I woke up yesterday morning with SO much energy. It's very unusual for me. The house was quiet, so I painted my nails, shaved my legs, ironed a bit, tidied up the house. Around 11 a.m. a friend from high school called. We hadn't talked for awhile, so it was good to hear from her. We talked for about 3 hours! When I hung up the phone I felt a strange twinge in my stomach. Oh, I should mention I am 39 weeks pregnant. My due date is 4 days away.
By 3 p.m., the twinges were occurring every 20 minutes. This was my first pregnancy. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what to do. I ate a light dinner. My husband went to bed at 10 p.m. At 11 p.m., I decided to try to sleep. The problem was that in the dark and silence of night, the twinges felt stronger. I was starting to get a bit nervous. Maybe even scared. At 11:30 p.m., I called my Dr. He said to wait until contractions were closer together. Well, I decided to take a shower. Then I packed my bags. Then I woke up my husband. We went to the hospital. I asked them to either send me home, or admit me. I didn't want to be there for hours, then dismissed. I had heard several women from Lamaze class talk about that. I didn't want that to happen to me. By 1 a.m., I was admitted.
I had an excellent student nurse, Jeanne. She kept me full of ice chips. I had an epidural. After 22 hours of "twinges", I finally was pushing out this person (we didn't know yet if it was a boy or girl) into my life. I was moments away from meeting the person who would make me a Mom. Twenty minutes later, I said "Hi D.J.". Mind you, his cord was not cut yet. I'm not even sure his feet were out yet. What struck me at that moment was a huge wave of exhaustion, a desperate need for a Diet Coke, and overwhelming joy. I sobbed. I smiled. I laughed. I was ready to do it over again. It was incredible. The next thing that struck me was I just called my son (doesn't that sound good? "my son") "D.J." I had wanted to name a boy "Garth". We had talked about POSSIBLY naming a boy after my husband and father-in-law, and calling him D.J. I was still leaning towards Garth. I was so surprised that I called him D.J., but it stuck. He was my D.J. He was my son.
We spent two nights in the hospital. I was over joyed. I can't remember a time I was ever so happy! When we took him home, we changed his diaper. He had been circumcised that morning. He looked sore. I cried. I squeezed some Vaseline on it. My husband took the tube and said "That's not enough" and squeezed a bunch more. Next thing you know, D.J.'s eye lids had pools of pee on them. Oh man did we laugh!
It's hard to believe this was all 18 years ago. Yes, my son, my D.J. turned 18 today.
I have had several hairstyles in eighteen years. My weight has changed. My style of dressing has changed. I have had 7 different jobs, done daycare for over 20 kids, been to Disneyworld twice. I have been to Germany and Paris, France. I've been a Bridesmaid three times. I know that time has passed. But to be the Mother of an 18 yr. old? It is hard to believe.
I have learned the in's and outs of Cub Scouts. I know the name of Pokemon characters. I build a mean Lego car. I have been knee deep in Mighty Beans and G.I.Joes. I have read all the Harry Potter books (over and over and over)and have watched "101 Dalmatians" hundreds of times. We have laughed and cried. O.K., he makes me laugh and cry. He made me a Mom. He has taught me pretty well. I do tend to be a rebellious student though, I often refuse to do the homework. If I do the homework, it means my son will grow more. I want him to stay little.
He has had tubes in his ears for multiple ear infections. He had his wisdom teeth removed. He has had 2 rather nasty broken arms (and 2 not so nasty broken arms too). He has had 3 surgeries on his arm and still needs one more. My son. My son who now is getting ready to graduate from High School. Then he plans on joining the military. It's so hard to believe.
My son, D.J., is smart. He is funny, witty. He is brave, unbelievably brave. He is responsible, well, unless he is swallowing straight pins or trying to light bleach on fire! This day should be all about him, his accomplishments. I keep thinking though about all the things I haven't done for him, with him. Have I done enough? I wanted to bake him cookies after school. I wanted to have Family Game Nights every week. I wanted to belong to a church. Have I done enough? My son is 18, have I done enough? It's hard to believe, but impossible to deny anymore. My son is 18.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
What got my panties in a bunch today
I have decided I am running for our school board. I have been on PTO boards for years and it's time to move on up. I am not popular on these types of boards. I am the voice of students, of common sense. Most school board and PTO members are the voice of money, questioning how to get more. It irritates me.
The problem here is that our state law is for school to be in session for 180 days per school year. What this REALLY means is that one attendance is taken, the school day counts. Any days a school board puts on the calendar more than the necessary 180 is worth more money to the district. Many schools plan for over 180 days. This year our school planned on 189 days. We have 2 days for Spring Break. We had 3 days over Thanksgiving. We start around August 25th each year and go through about June 5th each year. My complaint is this, we have had 4 snow days this week. Our county is under a State of Emergency. We need to make up at least 2 of these snow days. But, what really irritates me is that after 4 days off, they have school on Friday. Well, they have a 2 hour delay on Friday which means 30 minute class periods. Monday is a Holiday, no school. Tel me, how much learning will happen today? Four days off, 30 minute class periods, three day weekend. Today is a waste of energy for teachers, students, and all other school workers. But, kids were there for attendance, so the district gets their money. Money is more important than learning today. Money is more important than safety today too. Our streets are not plowed wide enough for kids to walk on while a car drives past. So, my kids are walking to the bus stop on icy streets, covered in 3 inches of slush. If they encounter a passing car they will either get splashed by slush, or they can stand in a snow bank. Did I mention we have about 30+ inches of snow? The school posted warnings on emails and on their T.V. station about using caution when driving and that there is not many parking spots, so ride the buses. If that is really needed, shouldn't the kids be home, safe? Ugh.
The real problem aside from money is this...people want their kids to be in school. Not for an education, but to get them out of their hair. I used to work a part time job. One evening I was there when I heard that the next day would be a snow day. SEVERAL people were suddenly in an uproar. They didn't want their kids at home, they had stuff planned, what were they going to do about work? Really? I understand that work is important. I understand that you need to go to work to earn money to buy stuff for your kids. But, work more important than your family? I don't get it. I cherish having my kids at home. I am one of those Moms that love summer vacation. I have cried more first days of school than I would like to admit. I actually like being a Mom. I am not a Mom so that people think better of me. I am not a Mom because it is what I thought I should do. I am a Mom because it is what I wanted to do. I wanted to spend time with my kids. I want to be the one who teaches them to count, to write their name, to tie their shoes. I would financially be better off if I had a paying job away from the house. My kids could take more piano lessons, be on more sports teams, go to summer camp if I had a paying job. But, I think spending time with my family is priceless. I can always go back to a paying job. I can't go back to having a 3 year old.
So, the fact that I feel like my school board has put a dollar sign over my childrens heads is very angering. Keeping kids home for one more snow day, for safety and for common sense today would have made me so much happier. I just feel like the school board was collecting the pennies as the buses unloaded this morning. I could have kept them home and collected some memories. It saddens me that so many people would rather not spend time with their kids. That snow days (or their childs illness) is an inconvience they would rather not deal with. Tell me, what part of parenting IS convenient? I didn't know convenient was part of the parent vocabulary.
Yes, I am going to run for the School Board. I need to knock some sense into people. Enjoy your kids. They grow fast. They will remember one well played snow day with their Mom way longer than they will remember the lesson they learned in a semester of Chemistry.
The problem here is that our state law is for school to be in session for 180 days per school year. What this REALLY means is that one attendance is taken, the school day counts. Any days a school board puts on the calendar more than the necessary 180 is worth more money to the district. Many schools plan for over 180 days. This year our school planned on 189 days. We have 2 days for Spring Break. We had 3 days over Thanksgiving. We start around August 25th each year and go through about June 5th each year. My complaint is this, we have had 4 snow days this week. Our county is under a State of Emergency. We need to make up at least 2 of these snow days. But, what really irritates me is that after 4 days off, they have school on Friday. Well, they have a 2 hour delay on Friday which means 30 minute class periods. Monday is a Holiday, no school. Tel me, how much learning will happen today? Four days off, 30 minute class periods, three day weekend. Today is a waste of energy for teachers, students, and all other school workers. But, kids were there for attendance, so the district gets their money. Money is more important than learning today. Money is more important than safety today too. Our streets are not plowed wide enough for kids to walk on while a car drives past. So, my kids are walking to the bus stop on icy streets, covered in 3 inches of slush. If they encounter a passing car they will either get splashed by slush, or they can stand in a snow bank. Did I mention we have about 30+ inches of snow? The school posted warnings on emails and on their T.V. station about using caution when driving and that there is not many parking spots, so ride the buses. If that is really needed, shouldn't the kids be home, safe? Ugh.
The real problem aside from money is this...people want their kids to be in school. Not for an education, but to get them out of their hair. I used to work a part time job. One evening I was there when I heard that the next day would be a snow day. SEVERAL people were suddenly in an uproar. They didn't want their kids at home, they had stuff planned, what were they going to do about work? Really? I understand that work is important. I understand that you need to go to work to earn money to buy stuff for your kids. But, work more important than your family? I don't get it. I cherish having my kids at home. I am one of those Moms that love summer vacation. I have cried more first days of school than I would like to admit. I actually like being a Mom. I am not a Mom so that people think better of me. I am not a Mom because it is what I thought I should do. I am a Mom because it is what I wanted to do. I wanted to spend time with my kids. I want to be the one who teaches them to count, to write their name, to tie their shoes. I would financially be better off if I had a paying job away from the house. My kids could take more piano lessons, be on more sports teams, go to summer camp if I had a paying job. But, I think spending time with my family is priceless. I can always go back to a paying job. I can't go back to having a 3 year old.
So, the fact that I feel like my school board has put a dollar sign over my childrens heads is very angering. Keeping kids home for one more snow day, for safety and for common sense today would have made me so much happier. I just feel like the school board was collecting the pennies as the buses unloaded this morning. I could have kept them home and collected some memories. It saddens me that so many people would rather not spend time with their kids. That snow days (or their childs illness) is an inconvience they would rather not deal with. Tell me, what part of parenting IS convenient? I didn't know convenient was part of the parent vocabulary.
Yes, I am going to run for the School Board. I need to knock some sense into people. Enjoy your kids. They grow fast. They will remember one well played snow day with their Mom way longer than they will remember the lesson they learned in a semester of Chemistry.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Who are you?
Some mornings I look in the mirror and am so confused. When did I start to look like my Mom?(My Mom is a lovely woman , who looks younger than her age. My comments in no way mean she has all these "ailments" that I am complaining about...) I have always looked younger than my actual age. Sometimes I liked that, sometimes, not so much. The older I got though, the more I LOVED that I looked younger. But, much like the switch a teen flips at age 13 and becomes an alien life form, I flipped a switch (unintentionally!) at age 40 and became an old lady. Suddenly, my hair is thinning. My eyebrows are falling out. My neck has so many wrinkles that I resemble elephant skin. Don't even get me started on my hands! Ugh. I am not handling aging well. I have had blood work done and my hair and eyebrow issue is not health related, which I'm glad about, but at least then there was a possible fix. I look my age now. I don't like it.
When I went to my 10 year class reunion I had had 2 kids. I was thinner than I was at graduation. I looked awesome. Now, I have had 4 kids. I am over 40. I used to be able to say "I need to lose weight." and BAM! 5 pounds were gone. Now I say "I need to lose weight." And I get stressed because I know it's going to be hard. I panic. I eat the tube of chocolate chip cookie dough and gain another 3 pounds. A few years ago I started running. I really like running. It's quiet when you go out for a run. The trouble with running is you have to have time. Not only time to run, but time to change your clothes, stretch, drink water, go to the bathroom because you drank water. (I have had 4 kids. I cannot even think about running with fluid in my bladder. Or jumping on a trampoline. Or sneezing.) Then you have to have time to clean up after run. The other issue is that I like to run outside, not on a treadmill. So, then you are dependant on the weather. I am not a cold weather runner. I am not a cold weather outside goer. The bottom line is that I need to lose weight. The bottom bottom line is that I like to eat and be warm and not look for time to get all sweaty.
I know I should look at my face like Martina McBride sings..."Every last laugh line on your face, Made you who you are today." But I don't. I look at it and think "When did this happen? Who did this to you? At what point did your skin scream 'mercy!'? What are you going to do about it?" I look at my body and think I should be grateful that it has carried me through 40+ years. It is healthy. It took me through years of dance, the abuse high school pom pom put on it. It managed 4 healthy pregnancies and 4 spectacular deliveries . OK, I am grateful and respectful and actually, in awe. It is amazing that my body has done all that. I would be more grateful if I could still rock the braless look. Now I have to put a bra on before I can button and zip my pants. I had drawsting pajama pants on a few nights ago. That was an adventure at 2 in the morning. I am not handling aging well.
I don't know why my appearance aged so quickly. Maybe it's my diet. Maybe I handle stress poorly. Maybe it was my time. I just know that when I look in the mirror I can't see me. I am thrilled though that my Mom has come for a visit. Oh wait, I guess it's me.
When I went to my 10 year class reunion I had had 2 kids. I was thinner than I was at graduation. I looked awesome. Now, I have had 4 kids. I am over 40. I used to be able to say "I need to lose weight." and BAM! 5 pounds were gone. Now I say "I need to lose weight." And I get stressed because I know it's going to be hard. I panic. I eat the tube of chocolate chip cookie dough and gain another 3 pounds. A few years ago I started running. I really like running. It's quiet when you go out for a run. The trouble with running is you have to have time. Not only time to run, but time to change your clothes, stretch, drink water, go to the bathroom because you drank water. (I have had 4 kids. I cannot even think about running with fluid in my bladder. Or jumping on a trampoline. Or sneezing.) Then you have to have time to clean up after run. The other issue is that I like to run outside, not on a treadmill. So, then you are dependant on the weather. I am not a cold weather runner. I am not a cold weather outside goer. The bottom line is that I need to lose weight. The bottom bottom line is that I like to eat and be warm and not look for time to get all sweaty.
I know I should look at my face like Martina McBride sings..."Every last laugh line on your face, Made you who you are today." But I don't. I look at it and think "When did this happen? Who did this to you? At what point did your skin scream 'mercy!'? What are you going to do about it?" I look at my body and think I should be grateful that it has carried me through 40+ years. It is healthy. It took me through years of dance, the abuse high school pom pom put on it. It managed 4 healthy pregnancies and 4 spectacular deliveries . OK, I am grateful and respectful and actually, in awe. It is amazing that my body has done all that. I would be more grateful if I could still rock the braless look. Now I have to put a bra on before I can button and zip my pants. I had drawsting pajama pants on a few nights ago. That was an adventure at 2 in the morning. I am not handling aging well.
I don't know why my appearance aged so quickly. Maybe it's my diet. Maybe I handle stress poorly. Maybe it was my time. I just know that when I look in the mirror I can't see me. I am thrilled though that my Mom has come for a visit. Oh wait, I guess it's me.
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