Hard to Believe

I woke up yesterday morning with SO much energy. It's very unusual for me. The house was quiet, so I painted my nails, shaved my legs, ironed a bit, tidied up the house. Around 11 a.m. a friend from high school called. We hadn't talked for awhile, so it was good to hear from her. We talked for about 3 hours! When I hung up the phone I felt a strange twinge in my stomach. Oh, I should mention I am 39 weeks pregnant. My due date is 4 days away.

By 3 p.m., the twinges were occurring every 20 minutes. This was my first pregnancy. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what to do. I ate a light dinner. My husband went to bed at 10 p.m. At 11 p.m., I decided to try to sleep. The problem was that in the dark and silence of night, the twinges felt stronger. I was starting to get a bit nervous. Maybe even scared. At 11:30 p.m., I called my Dr. He said to wait until contractions were closer together. Well, I decided to take a shower. Then I packed my bags. Then I woke up my husband. We went to the hospital. I asked them to either send me home, or admit me. I didn't want to be there for hours, then dismissed. I had heard several women from Lamaze class talk about that. I didn't want that to happen to me. By 1 a.m., I was admitted.

I had an excellent student nurse, Jeanne. She kept me full of ice chips. I had an epidural. After 22 hours of "twinges", I finally was pushing out this person (we didn't know yet if it was a boy or girl) into my life. I was moments away from meeting the person who would make me a Mom. Twenty minutes later, I said "Hi D.J.". Mind you, his cord was not cut yet. I'm not even sure his feet were out yet. What struck me at that moment was a huge wave of exhaustion, a desperate need for a Diet Coke, and overwhelming joy. I sobbed. I smiled. I laughed. I was ready to do it over again. It was incredible. The next thing that struck me was I just called my son (doesn't that sound good? "my son") "D.J." I had wanted to name a boy "Garth". We had talked about POSSIBLY naming a boy after my husband and father-in-law, and calling him D.J. I was still leaning towards Garth. I was so surprised that I called him D.J., but it stuck. He was my D.J. He was my son.

We spent two nights in the hospital. I was over joyed. I can't remember a time I was ever so happy! When we took him home, we changed his diaper. He had been circumcised that morning. He looked sore. I cried. I squeezed some Vaseline on it. My husband took the tube and said "That's not enough" and squeezed a bunch more. Next thing you know, D.J.'s eye lids had pools of pee on them. Oh man did we laugh!

It's hard to believe this was all 18 years ago. Yes, my son, my D.J. turned 18 today.
I have had several hairstyles in eighteen years. My weight has changed. My style of dressing has changed. I have had 7 different jobs, done daycare for over 20 kids, been to Disneyworld twice. I have been to Germany and Paris, France. I've been a Bridesmaid three times. I know that time has passed. But to be the Mother of an 18 yr. old? It is hard to believe.

I have learned the in's and outs of Cub Scouts. I know the name of Pokemon characters. I build a mean Lego car. I have been knee deep in Mighty Beans and G.I.Joes. I have read all the Harry Potter books (over and over and over)and have watched "101 Dalmatians" hundreds of times. We have laughed and cried. O.K., he makes me laugh and cry. He made me a Mom. He has taught me pretty well. I do tend to be a rebellious student though, I often refuse to do the homework. If I do the homework, it means my son will grow more. I want him to stay little.

He has had tubes in his ears for multiple ear infections. He had his wisdom teeth removed. He has had 2 rather nasty broken arms (and 2 not so nasty broken arms too). He has had 3 surgeries on his arm and still needs one more. My son. My son who now is getting ready to graduate from High School. Then he plans on joining the military. It's so hard to believe.

My son, D.J., is smart. He is funny, witty. He is brave, unbelievably brave. He is responsible, well, unless he is swallowing straight pins or trying to light bleach on fire! This day should be all about him, his accomplishments. I keep thinking though about all the things I haven't done for him, with him. Have I done enough? I wanted to bake him cookies after school. I wanted to have Family Game Nights every week. I wanted to belong to a church. Have I done enough? My son is 18, have I done enough? It's hard to believe, but impossible to deny anymore. My son is 18.