I enjoy music. I enjoy singing along to the radio. I enjoy singing the words as I hear them, which means sometimes I get the words wrong. I rarely stop to think about the meaning of lyrics, or the mood of the song writer when the song was first written. I merely enjoy the beat of the music and hearing the words (as I hear them, not always as written.) So, all that gibberish leads me to this; I don't know what Adele is exactly singing about when she croons "Rolling In The Deep", but what I think of is life as I know it right now...and right now I am rolling in the deep crap.
Let's recap; my husband was transferred from Pittsburgh to Denver in January 2011. Our house went on the market in February of 2011 and it finally sold in March of 2012. My son goes to college in Georgia. My oldest daughter is a senior in high school. My next child is a freshman in high school and my youngest is in Kindergarten. My life is crazy all by it's self, without outside influences, but for the sake of this pity party, let's add some influences.
The high school in Denver said my daughter had to be in attendance for an entire semester before they would let her graduate. That meant she had to be there around Thanksgiving. So, when the house finally sold in March, we had no choice but to have her remain in Pittsburgh to have her graduate here. (Which was fine because that is what I wanted for her anyway...) BUT, staying meant I needed a place to live, with my kids, and my two cats. So, I started looking for rentals. Then I had this crazy idea...I asked my neighbor if we could move in with her and her kids and dog. Oh, I forgot to mention, my husband has been traveling back and forth between Pittsburgh and Denver since January 2011, and as of March 2012, he had to move there. Anyway, my neighbor was gracious enough to humor me and she let me, three kids and two cats move in with her, her three kids and her dog. It has been pure bliss for 10 weeks. Ok, maybe not bliss, but two moms, and six kids under one roof is tricky. It HAS been an easy transition though. My neighbor ("Big Mama") and I get along very well. We co-parent well. We have each other's backs. We always have someone to talk to, someone to help out. It has been very nice. (Except now there are four females 'synching' their monthly gift from Mother Nature. For that week we all roll in chocolate, tears and major attitude.)
This daughter (the oldest one) has had a sinus infection since October. She has been on several rounds of antibiotics. We have gone to allergists and E.N.T.'s. She still has a sinus infection. I hate seeing her feel sick. She thinks she is dying. I don't know what is wrong, or how to fix it, but I assure you, I think about it ALL THE TIME. I also think about how strange the house (when we someday have one again...) will be without two of my peeps in it.
A week before we closed on our house, my college aged son called to tell me he had just rolled his car three times down an embankment. He said he was fine, car was totaled. He had a pretty bad concussion for nearly a month. The amount of worry connected with this was inexplicable. The amount of stress I felt was through the roof. I seriously don't know how I have any hair left at all. That was two months ago. My son bought another car yesterday. I feel like I can't breathe, the worry, the concern. Add to that, I haven't seen him since Christmas. He couldn't come 'home' for the summer because we don't have a home. He doesn't know where he is going to live, or call 'home' after we move. He isn't sure where to title and license his new car. I have tremendous guilt over this. I feel like I have inadvertently kicked him out of the nest. If only he knew how much sleep I lose with the guilt, with the worry. I hate that we are moving so far from where he chose to go to college. I hate that he is growing up, even though that is what he is supposed to do. I like my birds in the nest with me. I like them to soar with the eagles by day, and nest with their mother at night.
My freshman age daughter asked to dye her hair pink. I let her. Her hair is really pink. I am self conscious about it. I don't want people to judge her based on her choice of hair color. She is not doing so well in a couple of her classes. I worry that she will have trouble adjusting to the move. I worry that her grades here will prohibit her from getting the classes she wants at the new school. She said her grades are poor because she hasn't been turning in home work. Then she asks when she can have a cell phone. Hmm, why can't she see the correlation between behavior and rewards/consequences? I feel guilty that everyone has a cell phone except her. She lays on the guilt trip about being able to stay in touch with her friends here when we move. I can see that without a cell phone it will be tricky. Oh, and without the facebook that I took away. Guess she may have to go old school and use a real phone, or God forbid, pen and paper.
My husband is choosing the house we will buy in Denver. I am admittingly, a control freak. This is a hard thing to give up, choosing a house to live in. I just can't tear myself away from my kids here, and Big Mama's kids, long enough to look for a house. Trying to organize things here for a week long house hunting trip seems overwhelming, something had to give...this was a big something.
My brain hurts seeing all this in print. All the things I am rolling in. The ingredients to my pity party. Of course, that all adds to my guilt. My life is good. I have healthy, pretty happy kids. They are smart and funny and polite. They are growing up and doing what they are supposed to do, becoming who they are supposed to be. I have a husband who goes to work everyday and brings home a paycheck that supports all of us. I have Big Mama who opened her home to us for four months. Life is good.
Time to be the rock, and set aside the rolling.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Yours, Mine and Ours
Yesterday was the start of week three of "Adventures with Big Mama". We celebrated by going to Sam's Club. I'll get back to that...but let me catch you up a bit first.
Our first week here, my husband was also here. Our house hadn't closed yet, but it was mostly packed, so it just was easier to stay at Big Mama's. She and my husband got up in the morning and went to work, I got all the kids off to school, then went back to my house (four doors away) and finished packing my belongings. After school I got the kids off the buses and headed back to Big Mama's to start dinner. The week ended with the closing on the sale of our house, and us officially being "homeless".
The second week of our stay started with my husband moving to Denver. The rest of the week is a blur. Constant movement of Big Mama working, kids going to school, kids homework and activities, housework, meals for eight people, dishwasher and washer/dryer constantly running. We had so many nitty gritty details to work out. Dinners consisted of the food left in my freezer.
I learned many things last week. I learned I really can stay awake from 5:30 am until 11:30 pm. (Previously I had been waking up from 5:30 am - 6:30 am with my older kids, then going back to sleep until my little guy woke up around 8:30am.) I learned that although I know I am a control freak, I learned just how MUCH of a control freak I am. I learned how strict I must seem to unsuspecting children. I learned how structured I must seem to unsuspecting Big Mama's. I learned how flexible (and inflexible) I am and can be.
I have also overlooked many things. I have overlooked the fact that my little guy, age 6, is probably acting up because most of his belongings are in boxes on a truck, he just moved out of the only home he can remember (we moved in when he was 6 months old), his dad has moved far away, and the rules in Big Mama's house are different than the rules at our house. He also went from being the youngest of four kids, to being the second youngest of six (seven if/when my college son comes here). All of this must be so confusing to him. I have overlooked that I should have better prepared him for this move and all the changes.
I had a chat with my daughters (ages 18 and 15). They were upset about the little kids coming into their room and touching their stuff. I told them since we were going to live here for four months, that I thought they should treat Big Mama's three kids like siblings, not like friends or neighbors. That means that sometimes the girls are super loving to Big Mama's kids, and other times...well, not so much. I decided that I too should treat Big Mama's kids like they were my kids, not daycare kids or neighbors . If I treat them kinder, more patiently than I treat my own kids, I am going to have a rebellion on my hands. I checked into some rules in Big Mama's house, told her some of mine, and we reached a verdict...rules are good. I have permission to yell, redirect, time-out, her kids. She has permission to do the same to mine. It is a hard thing to get used to. I used to teach preschool, and can handle the firm, but kind thing. To discipline someone else's kids is a funky feeling. But, we all are living together, it's best if kids know my limits, Big Mama's limits and what will happen if the limits are pushed. I have also found myself hollering at Big Mama's kids for the way they treat Big Mama. She is a hard working, single mom. She is tired and doing so much. Her kids take advantage of her exhaustion. It bothers me.
I enjoy the role of housewife. I enjoy it so much that I willingly have taken over the role at Big Mama's house. Part of me is so excited to have a "new" house to clean and organize, and have more kids to take care of. Part of me feels like I could potentially be digging a hole for Big Mama to climb out of when I move away from here in four months. I think I need to take a lesson from Jesus...perhaps I should teach Big Mama to fish instead of providing the fish. But, to pass on my neurosis about cleaning and list making...is that really fair?
Sunday, Big Mama and I agreed we needed groceries. We had previously discussed splitting the grocery bill, and sharing cooking duties. So, we headed to Sam's Club with the two youngest kids in tow. (My oldest daughter was at work and my other daughter stayed at the house with Big Mama's two oldest.) We (meaning Big Mama) put the two boys in the front seat of the cart. She pushed the cart around Sam's as I grabbed a few things on my list, and she grabbed a few things on her list. The real fun occurred as her and I discussed (sometimes loudly, sometimes from one end of the aisle to the other) which items we jointly needed or wanted and which items which children would or would not eat. After a few rounds of such discussion, we became slightly self conscious of this. We wondered what people were thinking, as we were also referring to each other as Big Mama and Little Mama. Now, we weren't afraid people would think of us as a couple, it's just that we aren't. We decided that looks our gay couple friends may sometimes get are sometimes uncomfortable. Of course, it may all really be like Dr. Phil says "You wouldn't care what people thought of you, if you realized how little they did." and nobody really thought anything. It could be that although we don't really care if people think Big Mama and I are a couple, it would be awkward, since we aren't. We are at this point, something though. We just aren't sure how to define two women living in the same house, sharing household duties, grocery bills and child rearing. When we got to checkout at Sam's, we asked the woman there to ring up my pile. Then Big Mama's pile. Then our pile, which we needed to pay with two forms of payment. I sure would like to know what the cashier was thinking. (If she was thinking anything.) I also wonder what the cable guy thought when he came over and both of us went to the door. We are surely providing the neighborhood something to talk about. We are also proving that although it may not always TAKE a village to raise a child, having someone have your back is really nice, and that family comes in all shapes, sizes and varieties.
Some notable fun parts...One morning Big Mama's two year olds diaper leaked overnight. He had been sleeping in her bed. I stripped her bed and washed the sheets for her. To do that, I had to first fold the laundry that was in the dryer. I told Big Mama not to be weirded out, but that I had folded her underwear. This led to a conversation about underwear choices and how I wore boring, white, cotton undies. Next thing I knew, she bought me three pairs of pretty undies. This Friday night for some reason, Big Mama, my 18 and 15 year olds and I were all wound up. We were dancing around the kitchen making dinner while the little kids played outside. We were laughing and joking and having a great time. I hope we have many more Friday nights like that. Saturday morning I was sewing a hole in my son's stuffed animal. Big Mama asked if I could repair a hole in one of her son's animals. This led to a wild goose chase looking for the holey critter. After several minutes, the two year old said "I show you Mama" and led her to the (second story) bedroom window. He had thrown out all the bedding, many stuffed animals, a few books, games, a piggy bank and any clothing that was around, all out the window. Dangerous and scary, for sure...but led to a few chuckles too. After Sam's Club, Big Mama, the little boys and I went through McDonald's drive thru. Big Mama grabbed the Diet Coke she was handed so hard, the top popped off and the entire thing spilled into her lap and all over her car. After cleaning that up, she dripped ketchup on her pants. After a hysterical bout of laughter I told her "I can't take my girlfriend anywhere." It's going to be a fun four months.
Our first week here, my husband was also here. Our house hadn't closed yet, but it was mostly packed, so it just was easier to stay at Big Mama's. She and my husband got up in the morning and went to work, I got all the kids off to school, then went back to my house (four doors away) and finished packing my belongings. After school I got the kids off the buses and headed back to Big Mama's to start dinner. The week ended with the closing on the sale of our house, and us officially being "homeless".
The second week of our stay started with my husband moving to Denver. The rest of the week is a blur. Constant movement of Big Mama working, kids going to school, kids homework and activities, housework, meals for eight people, dishwasher and washer/dryer constantly running. We had so many nitty gritty details to work out. Dinners consisted of the food left in my freezer.
I learned many things last week. I learned I really can stay awake from 5:30 am until 11:30 pm. (Previously I had been waking up from 5:30 am - 6:30 am with my older kids, then going back to sleep until my little guy woke up around 8:30am.) I learned that although I know I am a control freak, I learned just how MUCH of a control freak I am. I learned how strict I must seem to unsuspecting children. I learned how structured I must seem to unsuspecting Big Mama's. I learned how flexible (and inflexible) I am and can be.
I have also overlooked many things. I have overlooked the fact that my little guy, age 6, is probably acting up because most of his belongings are in boxes on a truck, he just moved out of the only home he can remember (we moved in when he was 6 months old), his dad has moved far away, and the rules in Big Mama's house are different than the rules at our house. He also went from being the youngest of four kids, to being the second youngest of six (seven if/when my college son comes here). All of this must be so confusing to him. I have overlooked that I should have better prepared him for this move and all the changes.
I had a chat with my daughters (ages 18 and 15). They were upset about the little kids coming into their room and touching their stuff. I told them since we were going to live here for four months, that I thought they should treat Big Mama's three kids like siblings, not like friends or neighbors. That means that sometimes the girls are super loving to Big Mama's kids, and other times...well, not so much. I decided that I too should treat Big Mama's kids like they were my kids, not daycare kids or neighbors . If I treat them kinder, more patiently than I treat my own kids, I am going to have a rebellion on my hands. I checked into some rules in Big Mama's house, told her some of mine, and we reached a verdict...rules are good. I have permission to yell, redirect, time-out, her kids. She has permission to do the same to mine. It is a hard thing to get used to. I used to teach preschool, and can handle the firm, but kind thing. To discipline someone else's kids is a funky feeling. But, we all are living together, it's best if kids know my limits, Big Mama's limits and what will happen if the limits are pushed. I have also found myself hollering at Big Mama's kids for the way they treat Big Mama. She is a hard working, single mom. She is tired and doing so much. Her kids take advantage of her exhaustion. It bothers me.
I enjoy the role of housewife. I enjoy it so much that I willingly have taken over the role at Big Mama's house. Part of me is so excited to have a "new" house to clean and organize, and have more kids to take care of. Part of me feels like I could potentially be digging a hole for Big Mama to climb out of when I move away from here in four months. I think I need to take a lesson from Jesus...perhaps I should teach Big Mama to fish instead of providing the fish. But, to pass on my neurosis about cleaning and list making...is that really fair?
Sunday, Big Mama and I agreed we needed groceries. We had previously discussed splitting the grocery bill, and sharing cooking duties. So, we headed to Sam's Club with the two youngest kids in tow. (My oldest daughter was at work and my other daughter stayed at the house with Big Mama's two oldest.) We (meaning Big Mama) put the two boys in the front seat of the cart. She pushed the cart around Sam's as I grabbed a few things on my list, and she grabbed a few things on her list. The real fun occurred as her and I discussed (sometimes loudly, sometimes from one end of the aisle to the other) which items we jointly needed or wanted and which items which children would or would not eat. After a few rounds of such discussion, we became slightly self conscious of this. We wondered what people were thinking, as we were also referring to each other as Big Mama and Little Mama. Now, we weren't afraid people would think of us as a couple, it's just that we aren't. We decided that looks our gay couple friends may sometimes get are sometimes uncomfortable. Of course, it may all really be like Dr. Phil says "You wouldn't care what people thought of you, if you realized how little they did." and nobody really thought anything. It could be that although we don't really care if people think Big Mama and I are a couple, it would be awkward, since we aren't. We are at this point, something though. We just aren't sure how to define two women living in the same house, sharing household duties, grocery bills and child rearing. When we got to checkout at Sam's, we asked the woman there to ring up my pile. Then Big Mama's pile. Then our pile, which we needed to pay with two forms of payment. I sure would like to know what the cashier was thinking. (If she was thinking anything.) I also wonder what the cable guy thought when he came over and both of us went to the door. We are surely providing the neighborhood something to talk about. We are also proving that although it may not always TAKE a village to raise a child, having someone have your back is really nice, and that family comes in all shapes, sizes and varieties.
Some notable fun parts...One morning Big Mama's two year olds diaper leaked overnight. He had been sleeping in her bed. I stripped her bed and washed the sheets for her. To do that, I had to first fold the laundry that was in the dryer. I told Big Mama not to be weirded out, but that I had folded her underwear. This led to a conversation about underwear choices and how I wore boring, white, cotton undies. Next thing I knew, she bought me three pairs of pretty undies. This Friday night for some reason, Big Mama, my 18 and 15 year olds and I were all wound up. We were dancing around the kitchen making dinner while the little kids played outside. We were laughing and joking and having a great time. I hope we have many more Friday nights like that. Saturday morning I was sewing a hole in my son's stuffed animal. Big Mama asked if I could repair a hole in one of her son's animals. This led to a wild goose chase looking for the holey critter. After several minutes, the two year old said "I show you Mama" and led her to the (second story) bedroom window. He had thrown out all the bedding, many stuffed animals, a few books, games, a piggy bank and any clothing that was around, all out the window. Dangerous and scary, for sure...but led to a few chuckles too. After Sam's Club, Big Mama, the little boys and I went through McDonald's drive thru. Big Mama grabbed the Diet Coke she was handed so hard, the top popped off and the entire thing spilled into her lap and all over her car. After cleaning that up, she dripped ketchup on her pants. After a hysterical bout of laughter I told her "I can't take my girlfriend anywhere." It's going to be a fun four months.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
The New And Improved Brady Bunch
My house finally sold. It went on the market February 28, 2011 after my husband was transferred for work the month before. I needed a month to clean and "declutter" the house before the "For Sale" sign was posted.
I don't mind having the house on the market. I don't mind the showings, having random strangers wander around my house, opening closets and cabinets. I don't really mind the cleaning beforehand. Showings are disruptive and stressful and the cleaning is always rushed. But really, I don't mind...as long as the showings aren't during dinner time. Or before noon. Or on the weekends. OK, I actually hate every, single part of having my house on the market.
I had "decluttered" my house so well that we had no spring clothing out. Or games. Or movies. After six months of wearing the wrong season clothing, and being bored, I decided to unpack some of my clutter. We hired a different real estate agent, NOT a Realtor. (For the record, there IS a difference...Realtor's have a Code of Ethics they have to follow. This is an IMPORTANT difference. I speak from experience.)
Anyway, the house got an offer with all the clutter present. After six intense weeks of negotiations and packing, we closed on the house. My belongings are now all on a truck headed from Pennsylvania to Colorado. My husband is also heading for Colorado. He has been traveling between the two states for the last year, but will now remain in Colorado, awaiting our arrival. The kids and I will be staying in Pennsylvania until the end of the school year. My oldest daughter is a senior in high school and I wanted her to graduate with the people she has spent the last six years of school with. Well, and the high school in Colorado wouldn't let her graduate unless she was there for an entire semester, and that boat sailed around Thanksgiving.
So, we will head to Colorado in late June or early July. My daughter will have enough time to settle into her new bedroom, then pack to get ready for life in the dorms. Such adventures!
The dilemma became where would the kids and I hang our hats for the next four months? Apartment? That meant packing, moving, unpacking, twice. Hotel? Too expensive. Bum a couch from the neighbor? Perfect! (What? you've never considered that??)
I found a gracious neighbor (on the first try!) who allowed myself, three of my kids, AND my two cats to live with her and her, her three kids and her dog for FOUR, WHOLE, MONTHS! It's like we are remaking the Brady Bunch...two lovely ladies, one short and brown haired, one tall and blond. Six kids (ages 18, 15, almost 10, 7,6 and almost 3...plus one who might come home from college), two cats, a and dog. All we need is Alice.
My neighbor, A.K.A. Big Mama (she's the tall, blond one) works as a nurse, so I help with the kids before and after school. I also like to take over making dinner and the housework. I think I was a 1950's housewife in a former life. I'm just missing the pearls, an apron and fresh baked cookies. (And maybe a cocktail and cigarette. Oh, and I don't play Bridge...)
It's been a week with our new living arrangement. So far, so good. At least for me. Big Mama may see it differently. We barged into her life, bringing more chaos and cats. We have rearranged furniture. And closets. We took over two bedrooms, which meant her youngest got bumped into his brothers room (or Big Mama's bed...). We (and by "we" I mean "I") even rearranged her spice cabinet. Actually I MOVED the spices to a completely new and different location. I rearranged her laundry room. And Pantry. I should probably admit that I am slightly OCD about organization. I may also be somewhat of a control freak.
My neighbor is amazing for accepting us. I am not sure I would be so accepting and accommodating. I sure as heck wouldn't let anyone rearrange my spice cabinet. She and her kids have and will always hold a place in my life, and my heart.
Here is the New and Improved Brady Bunch Song...
Here's a story, of a short lady, who was overwhelmed with selling her house. She had four kids (one is in college) and two cats as well.
Here's a story, of a tall blond lady, who was living with three kids on her own. Then the bold, old, shorter lady, said "Can we please barge in?"
So the one day when the Shorty's moved in with the Tall-y's, they knew they were much more than a crowd. So this group of six kids and two mothers, decided they were a family. (A family, a family, (come on, sing a long!) that's the way, they became a fam-i-ly...)
I don't mind having the house on the market. I don't mind the showings, having random strangers wander around my house, opening closets and cabinets. I don't really mind the cleaning beforehand. Showings are disruptive and stressful and the cleaning is always rushed. But really, I don't mind...as long as the showings aren't during dinner time. Or before noon. Or on the weekends. OK, I actually hate every, single part of having my house on the market.
I had "decluttered" my house so well that we had no spring clothing out. Or games. Or movies. After six months of wearing the wrong season clothing, and being bored, I decided to unpack some of my clutter. We hired a different real estate agent, NOT a Realtor. (For the record, there IS a difference...Realtor's have a Code of Ethics they have to follow. This is an IMPORTANT difference. I speak from experience.)
Anyway, the house got an offer with all the clutter present. After six intense weeks of negotiations and packing, we closed on the house. My belongings are now all on a truck headed from Pennsylvania to Colorado. My husband is also heading for Colorado. He has been traveling between the two states for the last year, but will now remain in Colorado, awaiting our arrival. The kids and I will be staying in Pennsylvania until the end of the school year. My oldest daughter is a senior in high school and I wanted her to graduate with the people she has spent the last six years of school with. Well, and the high school in Colorado wouldn't let her graduate unless she was there for an entire semester, and that boat sailed around Thanksgiving.
So, we will head to Colorado in late June or early July. My daughter will have enough time to settle into her new bedroom, then pack to get ready for life in the dorms. Such adventures!
The dilemma became where would the kids and I hang our hats for the next four months? Apartment? That meant packing, moving, unpacking, twice. Hotel? Too expensive. Bum a couch from the neighbor? Perfect! (What? you've never considered that??)
I found a gracious neighbor (on the first try!) who allowed myself, three of my kids, AND my two cats to live with her and her, her three kids and her dog for FOUR, WHOLE, MONTHS! It's like we are remaking the Brady Bunch...two lovely ladies, one short and brown haired, one tall and blond. Six kids (ages 18, 15, almost 10, 7,6 and almost 3...plus one who might come home from college), two cats, a and dog. All we need is Alice.
My neighbor, A.K.A. Big Mama (she's the tall, blond one) works as a nurse, so I help with the kids before and after school. I also like to take over making dinner and the housework. I think I was a 1950's housewife in a former life. I'm just missing the pearls, an apron and fresh baked cookies. (And maybe a cocktail and cigarette. Oh, and I don't play Bridge...)
It's been a week with our new living arrangement. So far, so good. At least for me. Big Mama may see it differently. We barged into her life, bringing more chaos and cats. We have rearranged furniture. And closets. We took over two bedrooms, which meant her youngest got bumped into his brothers room (or Big Mama's bed...). We (and by "we" I mean "I") even rearranged her spice cabinet. Actually I MOVED the spices to a completely new and different location. I rearranged her laundry room. And Pantry. I should probably admit that I am slightly OCD about organization. I may also be somewhat of a control freak.
My neighbor is amazing for accepting us. I am not sure I would be so accepting and accommodating. I sure as heck wouldn't let anyone rearrange my spice cabinet. She and her kids have and will always hold a place in my life, and my heart.
Here is the New and Improved Brady Bunch Song...
Here's a story, of a short lady, who was overwhelmed with selling her house. She had four kids (one is in college) and two cats as well.
Here's a story, of a tall blond lady, who was living with three kids on her own. Then the bold, old, shorter lady, said "Can we please barge in?"
So the one day when the Shorty's moved in with the Tall-y's, they knew they were much more than a crowd. So this group of six kids and two mothers, decided they were a family. (A family, a family, (come on, sing a long!) that's the way, they became a fam-i-ly...)
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sticks and Stones
When I was a kid, all the parents taught their kids to say "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." It wasn't exactly true, the words still hurt your feelings, but the thought is a nice one, that words can't hurt you.
The technology of today has many, many benefits. It helps in all areas of our daily lives. Technology also has it's down side. Spoken words can hurt feelings, but they are usually said once, maybe in anger or in teasing. Typed words are repeated over and over and over. Typed words tend to be harsher than spoken words. It's easier to say harsh words in type than it is to say those words face to face.
My daughter is a freshman in high school. Yesterday a friend of hers committed suicide. It seems this boy was bullied. Bullying isn't something new, it happens in communities all over. You hear the stories on the news. It's sad. It's not right. Freshman should not be going to funerals for friends.
Are we as parents so busy with our daily life that we don't realize our kids are hurting? Are we so distracted that we don't notice our kids harassing another kid? Have we as a society put such a stigma on asking for help, that kids simply try to handle things themselves? Have we given our kids so much, so instantly, that they want a quick solution to end their teenage pain? Have we allowed teasing to go so far that kids feel tortured? We need to find a solution. Too many young people are mistreating others. Too many young people are ending their lives too early.
Sticks and stones will most definitely break bones. But what we are learning is that words can kill. Choose your words carefully. Hug your kids. Tell the people in your life you love them.
The technology of today has many, many benefits. It helps in all areas of our daily lives. Technology also has it's down side. Spoken words can hurt feelings, but they are usually said once, maybe in anger or in teasing. Typed words are repeated over and over and over. Typed words tend to be harsher than spoken words. It's easier to say harsh words in type than it is to say those words face to face.
My daughter is a freshman in high school. Yesterday a friend of hers committed suicide. It seems this boy was bullied. Bullying isn't something new, it happens in communities all over. You hear the stories on the news. It's sad. It's not right. Freshman should not be going to funerals for friends.
Are we as parents so busy with our daily life that we don't realize our kids are hurting? Are we so distracted that we don't notice our kids harassing another kid? Have we as a society put such a stigma on asking for help, that kids simply try to handle things themselves? Have we given our kids so much, so instantly, that they want a quick solution to end their teenage pain? Have we allowed teasing to go so far that kids feel tortured? We need to find a solution. Too many young people are mistreating others. Too many young people are ending their lives too early.
Sticks and stones will most definitely break bones. But what we are learning is that words can kill. Choose your words carefully. Hug your kids. Tell the people in your life you love them.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
A Tale of Two Colleges
Once upon a time, a young girl, full of wonder, hopes and dreams, spent hours thinking about her future. She thought about getting married and having a family. She thought about the family growing up. She thought about her children's milestones. She thought about their first steps, first teeth, losing those teeth, riding a bike, first kisses, first heartbreaks, high school graduations, and heading to college.
What this young girl never thought about were road blocks. Or detours.
Once upon a more recent time, the young girl became an older woman. She had a young lady of her own. This young lady was filed with intelligence, determination and dreams. This young lady was named Morgan. She has a smile that was infectious. She had brains and beauty. She wanted it all and I could see no reason why she shouldn't have it all. Of course, this would make a weak story...
Morgan grew up quickly, even for a fairy tale. She suddenly turned 18 and was in her last year of high school. Her father had a good job. He worked hard to provide for the family. He worked so hard that his company thought he could be of better use in another town, all the way across the countryside from where his family currently resided. Now this little family was always up for an adventure! However, the timing of this adventure was tricky.
Morgan had spent much of her energy in the community. She wanted (and deserved) to be celebrated in this community for her high school graduation. Although Morgan is a friendly soul and makes new friends quickly, now was not the right time to do so. The move to a new village could jeopardize this celebration. This move also complicated the desire to go to college.
As you may know, college is a competitive market. There are many, many choices. Choosing a college has many factors. College size, male to female ratio, cost, location, and available studies need to be considered. Now, our fair maiden had chosen a college, a very good fit for her, in her current little countryside. It had everything she was looking for...but it was in the old countryside, not the new village. This perfect little college was now no longer a feasible choice.
While all this graduation and college thought was going on, the hard working king of the family had to move without his family to the new village. He established residency in the new village in an attempt to assist the fair maiden Morgan in choosing a college in the new village.
After some negotiating, list making, phone calls, video viewing and soul searching, the maiden decided to apply to two colleges in the new village. We will call them "Plan B" and "The Back-up Plan".
The Back-up Plan responded quickly to her application. They noticed her good grades and gave her a scholarship. Morgan was happy. Then we looked at a map and saw that The Back-up Plan was over the river and through the woods and then past the Troll bridge. It was at least a half day's journey from our new village. We also noticed that the Back-up Plan considered Morgan an outsider, not a member of the village, so they wanted to have her pay extra riches to attend.
At this point, the very loyal, very organized Queen, the mother of Morgan, sent a messenger to The Back-up Plan explaining the series of (unfortunate) events that had led us to the doors of The Back-up Plan. She explained how the King has been living in the village for quite some time even though his adoring family lived across the way, awaiting their home to be purchased by another beautiful family. The Back-up Plan was very kind. They were very helpful. They saw the predicament the young maiden was in and agreed to only take the typical amount of riches from a family from the village, not the inflated amount of riches from an outsider family. This brought a good deal of joy to the family.
Now, Plan B took longer to answer the maiden's application. In fact, it took several messengers and telegrams to get Plan B to respond at all. After what seemed like an entire harvest season, the maiden finally heard that Plan B was also interested in her attendance at their University. This was very good news! But, as happened previously, she soon realized that Plan B also wanted to charge her many more riches than the average villager because Plan B felt Morgan was an outsider.
The lovely Queen once again sent a messenger. She explained to Plan B the turmoil in the family's life. She explained the actions The Back-up Plan had taken. She hoped Plan B would be able to see the quandary surrounding this fair maiden and see that her family had taken every possible step to ensure the maiden would be a villager by the time classes started. Plan B was not so friendly. Plan B has lots of hoops and dances and paperwork that needed to be sorted out and worked through before they would consider investigating the family's plea to be considered a villager so that the fair maiden can attend Plan B. Have I yet mentioned that Plan B is where the young maiden would really like to go? Have I mentioned that Plan B is merely a hop, skip and a jump plus a rocks throw from the new village?
In the end,regardless of Plan B's decision, the fair maiden Morgan, her siblings, the hardworking King and the lovely Queen, will all live happily ever after. Morgan will still be attending college. We just don't know the distance she will need to travel and the extent of riches we will need to accumulate to get her there.
In this fairy tale we have learned that there is never a "right" time. That things worthwhile are never easy. That every detour and road block is a learning experience. Mostly we have considered how very much the lovely Queen will miss the fair maiden as she continues her journey towards her own dreams.
What this young girl never thought about were road blocks. Or detours.
Once upon a more recent time, the young girl became an older woman. She had a young lady of her own. This young lady was filed with intelligence, determination and dreams. This young lady was named Morgan. She has a smile that was infectious. She had brains and beauty. She wanted it all and I could see no reason why she shouldn't have it all. Of course, this would make a weak story...
Morgan grew up quickly, even for a fairy tale. She suddenly turned 18 and was in her last year of high school. Her father had a good job. He worked hard to provide for the family. He worked so hard that his company thought he could be of better use in another town, all the way across the countryside from where his family currently resided. Now this little family was always up for an adventure! However, the timing of this adventure was tricky.
Morgan had spent much of her energy in the community. She wanted (and deserved) to be celebrated in this community for her high school graduation. Although Morgan is a friendly soul and makes new friends quickly, now was not the right time to do so. The move to a new village could jeopardize this celebration. This move also complicated the desire to go to college.
As you may know, college is a competitive market. There are many, many choices. Choosing a college has many factors. College size, male to female ratio, cost, location, and available studies need to be considered. Now, our fair maiden had chosen a college, a very good fit for her, in her current little countryside. It had everything she was looking for...but it was in the old countryside, not the new village. This perfect little college was now no longer a feasible choice.
While all this graduation and college thought was going on, the hard working king of the family had to move without his family to the new village. He established residency in the new village in an attempt to assist the fair maiden Morgan in choosing a college in the new village.
After some negotiating, list making, phone calls, video viewing and soul searching, the maiden decided to apply to two colleges in the new village. We will call them "Plan B" and "The Back-up Plan".
The Back-up Plan responded quickly to her application. They noticed her good grades and gave her a scholarship. Morgan was happy. Then we looked at a map and saw that The Back-up Plan was over the river and through the woods and then past the Troll bridge. It was at least a half day's journey from our new village. We also noticed that the Back-up Plan considered Morgan an outsider, not a member of the village, so they wanted to have her pay extra riches to attend.
At this point, the very loyal, very organized Queen, the mother of Morgan, sent a messenger to The Back-up Plan explaining the series of (unfortunate) events that had led us to the doors of The Back-up Plan. She explained how the King has been living in the village for quite some time even though his adoring family lived across the way, awaiting their home to be purchased by another beautiful family. The Back-up Plan was very kind. They were very helpful. They saw the predicament the young maiden was in and agreed to only take the typical amount of riches from a family from the village, not the inflated amount of riches from an outsider family. This brought a good deal of joy to the family.
Now, Plan B took longer to answer the maiden's application. In fact, it took several messengers and telegrams to get Plan B to respond at all. After what seemed like an entire harvest season, the maiden finally heard that Plan B was also interested in her attendance at their University. This was very good news! But, as happened previously, she soon realized that Plan B also wanted to charge her many more riches than the average villager because Plan B felt Morgan was an outsider.
The lovely Queen once again sent a messenger. She explained to Plan B the turmoil in the family's life. She explained the actions The Back-up Plan had taken. She hoped Plan B would be able to see the quandary surrounding this fair maiden and see that her family had taken every possible step to ensure the maiden would be a villager by the time classes started. Plan B was not so friendly. Plan B has lots of hoops and dances and paperwork that needed to be sorted out and worked through before they would consider investigating the family's plea to be considered a villager so that the fair maiden can attend Plan B. Have I yet mentioned that Plan B is where the young maiden would really like to go? Have I mentioned that Plan B is merely a hop, skip and a jump plus a rocks throw from the new village?
In the end,regardless of Plan B's decision, the fair maiden Morgan, her siblings, the hardworking King and the lovely Queen, will all live happily ever after. Morgan will still be attending college. We just don't know the distance she will need to travel and the extent of riches we will need to accumulate to get her there.
In this fairy tale we have learned that there is never a "right" time. That things worthwhile are never easy. That every detour and road block is a learning experience. Mostly we have considered how very much the lovely Queen will miss the fair maiden as she continues her journey towards her own dreams.
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