Yours, Mine and Ours

Yesterday was the start of week three of "Adventures with Big Mama". We celebrated by going to Sam's Club. I'll get back to that...but let me catch you up a bit first.

Our first week here, my husband was also here. Our house hadn't closed yet, but it was mostly packed, so it just was easier to stay at Big Mama's. She and my husband got up in the morning and went to work, I got all the kids off to school, then went back to my house (four doors away) and finished packing my belongings. After school I got the kids off the buses and headed back to Big Mama's to start dinner. The week ended with the closing on the sale of our house, and us officially being "homeless".

The second week of our stay started with my husband moving to Denver. The rest of the week is a blur. Constant movement of Big Mama working, kids going to school, kids homework and activities, housework, meals for eight people, dishwasher and washer/dryer constantly running. We had so many nitty gritty details to work out. Dinners consisted of the food left in my freezer.

I learned many things last week. I learned I really can stay awake from 5:30 am until 11:30 pm. (Previously I had been waking up from 5:30 am - 6:30 am with my older kids, then going back to sleep until my little guy woke up around 8:30am.) I learned that although I know I am a control freak, I learned just how MUCH of a control freak I am. I learned how strict I must seem to unsuspecting children. I learned how structured I must seem to unsuspecting Big Mama's. I learned how flexible (and inflexible) I am and can be.

I have also overlooked many things. I have overlooked the fact that my little guy, age 6, is probably acting up because most of his belongings are in boxes on a truck, he just moved out of the only home he can remember (we moved in when he was 6 months old), his dad has moved far away, and the rules in Big Mama's house are different than the rules at our house. He also went from being the youngest of four kids, to being the second youngest of six (seven if/when my college son comes here). All of this must be so confusing to him. I have overlooked that I should have better prepared him for this move and all the changes.

I had a chat with my daughters (ages 18 and 15). They were upset about the little kids coming into their room and touching their stuff. I told them since we were going to live here for four months, that I thought they should treat Big Mama's three kids like siblings, not like friends or neighbors. That means that sometimes the girls are super loving to Big Mama's kids, and other times...well, not so much. I decided that I too should treat Big Mama's kids like they were my kids, not daycare kids or neighbors . If I treat them kinder, more patiently than I treat my own kids, I am going to have a rebellion on my hands. I checked into some rules in Big Mama's house, told her some of mine, and we reached a verdict...rules are good. I have permission to yell, redirect, time-out, her kids. She has permission to do the same to mine. It is a hard thing to get used to. I used to teach preschool, and can handle the firm, but kind thing. To discipline someone else's kids is a funky feeling. But, we all are living together, it's best if kids know my limits, Big Mama's limits and what will happen if the limits are pushed. I have also found myself hollering at Big Mama's kids for the way they treat Big Mama. She is a hard working, single mom. She is tired and doing so much. Her kids take advantage of her exhaustion. It bothers me.

I enjoy the role of housewife. I enjoy it so much that I willingly have taken over the role at Big Mama's house. Part of me is so excited to have a "new" house to clean and organize, and have more kids to take care of. Part of me feels like I could potentially be digging a hole for Big Mama to climb out of when I move away from here in four months. I think I need to take a lesson from Jesus...perhaps I should teach Big Mama to fish instead of providing the fish. But, to pass on my neurosis about cleaning and list making...is that really fair?

Sunday, Big Mama and I agreed we needed groceries. We had previously discussed splitting the grocery bill, and sharing cooking duties. So, we headed to Sam's Club with the two youngest kids in tow. (My oldest daughter was at work and my other daughter stayed at the house with Big Mama's two oldest.) We (meaning Big Mama) put the two boys in the front seat of the cart. She pushed the cart around Sam's as I grabbed a few things on my list, and she grabbed a few things on her list. The real fun occurred as her and I discussed (sometimes loudly, sometimes from one end of the aisle to the other) which items we jointly needed or wanted and which items which children would or would not eat. After a few rounds of such discussion, we became slightly self conscious of this. We wondered what people were thinking, as we were also referring to each other as Big Mama and Little Mama. Now, we weren't afraid people would think of us as a couple, it's just that we aren't. We decided that looks our gay couple friends may sometimes get are sometimes uncomfortable. Of course, it may all really be like Dr. Phil says "You wouldn't care what people thought of you, if you realized how little they did." and nobody really thought anything. It could be that although we don't really care if people think Big Mama and I are a couple, it would be awkward, since we aren't. We are at this point, something though. We just aren't sure how to define two women living in the same house, sharing household duties, grocery bills and child rearing. When we got to checkout at Sam's, we asked the woman there to ring up my pile. Then Big Mama's pile. Then our pile, which we needed to pay with two forms of payment. I sure would like to know what the cashier was thinking. (If she was thinking anything.) I also wonder what the cable guy thought when he came over and both of us went to the door. We are surely providing the neighborhood something to talk about. We are also proving that although it may not always TAKE a village to raise a child, having someone have your back is really nice, and that family comes in all shapes, sizes and varieties.

Some notable fun parts...One morning Big Mama's two year olds diaper leaked overnight. He had been sleeping in her bed. I stripped her bed and washed the sheets for her. To do that, I had to first fold the laundry that was in the dryer. I told Big Mama not to be weirded out, but that I had folded her underwear. This led to a conversation about underwear choices and how I wore boring, white, cotton undies. Next thing I knew, she bought me three pairs of pretty undies. This Friday night for some reason, Big Mama, my 18 and 15 year olds and I were all wound up. We were dancing around the kitchen making dinner while the little kids played outside. We were laughing and joking and having a great time. I hope we have many more Friday nights like that. Saturday morning I was sewing a hole in my son's stuffed animal. Big Mama asked if I could repair a hole in one of her son's animals. This led to a wild goose chase looking for the holey critter. After several minutes, the two year old said "I show you Mama" and led her to the (second story) bedroom window. He had thrown out all the bedding, many stuffed animals, a few books, games, a piggy bank and any clothing that was around, all out the window. Dangerous and scary, for sure...but led to a few chuckles too. After Sam's Club, Big Mama, the little boys and I went through McDonald's drive thru. Big Mama grabbed the Diet Coke she was handed so hard, the top popped off and the entire thing spilled into her lap and all over her car. After cleaning that up, she dripped ketchup on her pants. After a hysterical bout of laughter I told her "I can't take my girlfriend anywhere." It's going to be a fun four months.

The New And Improved Brady Bunch

My house finally sold. It went on the market February 28, 2011 after my husband was transferred for work the month before. I needed a month to clean and "declutter" the house before the "For Sale" sign was posted.

I don't mind having the house on the market. I don't mind the showings, having random strangers wander around my house, opening closets and cabinets. I don't really mind the cleaning beforehand. Showings are disruptive and stressful and the cleaning is always rushed. But really, I don't mind...as long as the showings aren't during dinner time. Or before noon. Or on the weekends. OK, I actually hate every, single part of having my house on the market.

I had "decluttered" my house so well that we had no spring clothing out. Or games. Or movies. After six months of wearing the wrong season clothing, and being bored, I decided to unpack some of my clutter. We hired a different real estate agent, NOT a Realtor. (For the record, there IS a difference...Realtor's have a Code of Ethics they have to follow. This is an IMPORTANT difference. I speak from experience.)

Anyway, the house got an offer with all the clutter present. After six intense weeks of negotiations and packing, we closed on the house. My belongings are now all on a truck headed from Pennsylvania to Colorado. My husband is also heading for Colorado. He has been traveling between the two states for the last year, but will now remain in Colorado, awaiting our arrival. The kids and I will be staying in Pennsylvania until the end of the school year. My oldest daughter is a senior in high school and I wanted her to graduate with the people she has spent the last six years of school with. Well, and the high school in Colorado wouldn't let her graduate unless she was there for an entire semester, and that boat sailed around Thanksgiving.

So, we will head to Colorado in late June or early July. My daughter will have enough time to settle into her new bedroom, then pack to get ready for life in the dorms. Such adventures!

The dilemma became where would the kids and I hang our hats for the next four months? Apartment? That meant packing, moving, unpacking, twice. Hotel? Too expensive. Bum a couch from the neighbor? Perfect! (What? you've never considered that??)

I found a gracious neighbor (on the first try!) who allowed myself, three of my kids, AND my two cats to live with her and her, her three kids and her dog for FOUR, WHOLE, MONTHS! It's like we are remaking the Brady Bunch...two lovely ladies, one short and brown haired, one tall and blond. Six kids (ages 18, 15, almost 10, 7,6 and almost 3...plus one who might come home from college), two cats, a and dog. All we need is Alice.

My neighbor, A.K.A. Big Mama (she's the tall, blond one) works as a nurse, so I help with the kids before and after school. I also like to take over making dinner and the housework. I think I was a 1950's housewife in a former life. I'm just missing the pearls, an apron and fresh baked cookies. (And maybe a cocktail and cigarette. Oh, and I don't play Bridge...)

It's been a week with our new living arrangement. So far, so good. At least for me. Big Mama may see it differently. We barged into her life, bringing more chaos and cats. We have rearranged furniture. And closets. We took over two bedrooms, which meant her youngest got bumped into his brothers room (or Big Mama's bed...). We (and by "we" I mean "I") even rearranged her spice cabinet. Actually I MOVED the spices to a completely new and different location. I rearranged her laundry room. And Pantry. I should probably admit that I am slightly OCD about organization. I may also be somewhat of a control freak.

My neighbor is amazing for accepting us. I am not sure I would be so accepting and accommodating. I sure as heck wouldn't let anyone rearrange my spice cabinet. She and her kids have and will always hold a place in my life, and my heart.

Here is the New and Improved Brady Bunch Song...


Here's a story, of a short lady, who was overwhelmed with selling her house. She had four kids (one is in college) and two cats as well.

Here's a story, of a tall blond lady, who was living with three kids on her own. Then the bold, old, shorter lady, said "Can we please barge in?"

So the one day when the Shorty's moved in with the Tall-y's, they knew they were much more than a crowd. So this group of six kids and two mothers, decided they were a family. (A family, a family, (come on, sing a long!) that's the way, they became a fam-i-ly...)