Not for bathroom breaks. Not for outlet malls. NEVER. He will stop for gas. If you need to stretch, use the bathroom or grab a snack, you have the amount of time it takes to pump 17 gallons of gas. That's it. If you're lucky. I think he times his stops for when we are napping so that he doesn't risk you taking longer in the bathroom. Or getting a drink. If you get a drink, you'll need to use a bathroom. You'll need to wait approximately 283 miles until the next gas stop.
The other thing that struck me (#2) on this trip was this; kids suck up a lot of your time each day. I don't know why this surprised me so much, but it did. I don't feel like I spend my whole day doing things for them, but I must spend more time than I thought. My husband and I had 2 nights and 3 days of no children. It was the first time we had that much childless time in 16 years. One morning we woke up, showered, had breakfast, then went for a hike to the top of a waterfall. It was a half mile, then 604 steps up, then one mile down. Then we walked around the gift shop and the ranger station. It was 11:30am when we got back to the car! I couldn't believe it. Then we went out to lunch and walked an entire, large, outlet mall. We got back to our hotel at 3pm. This was shocking to me. That seems like lots of stops in a day when you have 4 kids following you. I had so much free time that I read 17 magazines over the course of the 3 days and 2 nights. Some were dated 2007. That's the contrast...with kids,it takes me 3 years to read a single magazine. No kids, 17 magazines in 48 hours. I also took 2 showers a day. Two uninterrupted, hot, long showers a day. It was so nice. It helped pass the time. My life is pretty unexciting isn't it? Magazines and showers. Oh, Diet Coke too.
So, onto my last ramble for the evening...my parents were in town for my son's graduation. We were having a discussion about families we know. We talked about Aunts, Uncles, cousins and family friends that we have known for years and years (and years). We talked about the things our families have in common, and the way we differ. (NOTE: I mean no disrespect to anyone whom we were talking about. I truly believe that the world is more interesting BECAUSE people differ from each other. But, I DO like to talk about the hows and whys people are different.)
So anyway, I say to my Dad how thankful I am to have a normal family. That we have had normal experiences and do normal things. Now, I know that all (or most) people think their families are normal. I mean, if you live it, you are used to it and you think that is normal. Until someone tells you it's not...it's all a matter of opinion. Which made me think about my family. My parents have been married for 46 years. To me this is normal. They had three kids. To me this is normal. My brothers and I are all married, (and on our first marriages still). To me this is normal (however, I see we might be considered dull).
I realize that my parents, brothers and I can't ALL be normal...so I start to think more carefully. I have been married for 20 years and have four kids. I am a stay at home Mom. My oldest brother has no kids, and the younger one has one child. Both their wives work (out of the home).Thus, I have deemed myself NOT NORMAL. I am an overbreeder. My oldest brother just graduated with his Master's degree. My younger brother and I don't even have a bachelor's degree. Thus, I have deemed him, NOT NORMAL. He is an overachiever. This leaves my youngest brother. Apparently he is normal. I mean, we can't ALL be abnormal, can we? Nah. The funny thing is...if you know my youngest brother....well, you would see the humor...
I'm pretty sure that out of all the families we discussed, my family was the most normal. Uh-huh, yep, that's right. We are the most normal. The Overbreeder, the Overachiver and the Normal One. If any of you need a closer look at "normal", I'm thinking of booking my "normal" family on one of the first episodes of my TV talk show. But, don't hold your breath waiting for that to happen...that definitely isn't normal.
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